


Ghost of Mine

by KnownAsEmrys



Series: You'll Be In Love Until It Kills You Both [1]
Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Canon Is Fake And I'll Do Whatever I Want, Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Forehead Touching, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, M/M, Nightmares, POV Alternating, Some Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2019-06-20 00:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 68,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15521715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnownAsEmrys/pseuds/KnownAsEmrys
Summary: Nick's heart stops as the man's features come into focus and he stumbles forward again. "Troy?" Nick questions, his voice crackingTroy only manages to take a step forward before his unnamed ally stops him by putting a hand on his shoulder. "Nicky?"Or In Which seven months after the dam, the vultures show up at the stadium and bring a familiar face with them.





	1. Charlie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another idea I needed to get out of my head.

Nick is staring up at the ceiling of his makeshift bedroom, wondering if there will be any changes to his garden when there's a knock on the door. He gets up to answer, stopping briefly to pull on some pants.

It's Madison.

"We're about to go out on a run," she tells him. And he knows this is just a not so subtle attempt to get him to leave the stadium - something he hasn't done since they first arrived. 

"Luci, told me," He says. "I'm not going."

"I know, I just wanted to check on you before I left."

"I'm fine," Nick tells her. He isn't sure if it's true, but maybe if he repeats it enough...

"Okay, well, we'll be back later tonight," Madison informs him with a soft smile as she reaches over and brushes a stray hair behind his ear. 

Nick takes a step back. He doesn't usually mind the affection, but he's starting to get tired of Madison's coddling. It's not her fault really. He needed it from her after the dam, but right now it feels like too much. "I better get dressed and check on the garden."

She nods, dropping her hand back to her side. "I'll try to find some pesticides. Maybe some more seeds."

Nick nods at her and then she walks off. He shuts the door and hunts around for a clean shirt. There isn't much to do inside the diamond besides attend to the garden or read, but Nick loves that about this place. He doesn't have to deal with infected or murderous survivors or risk his life for supplies. 

He gets to wake up with Luciana or sleep in until noon, he gets to annoy his sister or just hang out with her and watch the sun go down. He gets to spend time building new rooms with Madison and just talk about nothing. He gets to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with his friends and family and just have fun. He gets to just _live._  

So why would he want to leave the only place he feels safe? The only place where doesn't have to be that person he was before. The person he _has_ to be when he's not inside these walls. 

He offers polite smiles to the people Madison had invited to live in the stadium with them, but he doesn't stop to chat. He likes most of them, he just doesn't feel like dealing with anyone at the moment. 

The garden is just a small patch of land dedicated to growing vegetables. It's only been around for five months and it's grown quite a lot. He hopes that it can continue to keep producing so that he can eliminate the need to scavenge eventually.

After he's made sure the garden is intact and watered, he decides to go to the commentators booth to read until the others return. He makes a stop at the pantry to grab a bottle of water and a package of crackers since he missed breakfast this morning. 

Once he gets to the booth, he just sits there eating and drinking water, watching as people mill about. Some are just sitting in the stands talking, others are getting tools and things to work on their room. 

Things are perfectly boring in the diamond and Nick wouldn't have it any other way.

 

* * *

 

Nick doesn't know where he is.

It's pitch black all around him for miles on all sides. It's as if he's the only thing that exists in the the universe. He takes off running and he can't even hear his own footsteps. 

He runs and runs until he blinks and he's suddenly about to burst through a familar looking doorway. He barely stops himself from face planting into a pile of dirt, catching the walls that appear just in time. 

He looks up, hearing a muffled voice, and sees Troy on his knees in front of Madison. He's looking at her with shock clear on his face, and trail of blood running down his temple. Madison raises her arm and Nick sees the bloodied hammer. He starts to panic because he knows what's going to happen next. 

He prepares himself to jump into the dirt, but when he looks down he's standing over an endless dark cavern. He looks up again and this time he finds Troy staring at him, the dirt now only existing underneath him and Madison.

"Nicky," he says. " _Save_ me.  _Please_."

Madison brings down her hammer and Troy falls into the cavern as it strikes him dead. 

Madison turns to him. "It had to be done Nick. Nick. Hello. Nick?"

Madison starts to fades away. 

"Nick, Nick, can you hear me? Nick?" But it's not Madison's voice anymore. 

"Niiiiick."

Nick opens his eyes, not sure when exactly he'd closed them or when he'd fallen asleep. He doesn't see anyone in the booth with him and is very confused by the voice. 

"Nick, are you there?" 

He realizes the sound is coming from the walkie attached to his belt. He grabs it and speaks into it, "Yeah, uh, I'm here."

"Where are you?" Luciana asks.

"In the commentator's booth," Nick answers. 

"Can you come down?" 

"Uh, yeah, I'll be down in a minute," he tells her.

She doesn't respond and he reattaches the walkie to his belt. He rubs the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to wake himself up and shake off the nightmare. 

It's a famliar one, and one of the many he's had about Troy, but hasn't had one in a few weeks, so it's hard to shake it off as he goes to meet Luciana. 

The nightmares used to be consistent, but after he kept waking up Luciana he started talking to Alicia about them and Troy and eventually they stopped happening so often.

Nick is surprised to see Luciana talking to a little girl when he gets down to the field.  

"Nick," Luciana says when she spots him,"this is Charlie, Charlie, this is my boyfriend Nick."

Charlie turns to look at him, but doesn't say anything. 

Nick stops in front of her and crouches down so that they're eye level. He offers out his hand. "It's nice to meet you, Charlie."

She eyes him cautiously, but still shakes his hand. 

"Charlie!" Madison calls, drawing their attention to where she's standing near the hallway that leads to the pantry. She's got some food in her arms already, so it's not a surprise when she says, "Come eat!"

Charlie glances at both Nick and Luciana before walking over to Madison.

"Not much of a talker," Nick comments to Luci as he stands up to his full height. 

"She hasn't said much. Just her name and that she was alone." Luciana informs him. 

"Where'd you find her?" Nick asks, watching Madison and Charlie as they climb to the top of the stadium. 

"She was walking along the road about a mile away. We found her on our way back here."

Nick turns to her. "Well, did you find anything else?"

"We found a crate of beans, a bag of chocolate and some hunting knives," Luciana says, not sounding happy. 

"Still no pesticides or seeds?" Nick questions.

"No. Madison says we might have to plan for a longer trip next time." 

Nick nods.

Luciana moves closer, taking one of his hands. She must see something in his expression because she asks, "Hey, are you okay?"

He looks down at their hands, knowing she won't like his reply.  "I had another nightmare."

He doesn't need to look at her know she's tensed up and frowning. She just didn't understand why he missed Troy or how he could become friends with him after what he did to them or to the ranch. They'd had a nasty fight the night he finally caved and told her what his nightmares were really about. 

So he’d turned to Alicia instead and she was more accepting of the fact he missed Troy. She was the only one who let him grieve for Troy and talk about the fun they'd had. He was grateful to his sister and felt incredibly lucky to have her.

Without her, he might've held onto his anger at Madison and he might've gotten swallowed by his grief. And even though he wasn't completely fine, he was managing. 

He waits for Luciana's reaction, and is relieved when he feels her arms wrap around him. He hugs her back tightly. He knows she doesn't want to talk about his nightmare. She never does. So it's not surprising when she asks, "Are you hungry?" as she's pulling away. 

He nods.

She grabs his hand again and leads him towards the pantry.

He likes this part of his life with Luciana too.

Yes, she had left him and it had hurt and he'd been angry, but he had forgiven her not long after they'd reunited knowing she probably would've died if she'd stayed at the ranch with him. So it was hard to stay mad when she had been right to leave in the first place, even if it had sucked being left behind. 

Things aren't perfect between them now and she doesn't always understand him, but she makes him feel good and they work well as a team.

He wouldn't change this part of his life either.

 

* * *

 

Two days later, Nick's in the commentator's booth again reading when he hears a knock on the door. 

"Come in," he says, closing his book and sitting up in his chair.

He's surprised to see Charlie.

"Oh, hey," he greets.

"Luciana says lunch is almost ready," Charlie informs him. She still prefers not to talk most of the time, but Nick thinks they're making progress.

Nick pats his belt and realizes he forgot his walkie in his room. He sets his book down on the desk in front of him.

"What's that?" Charlie asks.

"It's a book of fairytales," Nick says. "The original ones."

"Oh, like Cinderella?" Charlie asks.

"Yeah - well - _sort of_." He answers, then to her curious look adds, "They don't end happy like the version of Cinderella you probably grew up hearing." He stands up and walks over to her. "Do you like to read?"

Charlie nods. "But I don't really get to anymore." She sounds sad about it.

"Well I have some books you can read," Nick says. "We can go find you something after lunch and come back here to read, if you want?"

Charlie seems hesitant, but then she says, "Okay."

Nick smiles. "Cool."

Charlie is quiet during lunch, but everyone is too busy talking about their next supply run to notice - except for Nick that is. He tries to ask her questions about herself, but she just stares down at her food and doesn't answer. He decides to talk about himself instead, telling her what his life was like before the infected came and even before he was an addict. 

It gets her to start eating again, and he even gets a smile out of her at some point. It gives him hope that with enough time he'll break through those walls she's built up around herself. 

 

* * *

 

Nick is holding Troy in his arms, _begging_ him to wake up, but he won't. He _can't_. There's blood running down his temple from where the hammer struck him.

He's dead.

He's dead because Nick couldn't protect him. 

Troy starts to move and with horror Nick realizes he's turned. He tries to get away, but for some reason he's paralyzed. It makes it easy for Troy to sit up, face him, and bear down on him

"Troy!" Nick screams as the panic building inside him reaches it's peak. 

That's when Troy has finally gotten close enough to sink his teeth into the soft skin of his throat, cutting off another cry. 

Nick jolts awake suddenly, a loud thud barely registering through the panic. 

"Nick?" A soft voice questions. 

He turns and sees Charlie looking at him, her hand on his shoulder. 

"Charlie." He says, throat feeling rough. He must've been shouting in his sleep.

"Are you okay?"

He looks away, realizing the thud was his book hitting the ground when he spots it next to his foot. 

"Yeah, I - I just had a nightmare," he says as he picks up his book. His heart feels like it might beat out of his chest and he can't control his breathing. 

"Who's Troy?" Charlie asks, taking her hand off of him. 

Nick tenses, and almost drops the book again. He must've been shouting Troy's name. He clears his throat and straightens in his chair, taking a long moment to steady his breathing. 

"He was a friend of mine," he tells her once he's started to calm down. "He's gone now."

"You miss him?" Charlie guesses. 

"A lot." Nick says. 

"I miss my parents a lot too," Charlie tells him sympathetically. 

It's the first thing she's offered up about herself in the week she'd been there. 

"What happened to them?" Nick asks.

Charlie looks down at her book. "I don't want to talk about it." 

_Of course._

"That's okay, we don't have to." Nick assures her. 

Charlie looks up at him and offers the tiniest of smiles. He offers her a big one in return.

"Do you want to talk about your friend?" She asks. 

Nick doesn't think he should at first, but then he realizes it might be good way to earn Charlie's trust. "That'd be nice actually."

"What was he like?" Charlie asks curiously. 

Nick considers his words carefully, looking down at his book. "He was...well he was an _asshole_ and I didn't like him at first," Charlie chuckles at his choice of words, "but as I got closer to him I realized we weren't as different as I first thought. I think he was one of the few people that really understood me and I think I was the _only_ person to ever really understand him."

Charlie is fully facing him now. "What happened to him?" 

As he thinks of what to tell her, Nick traces the ridges of the tree branches etched the cover of his book with his index finger. After a moment he says,  "He did some really bad things that I tried to cover up and when the truth came out he finally paid for them."

"What did he do that was so bad?" Charlie questions. 

Nick looks up at her. "Well, see, we used to live on his ranch - his father's ranch actually - and there was some tension between his family and another group. My mom found a way to bring us all together in the end, but Troy he...he couldn't handle it when they came to live with us, so he started a gun fight and got exiled."

"He came back not long after and he brought a horde. He cost a lot of people their lives," Nick tells her. "And he wasn't sorry about it."

"Why not?"

Nick shrugs. "He felt they took everything from him, and so I guess he thought destroying it all instead of just letting them have it was justified."

"He sounds bad," Charlie says after a moment - in that honest way kids have about them. 

Nick snorts. What an understatement. "He was."

Charlie looks confused at his agreement. "But he was your friend?'

"Yeah."

" _Why_?"

"Because he needed one," Nick says, with a shrug. "We both did. And I think he could've learned to be good if I had protected him better."

Charlie contemplates what he said for a few seconds then asks, "Do you blame yourself for his death?" 

Nick is a little surprised by the question, but he gets it when she speaks again. 

"Is that why you have nightmares about him?"

"Yeah," Nick tells her honestly. "Because if I had just lied _one_ more time or moved just a _little_ faster I might've been able to save him."

The room goes quiet, which is fine with Nick because he feels a little unbalanced. His heart's still beating a little too fast and now sadness is threatening to wash away the panic.

He doesn't know which is worse. 

Nick's walkie crackles just before Alicia's voice comes through, "Nick, Luciana wants to know if Charlie can help her make lunch."

"Do you want to help Luci?" He questions, glad his voice doesn't give anything away. 

Charlie nods, so Nick takes the walkie from the desk and gives Alicia confirmation while she gets up to leave. 

Nick rubs his the sleep out of his eyes, deciding to go check on the garden now that his time with Charlie is up. 

"I don't think Troy would blame you for what happened to him," Charlie says suddenly, causing Nick to look over at her where she stands in the doorway.

"You don't?" 

Charlie shakes her head and then she walks out, leaving Nick all alone. 

He smiles once she's out of sight, appreciating the sentiment. It soothes the sadness, but not the ever present ache in his chest. 

This is the one thing he wishes he _could_ change about his life. 

 

* * *

 

Nick stares at his ruined turnips, unsure of how to proceed. Charlie is next to him, like she always is, silent and observing. The cabbages were fine, but something _destroyed_ the turnips.

"I have to take care of this," Nick says. "You should go read and I'll join you when I'm done."

Charlie hesitates, but then nods and runs off. Today will mark two weeks since she arrived and it's still like pulling teeth trying to get her to talk about herself. She'd barely offered up information about her parents earlier that morning, and now Madison and the others were out looking for her camp. 

 _So much for not having to scavenge_ , he thinks as he starts digging up the destroyed turnips so he can burn them. It takes him the better part of an hour, and he's drenched in sweat by the time he finally joins Charlie in the commentator's booth. 

He finds her fiddling with his walkie. 

"What are you doing?" He questions. 

Charlie pulls away from it quickly. "Nothing," she says too quickly.

Her reaction doesn't sit quite right with Nick so he grabs his walkie and clips it to his belt. He wants to trust Charlie, but she's only been around two weeks. He takes his usual seat and picks up his book of fairytales that he's almost finished with. 

They settle into reading for a few hours, stopping once they hear Madison and the others have returned and they brought someone with them.

 

* * *

 

It's quite the spectacle when a convoy pulls up to the stadium just half an hour after the others had returned with Naomi.

A man gets on a bike and leads away the straggling infected in the parking lot into a moving truck while classical music blares. Another pulls out a lawn chair, and sits down in front of his blue El Camino, the rest of the convoy following suit next to their own cars.

Madison calls for everyone to meet at the front gate. She plans to open the gate and talk to the leader and see what the hell is going on. 

Everyone lines up behind the gate and then Madison signals for it to open once everyone is armed. She walks out exuding confidence. 

She speaks to the man who appears to be the leader. Nick wants to move closer so he can hear, but doesn't think it's a good idea so he stays put. Madison glances back at Nick and the others briefly and turns back. 

After a minute the leader calls loudly, "Come here, kiddo!"

Nick feels something hit his arm and when he looks he sees Charlie slipping past him. She runs towards the man and Nick stumbles forward a bit as it hits him.

 _She's been playing us this whole time_.

The man greets her warmly and she seems happy to see him. He gives her a hug and sends her off into the bus. 

Nick's heart sinks. 

The man turns back to Madison - no, he's looking at Nick - and exclaims, "I've got a little surprise for _you_ , Nick!" 

Nick frowns. He assumes Charlie told the man his name, but he has no idea what his _little surprise_ could possibly be. 

"Send him out, Charlie!" The stranger yells. 

Nick looks to the bus and he can see someone coming to the front. He watches as they leave the bus, jump out the doors onto the parking lot, then walk over to join the leader of the convoy. 

Nick's heart stops as the man's features come into focus and he stumbles forward again. " _Troy_?" Nick questions, his voice cracking

Troy only manages to take a step forward before his unnamed ally stops him by putting a hand on his shoulder. " _Nicky_?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think so far, the next chapter will be up whenever I edit it tbh.
> 
> I made some trick videos you can find [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLg7hMnJLGjkk4h3IU9wyPn4CkS-mEYl3v)


	2. Troy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want this story to be that long so it's just gonna kinda get through plot points p fast, okay? Okay.

Troy feels relief, confusion, happiness and excitement flood through him as he takes in the sight of Nick. He looks mostly the same as before, just healthier and cleaner. 

_It's him. He's **really** here. _

"So you _do_ know him," Mel says, squeezing Troy's shoulder and pulling him from his thoughts. 

Troy frowns, looking behind him at Mel. "You _knew_ about him?"

Mel grins proudly. "Charlie's quite the little spy."

Troy looks back towards the bus where Charlie is watching him through the window. He had told her all about Nick, but he wasn't sure how exactly she'd known _this_ Nick was the same one he knew, or why she'd tell Mel about him.

 _He must've talked about me_ , Troy thought as his gaze shifted back to Nick. 

"Nick! Why don't you come over and greet your old pal?" Mel suggests, letting his hand drop from Troy’s shoulder.  Troy stumbles slightly as Mel shoves him forward. 

Nick looks to Madison, and she shakes her headvigorously, but he walks over anyway, stopping right in front of Troy. Nick just stares in disbelief as he eyes Troy up and down. 

"Nicky." Troy opens his arms and before he can move forward, Nick hugs him - _very tightly_ \- and Troy wraps his arms around him. 

"How are you alive?" Nick asks. 

"Apparently, I'm very hard to kill," Troy tells him. He hopes he can find some way to talk to Nick in private, but now that Mel knows they know each other he doesn't think that's very likely. 

"I missed you," Nick states and it actually sounds like he means it.

Troy fills with delight at his words. It was the last thing he had been expecting Nick to say. "I missed you too, Nicky," he says earnestly, hugging him even tighter. 

_Solid. Real. This is real._

"Aww, now isn't that _heartwarming_?" Mel teases, ruining the moment.

They both glare at Mel, until suddenly Nick is pulled away from the hug by Madison who seems less than pleased to see Troy again. 

"Nice to see you again too, Madison," Troy says, and he can't help the mocking grin he gives her.

"You should be dead," Madison states calmly.

Troy shrugs, extending his arms wide and gesturing to himself as he says. "Here I am."

Madison glares and opens her mouth. 

"Troy, why don't you go see if Charlie's hungry?" Mel interjects before Madison can respond.

Troy looks back at him and can tell it's not just a suggestion. He nods, stealing one more look at Nick before he goes to check on Charlie. He hopes she'll tell him everything she told Mel. 

 

* * *

 

After a short, but informative meeting with Madison about the convoy, Alicia pulls Nick aside.  

"Are you okay?" She asks immediately. 

"I - I'm not sure," Nick answers honestly. He's a bit overwhelmed by Troy's sudden reappearance.  "He’s _back_ , Licia. He's _alive_."

"He is." She smiles at him, but it's bittersweet. 

"What?" He prompts. 

Alicia hesitates. 

"Just say it," Nick encourages. "I can take it."

"It's just...you were _just_ starting to get over losing him and now he’s back, which is _great_ for you, but to the rest of us, well, he's the _enemy_ again." Alicia explains. 

Nick deflates. "Right."

"But, hey, he seemed happy to see you again, so who knows, maybe you can convince him to help us," she says. "I mean we don't really know what's going on with him, or how he ended up with these people. He could hate every single one of them for all we know."

Nick considers her words. He knows she's really only saying this to give him some hope, but she might actually have a point. "I need to talk to him," he tells her.

"How do you plan on doing that?" Alicia asks. 

"I don't know yet," Nick answers, but it's not completely true. He has part of a plan, but he doesn't want to give away one of his longest-kept secrets. Not yet. 

 

* * *

 

"We should leave," Troy says. 

Mel looks at him, amused for some reason. "I thought you'd be happy to find your little boyfriend."

Ennis snorts. 

Troy ignoresthem. "These people are dangerous."

"Can't be too dangerous if they couldn't even kill _you_ ," Ennis says and Mel laughs.

"They'll find a way to win," Troy insists. "They _always_ do. The fact that they're still alive _proves_ that."

"Look, Troy, we're not  _attacking_ ," Mel says. "We're just going to starve them out and move in once they're gone."

"And what if they find a way to get rid of the weevils or find more supplies? What then?" Troy questions. 

Mel shrugs, "Then we leave."

"The _hell_ we do." Ennis protests.

Mel shoots him a look. "We either move in once they're gone or leave if the situation in there changes." He says sharply to Ennis. 

Ennis scoffs. "We  _should_  just take it."

"That's  _not_  how we do this," Mel says firmly. "We want the place intact."

Ennis glares, and Mel returns it tenfold.

Troy gets up, knowing the two are about to start arguing. It's not like they're listening to him anyway.

Mel stops him as he walks past, his hand shooting out and landing on Troy's chest. He stands up and crowds into Troy's personal space.

"You stay away from Nick," Mel warns.

Troy gets in his face. "I'll do whatever the hell I want, Mel," he says before pushing past him, their shoulders colliding. Hard. 

"I don't know why you put up with him," he hears Ennis say as he heads to the front of the bus. "He barely listens to you anymore."

"I could say the same about you," Mel says, and then they start arguing again. 

Troy gets off the bus and goes to sit next to Charlie by the fire. She had told him everything she'd learned while she was spying on Madison's group, including a conversation she'd had with Nick about him. Apparently Nick had fallen asleep while they were reading and had a nightmare about him and she'd put it together that they knew each other through the vague details Nick had given her afterwards.

Troy wants to talk to him, see if he still has his only real friend, but he has to wait until everyone falls asleep and then find a way inside the stadium. If there is one. 

"Charlie," he says quietly.

She looks up at him curiously.

"Is there a way to get in and out of the stadium without anyone noticing?" He asks.

Charlie shakes her head. "The only way in is through the gate. They sealed off the other entrances."

Troy frowns, looking at the main gate. They have people posted up and keeping an eye on his group, meaning it won't be easy to sneak around undetected. 

"You want to talk to Nick, don't you?" Charlie guesses.

Troy nods. 

"Mel's not gonna like that," Charlie comments.

"Mel doesn't need to know." Troy tells her. 

Charlie frowns. She's been attached to Mel's hip since he joined the convoy, so of course she doesn't like the thought of keeping something from him. Especially something that could be potentially disastrous. 

Troy looks back towards the stadium while he waits for her decide what she's going to do, staring at the people watching the gate. He doesn't recognize them. 

"Nick doesn't leave the stadium," Charlie informs him after a moment of silence. "You'll have to find a way inside if you want to talk to him."

"What do you mean he doesn't leave?" Troy questions, furrowing his brow as he turns to look at her. 

"He'll go as far as the gate, but I didn't see him leave once while I was here. I asked Luciana about it and she said he hasn't left in six months," Charlie explains. "She's really worried about him."

Troy nods, considering this new information. 

_Why won't he leave?_

Another thought strikes him as the rest of her words sink in. 

"Him and Luciana," Troy starts,"are they... _together_?"

Charlie nods. 

"Oh."The news doesn't really sit well with Troy, but he can't says he's surprised Nick is back together with the girl he almost _shot_ him over. 

"Are you jealous?" Charlie asks after a moment. 

"We're just friends," Troy deflects. 

"Doesn't mean you can't be jealous," she points out.

"Well, I'm not," Troy insists. 

The conversation dies at that, so Troy gets up, deciding to set up his tent. He's only allowed to sleep on the bus when he's earned Mel or Ennis' approval for the day and he knows for a fact he hasn't after his little display earlier. 

He doesn't know how he'll manage to get to Nick, but he'll figure something out. 

He _has_ to. 

 

* * *

 

Nick can _feel_ Luciana staring at him as he gets ready for bed. He knows she's just _dying_ to say something about Troy, so he decides to bring him up first. 

"I can't believe he's _alive_ ," Nick says, sitting down on his side of the bed. 

" _I_ can't believe he's trying to kill us again," Luciana says pointedly.

Nick sighs internally. 

"He didn't know it was us," Nick points out. "You saw how surprised he was to see me. I don't think he's exactly privy to Mel's plans."

Luciana stares at him in disbelief. "You're _seriously_  defending him?"

"He's just been trying to survive like we are," Nick reasons, but he can tell it's not the right thing to say by the cold look she gives him. 

" _Why_ is he so important to you, Nick? Why do you forgive him for everything he does?" Luciana questions.

" I don't I just - " Nick struggles to find words sufficient enough to diffuse her anger, but things between him and Troy have always been too complicated to articulate. 

Luciana continues on, "He almost killed me  and Alicia and he _did_ kill everyone at the ranch. He's not a good guy, Nick, and yet you have _nightmares_ about him, you cry his name out in your sleep, you tell him you _miss_ him, and you defend him when he's trying to kill us again. It just doesn't make any sense to me! I mean, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're in love with him!"

Nick's heart stutters, but he doesn't have any time to consider what that means because Luciana tenses suddenly. He realizes too late that she must've seen something in his expression.

"Nick," she says eerily calm all of a sudden, " _are_ you in love with Troy?"

"No!" Nick says immediately.

She doesn't appear to believe him. 

"I'm _not_ in love with Troy, Luci," he insists, "He's my friend and I thought he was dead for the past seven months. I'm just trying to deal with the fact that he's not _."_

Again she doesn't look convinced, but she drops it.  

"He's not on your side anymore," Luciana says. "How can you still be friends when his new friends are trying to starve us out?" 

"You don't know that," Nick tells her. "Maybe he'll help us get rid of them."

Luciana narrows her eyes, something obviously occuring to her. "You want him to join us, don't you?"

He does want that. So much. He wants to have their connection back - wants to have the only person who truly understands him back. 

"Of course I want him to join us," Nick says. "I'm not just going to _abandon_ him."

"He's _insane_!" Luciana exclaims.

"He'll listen to me. He trusts me."

Luciana scowls. "What about the rest of us? You expect us just to forgive him for what he's done?"

"No, of course not," Nick says. "All I'm asking is that if he can help get rid of the others he gets to stay."

Luciana shakes her head furiously, getting off the bed. "No. _Absolutely_ not."

" _Please_ , Luci," Nick begs. 

She looks exasperated. "What if he tries to destroy this place like he did the ranch?"

"He won't," Nick says, then when she opens her mouth again he adds, "I'll make sure of it. I'll take full responsibility for him."

"Responsi - he's not a _dog_! He's a _sociopath_!" Luciana exclaims. "You can't just spray him with water when he's acting up or put him on a leash to keep in him line!"

"I won't have to, because things are gonna be different with him," Nick tells her, sounding far more sure of himself than he actually feels.

She huffs, muttering curses in Spanish as she stomps off towards the door.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"I'm sleeping with Alicia until you come to your senses," Luciana hisses.

He doesn't stop her as she storms out, slamming the door shut behind her. 

Nick sinks into the bed, covering his face with both his hands as he replays the conversation with Luciana in his head. He gets why she's so upset, but maybe if she would've let him explain what Troy is to him, maybe if she hadn't been so hostile every time he had a nightmare about him she could understand his side of things. Understand how he felt. 

But she hadn't, so she couldn't. 

And now they're fighting because of it.

He rolls onto his side, wondering if Luciana will ever stop being so harsh when it comes to Troy, and what it will mean if she can't. He needs Troy back, but he doesn't want to lose Luciana. Maybe it says something that he isn't sure who he'll choose if it comes to that. 

_"Nick, are you in love with Troy?"_

He frowns as the question pops into his head. It makes butterflies stir in his stomach and he doesn't know why. He _knows_ he isn't in love with Troy, so why did it feel like he had lied to Luciana? 

 

* * *

 

There's a special entrance to the stadium just past the head coach's office. It consists of two locked doors with a small hallway in between them. He first noticed them when he spotted a red car parked oddly close to the building and he’d been determined to find where they led. 

He'd had found the keys to the doors months ago, and had decided to hold onto them instead of handing them over to Madison. He wasn't really sure why, but now he was glad he had.

Once outside of the stadium - on the opposite side from where the convoy is set up - Nick sticks close to the walls as he makes his way around the diamond. He uses the shadows and the quiet voices crackling through his walkie to his advantage. From his walkie, he gathers that Barry and Carson are watching this side of the stadium, which is good news for Nick because they had a habit of getting distracted. 

Things become a little more challenging as he reaches the front of the stadium. He can't exactly just walk out in front of Strand and Madison who - according to his walkie - had just taken their post at the main gate.

Nick crouches down and tries to come up with a game plan. He notices that most of the convoy seem to be asleep which is good news, but it doesn't solve his current problem. 

Strand and Madison both thought it was too important to not watch the convoy twenty-four seven - as they'd stated at the meeting after Madison's talk with Mel - so he doubts he'll have an opportunity to get to Troy.

Still, he decides to wait. It's not like he has much else to do and this was too important to not at least _try_ to see through. Somehow.

Fifteen minutes go by and just as he was thinking of walking over despite the consequences, he sees movement. It's seems to be someone getting out of one of the tents. They take a moment to stretch and then they start making their way towards Nick.

Nick starts to look for a place to hide, knowing he can't afford to be spotted. "Where are you going, Troy?" He hears Madison call out, drawing his attention back. 

He sees Troy hold his hands up in surrender and stop in front of the gate. "Just going to relieve myself. I don't even have a weapon."

Madison doesn't respond or if she does, she's too quiet this time for Nick to hear. Troy starts towards him again and Nick stands to his full height, leaning against the stadium wall for cover.  He knows Madison is tracking Troy's movements and the last thing he wants is for her to see him now. 

Troy rounds the corner and Nick pulls him out of Madison's line of sight before he spots him. 

Troy reacts to being grabbed unexpectedly about how Nick expects. He thrashes about until he gets the upperhand and pins Nick to the wall by his throat, his arm crushing Nick's windpipe. 

"Troy...it's...just me!" Nick manages to choke out. 

"Nick?" Troy breathes, sounding confused. He drops his arm after a few seconds and Nick tries not to gasp for air too loudly.  "What are you doing out here?"

Nick waits until he can breathe properly again before he says,"I came to talk to you."

Troy chuckles. "And here _I_ was coming to find a way inside so I could talk to _you_."

Nick laughs quietly. He guesses he shouldn't be surprised. 

"You probably have a lot of questions," Troy says, taking a step back so Nick can push off the wall. 

"Yeah, starting with _how the hell_  did you survive?" 

Troy takes a moment to collect his thoughts before he explains. "Well, when the dam exploded, the water started flooding the room I was in. Eventually, I started drowning and it sort of... _jolted_ me awake. You know, like how when you have a dream where you're falling?" 

Nick nods. 

"I managed to get out before I got crushed by concrete," Troy continues. "Had a hell of a time getting off the dam before the water swept me away, but I managed it."

"But you were okay? Even after..."

"Mostly," Troy says. "I had a concussion and things were kinda fuzzy for a few days, but in the end all I have to show for what happened is a scar on my temple." He taps his head, but it's too dark for Nick to make anything out. 

"If I'd known you were still alive - if I'd thought there was even a _small_ chance you were - I would've come back for you," Nick tells him. It's important to him that Troy knows this. 

Troy studies his expression, then after a beat he looks really pleased. "You _really_ mean that."

"I do," Nick confirms. He's not why sure Troy thinks he wouldn't.

"Because I'm your best friend?" Troy asks. It sounds a little like he's asking a different question, but Nick brushes it off as Luciana's question messing with his head because there's _no way_ Troy is asking him if there's more than friendship between them. 

"I wouldn't go _that_ far," Nick says, just to be contrary "but you're my friend and I care about you."

An obnoxious grin spreads across Troy's face. 

"What?" Nick prompts.

"I  _knew_ you loved me," Troy teases. 

Nick rolls his eyes, fighting back a smile. 

Nick hears his walkie crackle faintly and brings it up to his ear. He hears Madison ask, "Carson, have you seen anyone on your end?" 

"Nope," Carson answers. "Why?"

Nick doesn't need to keep listening to know she's getting suspicious of Troy. He clips the walkie to his belt. He has to hurry this conversation along.

"Do you like being with Mel and the others?" Nick asks. 

Troy scoffs, his grin dissipating. "Do I _like_ only getting to sleep in a real bed if I behave? Do I _like_ dealing with Ennis' shit or taking orders from Mel like I'm his bitch? I fucking hate it, but I haven't had anywhere else to go." 

Nick knows Madison, and Luciana especially won't like what he's about to say. "You do now."

Troy looks at him doubtfully. "You really think Madison will just let me come back like nothing happened?"

"If you help us get rid of Mel and the others, I _know_ I can convince her to let you stay."

Troy considers it, then asks, "What about the others?"

Nick shrugs. "They'll just have to deal with it."

Troy unexpectedly steps into his personal space. "And how would _you_ feel if I came back, Nicky?" 

Nick's heart stutters at the intense way Troy is looking at him. Maybe he wasn't imagining things, but his answer matters too much for him to lie so he says, "I'd like it if you came back."

Troy grins and takes a step back. "I should get back before Madison comes looking for me, but know I _will_ help you."

Nick fills with relief. "I'm glad."

"I'll always have your back, Nicky," Troy says seriously. "That's what friends are for."

Troy starts to leave, but Nick quickly catches his wrist. In response to Troy's raised eyebrow he says, "There's a red car parked on the other side of the stadium. Meet me there tomorrow night around this time."

Troy nods. "I'll see you then."

Nick let's go and watches Troy as he makes his way back to his tent. He sees him wave at Madison as he passes by, then get into his tent a moment later.  Nick starts making his way back to the other entrance. 

He had wanted more time with Troy, but he'd gotten the most important thing out of the way and that was all that really mattered for now. 

 

* * *

 

Nick is inspecting the garden when Madison comes to stand next to where he's crouching. 

"Everything okay?" She asks. 

"The weevils haven't gotten to anything else," Nick says, standing up. 

Madison nods. "Good. We can't afford to lose anything else right now."

Nick takes off his gloves, and waits for her to bring it up. He had felt her watching him for a long time before she had finally come over and he wanted her to just spit it out.

"So," Madison starts,"you seemed pretty happy to see Troy."

"Yeah, it's always nice to see a friend you thought was dead," He says pointedly.

Madison narrows her eyes at him. "He was a problem that needed to be taken care of." she says defensively.

"He wanted to help us." Nick says. "He _could've_ been helping us this entire time."

"Help us? He's unstable, Nick," Madison tells him. "He _destroyed_ the ranch just so no else could have it. He almost killed your sister, and he's the reason Ofelia's dead."

Nick bristles. " _Daniel_ wasn't exactly a beacon of sanity, but if he came back now you'd welcome him with open arms."

"Daniel was useful. I could _trust_ him." Madison says.

"Troy can be useful. And I _know_ I can trust him." Nick counters.

"You haven't seen him in _seven_ months," Madison points out. "Even if he still has a strange fixation on you, that doesn't mean you're friends."

"You saw him last night," Nick says. "He was more than happy to see me."

"He's not good for you, Nick," Madison says. It sounds more aggresive than anything else she's said and Nick immediately takes it to mean that _this_ is the real problem she has with Troy. 

"And _who_ are you to tell me what's good for me?" Nick questions harshly.

"I'm your mother."

"And you're also a _killer_ , a _liar_ , and a _manipulator_ ," Nick says. "So am I. No one's truly good anymore meaning nobody's good for anyone. That's just how it is now. So what does it matter if Troy comes back?"

"It matters because he brings out the worst part of you, Nick. He brings out the _junkie_ , the _addict_ , the person who just doesn't give a damn about anything but his next fix."

Nick snorts. "I've been clean for months."

"That's the _point_ , Nick." Madison says. "You were clean at the ranch, but just a few days with Troy at the bazaar and all that changed."

Nick frowns, narrowing his eyes as it finally occurs to him. "That's the real reason you tried to kill him, isn't it? Not because you didn't have a choice, not because he needed to be put down, or even that he was a burden, but because you couldn't stand him being around _me_. What he did to the Ranch was just the perfect excuse to justify murdering him, wasn't it?"

Madison doesn't confirm or deny it, but he can tell he's right by her expression - a stubborn, self righteous set to her jaw and a hard, challenging look in her eyes. 

Nick scoffs. "I can't believe you."

"He was going to get you killed," Madison tells him. "I can't lose you, Nick. I _won't_."

Nick shoves his gloves into his pocket. He understands Madison just thought she was protecting him, but it doesn't quell his anger it only makes it worse. "You _will_ ," he spits.

"Nick - "

" _Unless_ ," he continues angrily,"you agree to let Troy stay after we get rid of Mel and the others."

Madison's jaw clenches, a conflicted look in her eyes. "And if I don't?"

"I'll get Troy and we'll leave you to deal with the convoy without us," Nick bluffs. 

His anger must make him sound convincing though because after a pregnant pause she says, through gritted teeth, " _Fine_ , but the _second_ he becomes a problem? He's gone."

"Fine." Nick agrees before shoving past her. He doesn't want to be around anyone,  so he goes to the commentator's booth and turns off his walkie. He can't believe the _nerve_ of Madison.

_She kills and she lies and she uses me and Licia as justification for every bad thing she does. It has to stop._

Nick wants to hit something, or at the very least vent to someone, but Alicia is out scavenging with Strand and Cole and he knows Luciana will only take Madison's side. He spots Barry by the plywood, and gets an idea on how to work out his anger. 

 

* * *

 

Troy is writing in his journal when Ennis comes up to hover over him. He closes it and looks up at him with a forced grin. "If it isn't my _favorite_ brother," he says sarcastically.

Ennis snorts. "Smartass."

Troy's grin only grows bigger. "So did you need something or are you just sweet on me?"

Ennis rolls his eyes. "Mel's sending people out. Said he needs you to come get your assignment."

Troy forces himself to bite his tongue. He wants to say that he doesn't give a _damn_ what Mel needs, but he can't. Not if he hopes to stick around long enough to send them packing.

He gets up and heads to the bus. Mel barely offers him a greeting before shoving a map and the keys to the El Camino into his chest.

He hates doing this shit for Mel, but it's what's kept him alive so far. He gets in the car, takes a long hard look at the route mapped out for him, then takes off. 

Troy loves driving the El Camino. It's a beautiful car and it runs smoothly. It's not a very _quiet_ car, but it _is_ fast. He's only been allowed to drive it twice before, since the brothers love it almost as much as each other and rarely let it out of their sight. He guesses it's the only real perk to being their bitch, since no one else is allowed to drive it.

Troy ends up in front of an abandoned soup kitchen. There aren't many infected around, so it's easy enough to take them out and get inside the building.

He creeps through the building until he finds the kitchen. He comes to a halt when he sees a dead man sitting next to the open pantry door, blood coating the walls behind him. In faded black sharpie on the door are the words _Take What You Need, I'm Sorry._

Troy frowns and walks over to inspect the body. There's a gunshot in the middle of his forehead, and when Troy searches his body all he finds are keys to the building. 

He pockets them and enters the pantry. He finds the shelves completely empty, but when he inspects a stack of wooden crates he hits the jackpot. The first two have nothing in them, but when he reveals the third he finds it full of soup. He checks the rest underneath and finds them all full as well. 

_Five crates! I might actually get to sleep on the bus tonight._

His promise to Nick comes to mind and he knows what he has to do. 

_Three might get me a thicker blanket at least._

He loads the crates into the back of the El Camino as quick as he can. He has a sneaking suspicion that whoever tried to hide them intends to come back for them. He takes off as soon he's got everything loaded. 

Once he's put some distance between him and the soup kitchen, he slows down so he can enjoy the drive back, turning the music up loud. He likes these rare moments he gets to himself. 

Living in the convoy was fun at first. It had had a certain degree of blood and chaos that appealed to Troy, but pretty soon it became clear Mel expected him to be a good little soldier. He started giving Troy orders and if he disobeyed, Mel wouldn't allow him to eat, or borrow the tent, or sleep on the bus. 

It wasn't easy and he had had trouble biting his tongue, but once Mel picked up on the fact that he had no where else to go, he’d gotten a little more lax about Troy's attitude. 

It's just after sunset when he reaches a familiar looking stretch of land.

Troy turns off the headlights roughly half a mile from the stadium, slowing down even more to minimize the noise of the engine and cutting off the music completely.

He's on the opposite side of the diamond from the convoy and he sees the red car Nick told him about when he finally nears the parking lot. He stops and turns off the car so he can get out. 

He goes to the back of the car and takes two crates out. They're heavy and it's a bit of a struggle to carry them both, but he manages to get them to the grassy area between the road and the parking lot.  He knows that if Mel or Ennis find out about this he's dead, but he told Nick he'd help and he meant it. 

He goes back to the car, starts it up, turns on the music and headlights then speeds back to the convoy.  

 

* * *

 

After failing to see Troy, Nick sits on the ground in front of the door, leaning back against it for support. He looks up at the sky, feeling content at the sight of the stars shining brightly. One thing he's liked about the end of the world is the fact that he can actually see the stars the way they were meant to be seen. 

A few minutes go by before he hears a faint, "Nick!"

His attention snaps towards the voice and he sees Troy waving him over by the road. He gets up and stays low to the ground as he makes his way over. 

"I brought you something," Troy announces quietly.

It's then that Nick sees the two small crates in front of Troy. He moves closer and sees a bunch of canned goods. He looks up at Troy. "Where did you get these?"

"Mel sent me on a run today. Found about five of these at an old soup kitchen." Troy explains. "Thought I'd share."

Nick smiles. "Thanks."

Troy smiles back. "Anything for you, Nicky," he says sincerely. 

Nick feels a thrill shoot through him. He tries not to think about it. "Come on, let's take these back to my room."

Troy nods. They each take a crate and make their way over to the stadium door. Nick makes sure to lock both doors behind them once they're safely inside. 

"If this doesn't convince Madison you want to help us I don't know what will," Nick says as he pockets the keys and pick his crate back up.

"Help _you_ ," Troy corrects. "I did this for _you_. Not Madison."

Nick starts leading the way towards his room. "Do you hate her?" Nick asks. 

"She tried to kill me," Troy answers. 

"Well, you'll just have to get over it," Nick tells him. "She's agreed to let you stay."

Troy cocks his brow. "Really?" 

"On the condition that you behave," Nick says. He ends up stopping in front of the locker room doors to tell Troy about his argument with Madison, not wanting to risk drawing someone's attention while walking through the main hallways. 

"Would you?" Troy asks once he's done, and when Nick shoots him a curious look he adds, "Leave with me."

"I don't know if I could leave Licia or Luci," Nick tells him, as he doesn't want to give an answer he can't take back. 

Troy just looks at him. "Right."

Nick gestures behind him with his head.  "Come on."

They don't speak as they sneak through the hallways towards Nick's room. It's late, so anyone who isn't on watch is fast asleep. 

Or at least that's what Nick thinks until he rounds the corner and sees Luciana standing outside his door, a hand raised as if to knock. He backs up, running into Troy who almost drops his crate. 

"Stay out of sight," Nick whispers as he sets down his crate. 

"What's going on?" Troy whispers back. 

"Just stay here," Nick tells him before he goes back around the corner. 

"Luci?" Nick questions. 

Luciana's hand drops back to her side as she turns to face Nick. "Hey," she says. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you were still mad at me." And he was counting on it so he could have the room to himself tonight. 

"Well, I just got off guard duty and I heard you got into a fight with Madison earlier so I just wanted to make sure you were all right," She tells him.

He wants so badly to take the olive branch she's extending, but he can't. Not if he wants to talk to Troy tonight.  "I'm fine, but...do you know what we were fighting about?" He asks.

She shakes her head. "No, but Carson said you stormed off so I figured it had to be about something big."

"We were arguing about Troy," he informs her, knowing full well she isn't going to like that or what he says next, "I managed to convince her to let him stay."

Luciana huffs. " _Seriously_?"

"He's my friend, Luci, you can't just expect me to just forget about him!" Nick exclaims. 

Luciana curses at him in Spanish before asking, "Do you even _care_ what the rest of us want? What _I_ want?"

Nick steps closer to her. "Of course I do, but I also want Troy to be safe."

"Is his safety really worth more than everyone else's?" Luciana asks, taking an aggressive step into his personal space. 

"No, but - " He cuts himself off, stopping himself from saying  _I need him._

"But what?"

"But he can help protect us." Nick says. 

Luciana scoffs. "Like he _protected_ the ranch?"

Nick sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm not arguing with you about this _again_."

She looks frustrated. "Is this what it'll be like if he comes to live here? You constantly taking his side? Defending him even though he doesn't deserve it?"

Nick struggles to find the right words, eventually asking, "What do you want me to say Luci?"

Luciana's expression softens a little, but she still sounds frustrated when she speaks. "I _want_ you to say that you'll let go of Troy. That you'll stop trying to save him because you _can't_. He's a ticking time bomb and one day he's going to go off. I don't want him to take you with him. And most importantly, I _want_ you to tell me that you love me. "

His heart skips a beat. He _can't_ say that because he won't mean it. After she'd left him at the ranch, his feelings for her had shifted - not exactly changed - but they just weren't the same and he'd avoided those three little words on purpose.

He takes a step back, knowing things are going to change the second he speaks. "I _can't_. I can't say any of that."

Later, when he thinks of this moment, he'll be able to pinpoint the exact second her heart breaks. Her face falls immediately and he sees tears starting to fill her eyes. Slowly, she starts to back away from him. 

"Then I _can't_ be with you anymore," she says, her voice breaking.

Nick feels tears springing to his own eyes. "Luci, _please_ ," he begs. 

She shakes her head. "This whole... _whatever_ between you and Troy I could _maybe_ get over, but...you don't _love_ me...and we _can't_ just move past that."

Nick's throat constricts. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. 

Luciana's mouth quivers. "I know," she tells him, and he can hear just how much he’s hurt her. She turns and hurries away. 

Nick just stands there, staring after her until he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns to Troy who takes one look at him and opens his arms. His vision becomes blurry as his tears start to fall and he walks into Troy's embrace. 

He may not have been  _in_   _love_  with Luciana, but he  _did_  love her. She was one of his best friends and now he’s lucky if she'll ever forgive him. 

Troy holds him as he lets it all out. They stay like that for what feels like forever.

 

* * *

 

Troy waits patiently for Nick to come back from the bathroom, sitting on the edge of his bed. He feels sort of guilty for what just happened between Nick and Luciana, picking up on the fact that he's been a point of contention between them, but he can't say he's truly sorry about it.

He’d realized the first time he’d told Charlie about Nick that he loved him. He’d told her everything that happened between them and as he’d talked, it hit him that he would probably never see Nick again. The thought was unbearable in a way that losing his father and brother just _hadn't_. That's when it had clicked for him that his feelings for Nick were different. 

But he never thought he’d see Nick again, so they hadn't mattered. Now they do. Or at least now they _could_. 

He'll earn his place in the diamond and make sure Madison never has a reason to kick him out. He'll be the person Nick needs, whether it's just as his friend or as more, but that will be up to Nick. Troy will bide his time until he thinks Nick is open to the possibility of them and then he'll lay out all his cards on the table.

But for now, he'll stick to being Nick's number one ally and maybe testing the waters a bit. 

The door opens and Nick comes in looking a lot better than when he left.

"Sorry about that," Nick says as he comes to sit next to him. 

"It's okay. I get it." Troy assures him. 

"She hates you, you know." Nick says. 

"I know," Troy says. "And she's not the only one."

"No, but the good news is that only five people here know what you've done, and only two of them hate you," Nick tells him. 

Troy laughs. "I guess that's something."

Nick smiles and shifts more comfortably into the bed. "So, uh, do you know how we can get rid of the convoy outside of killing them all?"

"Not exactly," Troy admits. "But I know Mel is serious about leaving if you find a way to sustain yourselves."

"They'll really just leave if we prove this place isn't dying?" Nick questions. 

"Mel will," Troy says, "Ennis might be a problem. He wants to take the diamond and he'll do it by force if he has to."

"So we need to find a way to take him out that won't make Mel want to come after us," Nick concludes. 

"I can bait him into a fight," Troy suggests. "He hates me so Mel would believe it was self-defense."

Nick shakes his head. "What if he blames you? And even if he just kicked you out, he knows you'll just come to live here. I can't risk him deciding he wants revenge after all."

"Then what do you suggest?" Troy asks. 

Nick shrugs. "I don't know. We can figure that out later."

Troy nods. 

"Do you have any idea where we might find supplies?" Nick asks. 

Troy shakes his head. "Mel might, but he only tells me things when he thinks I need to know them."

Nick sighs and lays back on his bed. 

"I can keep bringing supplies, but it won't be much," Troy tells him, laying back too. It feels _so good_ to be in an actual bed. 

"Still buys us some time," Nick points out. 

Troy nods, settling into the bed more comfortably. He knows he can't sleep here, but he intends to enjoy this little bit of luxury while he can. 

They're both quiet for a moment, just staring up at the ceiling. 

"Nick, what happened after dam exploded?" Troy asks because he's been _dying_ to know what he's missed.

Nick takes a deep breath and then he tells Troy all about the last seven months. He tells him that it took a week for them all to find each other again and then another to make it to Texas with an injured Strand. He tells him how it took two more weeks for Madison to find both the stadium and Luciana. He tells him that the first month in the diamond was mostly spent sealing the entrances and cleaning everything with the help of the people Madison kept finding. 

Nick tells him about building a garden and how he seems to have a knack for it. He tells him how he likes to read, how he likes the peace inside the diamond and how perfectly boring everything was before the convoy showed up. 

In turn, Troy tells him about the struggle to get around Mexico with a concussion. He tells him how he couldn't find one of Jeremiah's friends when he eventually reached El Paso and how he was planning to scour Texas until he found _someone_ his father knew when Mel found him. He tells him how Mel offered him a place in the convoy, if he helped him deal with a problem he was having with a stubborn group. He tells him how he infiltrated the group just as Charlie had done to them and then after reporting back to Mel, he and Ennis unleashed a small group of infected on them while they slept. 

He tells Nick how ever since then, Mel has treated him like his bitch and how he has to put up with all of Ennis' shit too. He tells him about how neither of them are above starving him or depriving him of sleep if he doesn't behave. He tells him how he's played a hand in the downfall of many different places and how he's gotten tired of it. He tells him how he can't wait to live here with him. 

"You going to help me with the garden?" Nick questions.

"Well, I _did_ grow up on a ranch. I think it's where I'll be most useful," Troy points out. 

"You know, when we're not being starved out, it's pretty boring in here," Nick says. "Think you can handle that?"

"As long as I'm with you, I don't think I could ever be bored," Troy says, deciding to test the waters with Nick. He watches him carefully, hoping his expression will give something away - a hint that maybe he feels more than friendship between them.

"We'll see how you feel after a few weeks," Nick says, sounding amused. Oblivious to Troy's intent. 

Troy deflates a little. He hadn't seen what he’d been hoping for. "I guess we will."

Nick reaches over suddenly, running his finger over his temple, and he catches on that Nick's inspecting the scar Madison's hammer had left him. "I'm sorry she did this to you," he says quietly.

"I made it really easy for her," Troy says. "I should've listened to you and not told her about what I did."

"She would've found out from Daniel anyway,"Nick tells him, tracing the scar with his finger now. "But _maybe_ I could've figured out a way to keep you safe until the dam blew up."

"It's not good to think in hypotheticals, Nicky," Troy points out. "You'll drive yourself crazy."

"Maybe I already have," Nick jokes, with a self-deprecating smile. 

"Do you mean the nightmares?" Troy questions gently. 

Nick finally looks away from the scar and into his eyes. "Did Charlie tell you?"

Troy nods. "As soon as I found out you were here, I asked her to tell me everything she knew."

Nick looks back to the scar. "You know I had nightmares of you begging me to save you, or you turning and killing me, or I lie to Madison to save you but I still have to watch you die to Daniel."

Troy frowns and grabs his wrist. "Nick - "

"But do you know what was worse than the nightmares?" Nick continues as if he hadn't spoken. "Dreaming of us going on some adventure or just working side by side at the ranch or fighting off a horde together because _those_ dreams? They made me so _happy_ , but then I'd wake up and remember you were dead and it _sucked_."

Troy doesn't think Nick even realizes he's crying until he wipes a tear off his cheek.

Nick starts wiping at his eyes immediately, seemingly embarrassed. "Sorry," he mumbles.

Troy decides he hates seeing Nick cry, even if knowing he cared enough to shed tears for _him_ feels good. 

"Don't be, Nicky," Troy says. "It's not a bad thing to cry."

Nick doesn't respond, just keeps trying to stop his tears.

"You know I had dreams about you too," Troy admits. 

"You did?" Nick questions, briefly removing his hands from his eyes. 

"I used to dream of finding you again," Troy admits. He had other dreams too but he can't tell Nick about them because they would reveal too much. 

"Did the reality match up to any of them?" Nick questions, only wiping at one eye now.

Troy shakes his head. "No, but even if it's not the ideal situation, at least it's _real_."

Nick smiles, and then they're just staring at each other, studying each other. The air feels charged with emotion, with potential, but Troy thinks they've shared enough for tonight so he doesn't move, doesn't speak and neither does Nick. 

After a while, Nick's gaze strays and then he sits up suddenly. "The sun's starting to come up," he says. 

Troy sits up too and looks behind him out the window. It's still dark outside, but he can see the sun just barely starting to rise in the distance. He needs the darkness to hide his movements. "I should get going," he tells Nick, turning to face him.

Nick nods, getting off the bed. "I'll walk you out."

They sneak through the stadium, but they don't run into anyone this time. 

"Troy," Nick says just as he's about to go outside.

"Yeah?" Troy asks, looking at him curiously.

"I'm sorry I didn't go back to look for you."

"You thought I was dead," he says simply.

Nick shakes his head,  stepping closer to him. "Yeah but I could've gone back for your body but - I - I _didn't_ because I was afraid to find you and be forced to accept that you were really gone. I just thought it would be easier somehow. It wasn't."

Troy put his hand on Nick's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "You don't have to apologize to me, Nicky. We found each other again. That's all that matters."

Nick places his hand over the one Troy has on his shoulder. He has a barely-there smile as he says, "Meet me here again tomorrow."

Troy smiles. "Okay."

He waits until Nick let's go of his hand and then he goes outside. He sticks close to the stadium wall as he makes his way back to his tent. He hadn't expected Nick to have been so affected by losing him, but it makes hope flare in his chest that maybe Nick will love him back one day. 

 

* * *

 

Nick wakes up a few hours later and groans. His eyes burn and he might get a headache later, but he needs to talk to Madison before she leaves. He sits up, but doesn't get off the bed, instead he buries his face in his hands and wills himself to wake up. 

His late night talk with Troy springs to mind immediately. He’d admitted more than he meant to, but crying and breaking up with Luci had made him vulnerable. He hadn't wanted to admit to the dreams or just how much losing Troy had affected him, but in the moment it had just come out. It had  _felt_ right to tell him. And Troy hadn't seemed to mind one bit, so he can't say he regrets it or is panicking about being so open. 

But he _had_ noticed the things Troy had said to him, and they _did_ make him panic because he wasn't ready for what they meant or at least what they _hinted at._

_"I can't wait to live here with you."_

_"As long as I'm with you I don't think I could ever be bored."_

_"I used to dream of finding you again."_

_"We found each other again. That's all that matters."_

All of these things Troy had said to him sounded unexpectedly soft and sincere, but Troy wasn't soft, or even particularly nice, so it made these words stand out even more.  He didn't think they were definitive proof Troy was in love with him, but they certainly planted the idea that he might be. 

Nick isn't sure how he feels about that possibility. Or rather, he's trying not to acknowledge the way his heart stutters at it. Even if he was ready to examine how Troy feels about him and vice versa, Luciana _just_ broke up with him and on top of that there was currently a looming threat in the stadium parking lot. 

Nick drops his hands, takes a sleepy look around his room and then grabs his walkie. He pushes the talk button and calls, "Licia?" 

 

* * *

  
"So, _you_ have the keys to those doors?" Alicia questions.

Nick nods, lifting the keys into the air and shaking them for emphasis. 

" _And_ you had a romantic rendezvous with Troy last night?" Alicia asks. 

"It's not like that! But **...** we did talk," Nick answers, stuffing the keys back into his pocket. "He said he'll keep bringing us supplies until we find a way to sustain ourselves. "

Alicia moves out of his way as he goes to stand by the door. "And he's sure they'll just leave?" 

"Yeah and he says Ennis might be a problem, but we'll come up with a clean way to get rid of him later," Nick says. "First we need to worry about finding supplies."

"And why are you telling _me_ all of this and not _mom_?"

"Well, I'm planning to, but I can't carry both of these crates by myself," He tells her, leaning down to pick one up from where it sits next to the door. 

Alicia snorts and walks over to pick up the other crate. "I should've known you only brought me here to use me."

Nick just smiles at her. 

They make their way through the stadium, and then up the bleachers to where everyone not on watch is having breakfast. Once at the top they head straight towards Madison and set down the crates in front of her without preamble.

"What's this?" Madison asks, looking between them and the crates.

"A gift," Nick says. "From Troy."

Nick hears whispering amongst the others. He knows they've been speculating about him and Troy since their very public reunion and this will only add fuel to the fire, but he doesn't care. 

Madison stares at him for a long moment before standing up. "Cole, Carson, takes these to the pantry please."

The two of them get up and come for the crates. 

"Nick, Licia, Strand,"Madison says," I think we need to have a talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I probably would've had this edited sooner but my cat had her first litter and was freaking out so I was a little busy keeping her calm. Plus I mean. Kittens. Kittens!!!! And then when i did get to edit i kept adding things and this ended up being 2.5k words longer. 
> 
> So the next chapter might take a while because I've decided to add more drama™ and that means some rewriting so it might be a while.  
>  
> 
> Anyways, please let me know what you think of this so far!


	3. Boundaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long, but hopefully getting the next chapter up sooner will make up for it!

Nick stares at the empty side of his bed, wondering how long he would've stayed with Luciana if Troy hadn't come back. He knows it's not Troy's fault they'd broken up, it was his, but if Troy wasn't there Luciana wouldn't have needed him to reassure her by saying those three little words.

Three little words he just couldn't mean - not in the way she needed him to.  
  
A knock on the door pulls him from his thoughts. He isn't surprised to find Troy standing outside his door with a crate of canned goods. He’d given Troy the keys to the doors after it was clear he intended to meet almost every night. That was a little over a week ago.

So far Troy's kept his word about helping Nick and has managed to bring him supplies a couple times. It's not sustainable enough to get the Vultures to leave, but every little bit buys them time - something Madison desperately needs to come up with a solution.  
  
Nick takes the crate while Troy makes a beeline for his bed, plopping down on the side that used to be Luciana's. Nick kicks the door shut and sets the crate down next to it.  
  
"Has Madison found anything?" Troy asks as Nick joins him on the bed.  
  
"Not yet, but she's sending more people out tomorrow."

Troy nods. "How's the garden?"  
  
"Weevils are back," Nick tells him with a sigh, repositioning himself so he's lying on his back.  
  
"Shit, well if I find any pesticides I'll bring them for you."  
  
"Thanks. Did Ennis give you any shit about taking too long on your run again?"  
  
Troy shakes his head. "He was too busy making plans to go out with Charlie."  
  
"He's taking Charlie on a run?" Nick asks with a frown.  
  
"Him and Mel take her out all the time," Troy informs him. "She's really attached to them both. She'll do just about anything they ask of her."  
  
It's a disheartening thing to hear. Nick had liked Charlie, and the short time they'd spent together, but it probably hadn't meant anything to her.   
  
Troy must see something in his expression because he adds, "You know she's been reading everyday for an hour before and after noon."  
  
Nick half-smiles and says in a subdued tone, "That's usually when we read."  
  
Troy surprises him by putting his hand over his, squeezing it gently. He looks down to where his hand rests between them. Touching and being in each other's personal space has never been an issue, but this was definitely new. Not bad - just new.  
  
Nick turns his hand palm up and watches as Troy interlocks their fingers.  
  
_Nick, are you in love with Troy?_  
  
That question's been playing on repeat in his head since Luciana asked it and the more time he spends with Troy, the less sure he becomes of his original answer.  
  
It's not that he has issues with his sexuality or is being purposely obtuse about his feelings. It's that loving Troy as he is - a killer, a bigot, and an addict of his own - is much different than simply needing him as a friend and he's just not sure if he can fully embrace that distinction. If he can love a man most would call a monster, even by the new standards of the apocalypse.  
  
And Nick knows he's no saint either, but Troy has a certain unpredictability to him that makes him dangerous. He also knows that he's drawn to Troy like a moth to flame and that whether or not he's in love with him he won't be able to stay away.   
  
"Do you like to read?" Nick questions, still staring at their hands. He can feel the scar from when Troy saved him back at the ranch pressing into his palm. It feels like ages have passed since then.  
  
"I used to," Troy says, "but then I got more interested in going outside to work on the ranch or do experiments."  
  
Nick reaches over to his nightstand with his free hand and picks up the book of fairytales he’d finished. He’d been rereading his favorites just to pass the time when he's waiting on Troy.   
  
He offers the book to Troy. "Read to me."  
  
Troy shoots him an incredulous look.  
  
"What else are we going to do?"   
  
Troy looks like he has an idea by the way his gaze briefly rakes over Nick's body, settling on their hands but he just shrugs and takes the book. "All right. Any story in particular?"  
  
"Just pick one," Nick says, squeezing his hand before letting it go.  
  
Troy opens the book and announces, "Cat and Mouse in partnership," before he starts to read the short tale. It's only a little over two pages long and so barely any time passes before Troy moves onto to the next story, and then the next and so on and Nick doesn't mean to, but he falls asleep.

 

* * *

  
  
Troy is in the bus trying to take a nap when he feels someone kick his boot. He opens his eyes and sees Mel standing over him.  
  
"Need something?" Troy asks.  
  
"Just want to talk."  
  
"About what?"   
  
"About you and Nick." Mel says, sitting down in the seats across from him.   
  
Troy sighs heavily and sits up. He knew Mel would bring it up eventually. "What about us?"  
  
"Well see, I know you're not together, but after that sweet little reunion I expected you two would at least _try_ to talk and yet..."  
  
Luckily, Troy and Nick had discussed what to say if Mel started getting suspicious.   
  
"You saw how Madison pulled him off me," Troy points out, "do you really think she'd let him anywhere near me?"  
  
"You never seem to give a damn about playing by anyone's rules."  
  
Troy shrugs. "She almost killed me. Something like that...it sticks with you."  
  
"So, what? You’re scared of Madison?"   
  
"I'm not scared of anything, but I'd have to be an idiot to think she wouldn't hesitate to kill me if I went near Nick again. She's ruthless when it comes to protecting her kids. I know that better than anyone."  
  
Mel studies him for a long moment. "I want to trust you, Troy, because you've been a very useful addition and despite your smart mouth, I actually kind of like you."  
  
"But?" Troy prompts.  
  
"I _know_ you don't like me or Ennis, or anyone really. Charlie is the only one you seem to tolerate half the time and you've been with us for six months." Mel says. "Makes me wonder who you'll go to bat for if things get bloody."  
  
" _Are_ they going to get bloody?"  
  
"Hope not. My plan is still the same, but who's to say Madison or her people won't get antsy the longer we're here?"  
  
"Right."  
  
Mel looks at him expectantly.  
  
"If things get bloody, I'm with you." Troy assures him. "Nick was my friend, but...we'll never be on the same side again. I mean, If he really cared about me, he would've found a way to talk to me. He would've at least tried."  
  
"Like you did?"   
  
"Who said I did?"  
  
"Charlie," Mel answers. "She said you slipped a note to his sister last week asking to meet, but he never showed.”

 _What?_  
  
Troy frowns. "I'm really starting to think I shouldn't tell her anything."  
  
Mel chuckles. "You just realizing that now?"  
  
"Maybe that hammer did more damage than I thought."  
  
Mel grins. "Maybe."  
  
Troy just watches him, waiting for him to either say more or leave.  
  
"Good to know whose side you're on," Mel tells him as he stands up. "I'm gonna grab a beer. Wanna join me?”

 _I'd rather stab my own eye out._  
  
"In a minute.”  
  
Mel nods before walking off.  
  
Troy watches him leave, relief flooding through him. Mel seems to have believed him, but he knows it's probably Charlie's unexpected lie that really sold his. He'll have to thank her somehow.  
  
"Oh!" Mel exclaims, turning around swiftly at the door, "And I'll let the whole note thing slide, but don't try to contact Nick again or you'll end up like Gary."  
  
Troy inclines his head to acknowledge the underlying threat to his words and Mel offers a fake smile before he leaves. Troy settles down into the seats. The threat doesn't unsettle him like Mel probably hoped because Gary was an idiot. Gary was too greedy and had stolen from Mel. Gary had been kicked into a silo full of infected by Ennis.   
  
Troy is smarter than Gary and won't share his fate. 

 

* * *

  
  
Nick watches Troy as he chats with Mel. He sees Mel laugh at something Troy says and wonders what he's up to. He's taken watch a few times since the convoy showed up, and this is the first time he's seen them relaxing together.   
  
"Should I be worried about that?" Madison asks, walking up behind him.   
  
"He's on our side," Nick reminds her, glancing at her briefly.  
  
Madison hums, then after a moment asks, "Nick, what happened with you and Luciana?"  
  
Nick frowns, and looks off into the distance, but doesn't answer. It wasn't any of her business.   
  
"Was it Troy?" She guesses. "I heard a rumor that you two got in a fight over him."  
  
Nick snorts. "A rumor? Really? Just say you asked Licia why Luci's been staying with her. I know you don't care about gossip."  
  
Madison sighs.  
  
"And no, it wasn't because of Troy," Nick adds.  
  
"Then _why?_ You two were good together. Happy."  
  
"It's none of your business," He says defensively.  
  
"Well is it fixable?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you sure?"

Luciana's heartbroken face flashes in his mind.  _"This whole...whatever between you and Troy I could maybe get over, but...you don't love me...and we can't just move past that."_  
  
"Very."  
  
Madison doesn't say anything and for a second he's relieved, thinking the conversation is over, but then she asks,"This thing between you and Troy...what is it?"  
  
Nick shrugs, ignoring how nervous the question makes him.   
  
Madison gives him a look like she doesn't believe him.  
  
Nick sighs, knowing honesty is the only way she'll leave. "I don't know, okay? I just know that I can't lose him again."  
  
Madison soaks in his words, then nods when she decides it's the best answer she's going to get. "You know what I'll choose if it comes down to his life versus your safety.  
  
"I know."  
  
They don't say anything else for a moment, then Madison leaves him to finish up his shift. 

 

* * *

  
  
Troy watches Charlie as she goes to sit in the El Camino to read. She does it almost every day, and he guesses it's because she misses Nick. She had liked to read before she met Nick, but not as consistently.  
  
He waits a good five minutes before going to sit with her. She looks at him curiously as he slides into the driver's seat.  
  
"What you reading?" He asks.  
  
She shows him the book cover and he reads _Insurgent_.  
  
"Huh.”  
  
Charlie blinks at him expectantly.  
  
"I, uh, I guess I'll get to the point so you can read," he tells her. "So Mel told me what you said about me trying to contact Nick. I just wanted to thank you for that. You really helped me out."  
  
"You're welcome," she says quietly.  
  
"But I have been wondering... _why_ did you do it?"  
  
Charlie looks back at her book. "I like you. I don't want you to end up like the others," she admits. "Nick either."  
  
Troy stares at her, absolutely stunned that she likes _him_ too.   
  
She steals a glance at him, then says, "Just please don't get caught. You know what they'll do to you."  
  
Troy smiles. "We won't."  
  
Charlie shoots him a small smile in return.  
  
He scratches his nose and looks away, not quite sure what to do next or how to process that she cares about him. "I, uh, I guess I'll let you read."  
  
"Do you have a book?" Charlie asks as he starts to get out.  
  
He pauses. "No, I just have my journal.”  
  
Charlie opens the glove box and pulls out a book that she offers to him. He takes it and sees it's called _Hush Hush._  
  
"Miss your reading buddy?"   
  
Charlie nods.  
  
"He misses you too," Troy tells her, settling into the driver's seat. "He always asks about you."  
  
She smiles and it's bittersweet. He hopes that however this all ends, Charlie gets a happy ending close to what she's always reading about.  
  
He opens the book, and starts reading, not really sure what he's in for, but willing to offer some kindness to the only person he's liked in the past seven months. 

 

* * *

  
  
"Is this for Troy?"  
  
Nick briefly glances over his shoulder to see Alicia standing the doorway, then goes back to boarding up the dugout. "Figured he should have his own space."  
  
"I thought, or maybe _hoped_ , you were building this room for Luciana," Alicia says.  
  
"Tired of sharing a room?" Nick guesses.  
  
"A bit, but I'm more surprised you aren't letting Troy move into your room."  
  
Nick shrugs. "I don't want to share the bed."  
  
"Or you're scared to."  
  
Nick snorts. "Why would I be scared?"  
  
"Because you don't know what you'll do with him so close."  
  
Nick shakes his head and tries not to show how nervous her words make him. "Or _maybe_ he's my friend and I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about us by moving him into my room."  
  
"Uh huh," Alicia says, sounding unconvinced. "But if you _do_ end up moving him in with you, I think you should give this room to Luci as a peace offering."  
  
Nick isn't sure Luciana would even accept it if she knew it was built for Troy, so he just says, "I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"Anyways, I just came to see if you wanted to eat with me."  
  
Nick sets his hammer on the nightstand he built, and wipes the sweat off his brow with his shirt as he thinks about it. "Sure."  
  
He follows Licia up to the picnic tables, his heart skipping when he spots Luciana eating at one of them. He hasn't been avoiding her, not really, he's just been sleeping later because of Troy’s visits, disrupting the routine he had gotten used to with her.

Or at least that's what he's been telling himself. 

Licia nudges him and he realizes he had stopped dead in his tracks. He starts walking again. 

“I’d say she won't bite, but she's still pretty upset,” Alicia says.

Nick sighs. He wants to fix things between them now, but he knows she needs space, and will probably need it for a while, especially after Troy moves in.

“What exactly happened between you two anyway?” Alicia asks.

“I thought she told you?”

“She told me you had a fight about Troy, but that's about it.”

Nick makes her wait until they're situated at a table far away from Luciana before he tells her everything, excluding the part where he cried in Troy’s arms.

“No wonder she's been so aggressive on runs lately,” Licia comments before taking a sip of water.

Nick plays with his stew instead of eating it. He'd lost his appetite having to relive his break up. “I don't know how I'm going to make it up to her.”

“You can't and I don't think she expects you to.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you didn't love her the same way she loved you, and she can't change that even if she wanted to.”

“So you think I should do nothing?” Nick questions.

“I didn't say that.”

Nick looks up at her, silently asking her to elaborate.

“Look, it was really shitty of you to string her along for months when you knew you weren't in love with her anymore so you'll have to apologize for not saying something sooner if you ever hope to be friends again."

Nick nods.

“But not until she's ready,” Alicia adds.

“How will I know?”

“Well her actually speaking to you of her own volition would be a good sign,” Alicia says as she stands up.

“Where are you going?”

“I've got watch next.” She tells him, collecting her dishes. She nods at his half-eaten stew. “You should eat up. Gonna need the energy if you want to finish that room.”

Nick eats a spoonful just to appease her. She smiles and ruffles his hair as she leaves him to finish his lunch alone.

He looks around, but doesn't see Luciana. He didn't want to admit it to Alicia, but he really misses her. Misses eating meals together, talking about whatever came to mind, trying to make each other laugh.

He hopes that one day she'll forgive him so they can be friends and not just part of the same community.

 

* * *

 

Troy sighs deeply, loving the feel of the warm water hitting the back of his neck.  
  
"How long has it been since you've showered?" Nick asks from the next stall.  
  
"Too long," Troy answers, lifting his head and letting the water soak his curls. He’d have to put his dirty clothes back on before he left, but for a while at least he could enjoy being clean again.  
  
They shower in relative silence, Troy resisting the urge to masturbate - something else he hasn't done in a while. It's kind of hard to enjoy it when he's covered in grime or blood and it's even worse living in such close quarters with a big group of people - only the thin walls of a tent separating them.  
  
Nick finishes his shower first, and Troy waits about fifteen seconds before he turns off the water. He can't help checking Nick out as they make their way to the lockers, careful to suppress the feelings it stirs.   
  
He grabs the towel Nick offers him, drying off his face first and when he pulls it away to start drying off the rest of him, he notices Nick raking his eyes over his body. His cock twitches with interest, but he knows it's probably just his scars getting Nick's attention. Still, he can't help but ask, "Like what you see?"  
  
Nick's gaze snaps away with a snort and he starts getting dressed. "Don't flatter yourself."  
  
Troy chuckles and starts toweling off again before getting dressed.   
  
"Are you hungry?" Nick asks as Troy pulls on the grey hoodie he lent him.  
  
"I could eat."  
  
Nick gestures for him to follow, and he does, surprised they won't just be spending time in Nick's room for once. Nick takes him to the pantry and grabs two cans of chicken noodle soup, two bottles of water, and a bag of crackers before leading him to one of the concession stands.  
  
Troy hops onto the counter next to the derelict cash register while Nick searches for a pot. He opens a bottle of water, wanting to sigh contentedly because it's room temperature and not sitting-out-in-the-sun-all-day hot.

"I talked to Charlie today," Troy says.

Nick sets a big pot on the stove. "Yeah?"  
  
"She said she misses you."  
  
Nick opens the cans, pours them both into the pot, clicks on the stove, but doesn't respond.  
  
"You know, Mel asked me about you, about us."  
  
Nick turns to look at him. "Is he suspicious?"  
  
"Thanks to Charlie he isn't."  
  
Nick furrows his brow. "What do you mean thanks to Charlie?"  
  
"She told him that I asked Alicia to give you a note so we could meet up, but that you stood me up," Troy explains.  
  
Nick frown. "Why would she do that?"   
  
"She wants to protect us.”

Nick pauses at that, and Troy can see how much it means to him to know that she cares before he turns away. “When this is all over...I want her with us.”

“I don't know if that's possible, Nicky. Her and Mel are attached at the hip. She loves him. Ennis too. And if we kill either of them...well, I don't know if she could forgive us.”

“I can't just give up on her,” Nick says. “She isn't safe out there. She's just a little girl.”

“She's more than that. She's had to be and she can protect herself just fine."

Nick looks at him curiously. “You _almost_ sound like you care about her.”

Troy shrugs. “She's the closest thing I've had to friend since you.”

“Does that mean you'll try to convince her to stay?”

Troy considers it a moment, weighing the possibility. “I can try, but she _loves_ them Nick. I know she likes us, likes Madison and Luciana too, but I don't know if we can compete with that.”

Nick sighs. “Yeah...”

Neither of them say anything for a moment, but then Nick breaks the silence with, “I saw you talking with Mel today. Seemed like you were having fun.”

“Just trying to prove my newfound loyalty to him.”

Nick snorts. “Very newfound indeed.”

“It'll keep him distracted from the truth at least. As long as he thinks you've jilted me, I've got nothing to worry about from him.”

“What about his brother?”

“He doesn't like me, but as long as I'm careful he won't have any reason to be suspicious.”

Nick opens a drawer to his left and pulls out a spoon. He stirs the soup before tasting it. “Almost done,” he announces a few seconds later.

"How do you guys still have power here?" Troy asks. It's one of the many questions he's had about this place. 

"Took the generators from the schools." 

"Huh. And the water?"

"It was still running when we got here, and hasn't shut off."

"Water, electricity, people, animals and a garden...you guys have really invested in this place."

"It's supposed to be our home. At least that's what Madison wants to make it."

"Is that what you want?"

Nick shrugs. "This place is as good as any." He clicks off the stove. 

“Back to your room?” Troy guesses. 

“No,” Nick says. “I thought we could eat somewhere else. “

“Where?”

“You'll see.”

Troy can't help looking over his shoulder the entire way up to the commentator’s booth, worried someone might see him, even after Nick assures him everyone's either fast asleep or on watch far away from them.

“You're not worried someone's gonna notice the light and come check?” Troy questions as he takes a seat.

“I'm the only one who ever comes in here.”

They each take a seat and pull them closer to the desk. 

"A hot shower. Dinner with a view. You _spoil_ me Nicky."

Nick rolls his eyes, but Troy sees his amused smile before he says, "Eat up."

Troy does, Nick joining in after setting his walkie on the table. Troy relishes in the warmth the soup leaves in his belly. He's only been eating sandwiches for the past week, having been lucky to find a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread on a solo run.

Mel had an established a rule that everyone was in charge of finding their own food, but if anyone really needed, he'd feed them for a favor. For Troy though things had been slightly different because of his temperament, because of how they found him. But eventually he was allowed to find his own food, though if he pissed off either of the brothers that didn't stop them from taking it away. Lately though he’d been keeping his head down enough that he didn't have to worry about returning to his tent and finding his food gone.

"What'd you do today?" Nick asks after a while. 

"Spent most of the day reading with Charlie." Troy says between spoonfuls.

"What'd you read?"

"I read some book about an angel falling in love with a human. She read some book about a girl trying to save the world."

"You read a teen romance all day?" Nick asks incredulously. 

Troy shrugs. "It was actually decent. Besides, Charlie wanted me to stay and after what she did for me I didn't want to just leave her hanging."

"Do usually spend time with her?" 

"Mostly just when Mel and Ennis leave her behind, but sometimes she just comes and sits next to me. Doesn't say a word half the time, just sits there."

"That's how she was when she was here," Nick says. He looks sad when Troy steals a glance at him. 

"You know she feels bad about what she did," Troy tells him before taking a sip of his water. "She didn't have a choice. She was only doing what she was told," he adds after he swallows and Nick still hasn't said anything. 

"Yeah..."

They eat in silence for a moment before Troy asks, "What did _you_ do today?"

"Spent a little time working on the garden and then I - uh - ate lunch with Licia and took a nap."

"The garden okay?" 

"It's stable for now. The weevils haven't destroyed anything else."

They talk about improvements they can make to the garden once Troy moves in, talk about expanding it and making their own fertilizer and pesticides as they eat. It feels reassuring to talk about the future, even if neither of them can guarantee they'll get to live to see it. 

Troy grabs Nick's hand while he's talking about other jobs Troy could do around the stadium like building rooms or reinforcing the walls. Nick's eyes land on their hands briefly, but other than that he doesn't react, not seeming to mind the contact. 

Troy smiles to himself, hope flaring in his chest. 

"Or we could take watch together..."

"Nicky?" Troy questions when he goes quiet. 

Nick straightens in his chair, clears his throat. "Sorry, I uh, I used to take watch with Luci a lot before."

Troy feels a pang of jealousy. "Have you talked to her yet?"

Nick shakes his head. "Licia says I should wait for her to talk to me."

"When you do talk are you going to try to get her back?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I just want us to be friends." Nick answers. "Besides, I'm not in love with her and she knows that. She'd never take me back even if I wanted her to."

It's a relief to hear. 

"You were in love with her back at the ranch. What happened?"

Nick shrugs. "She left me behind and when I saw her again...it just wasn't the same for me. For months I tried to let it be, but it didn't matter. Especially when she found out about the nightmares. She's never understood how I can be your friend or how I can care about you."

Troy squeezes his hand.

"But you know I never thought it would become much of an issue between us, but then you came back and she was so _angry_ about it. And I cant even blame her because you're..."

"A monster?" Troy supplies. He’s heard it too many times before not to believe it. He won't shy away from what he is or what he's done. There was no point in it any more. A word can only be spit at someone so many times before it etches itself into their bones.  "You don't have to try and sugarcoat it, Nicky. We both know what I am."

Nick squeezes his hand as if to soften the blow. "And I couldn't really defend you to her without - " Nick cuts off suddenly, seeming to rethink what he was about to say, "- uh without pissing her off even more by calling you my friend."

"Do you blame me for what happened?"

Nick shakes his head. "Probably would've happened sooner or later anyway."

"Well I'm sorry for any trouble I caused between the two of you," Troy lies.

"It's not your fault."

Nick offers himself the last of the soup, but he declines and Nick lifts the pot to his lips and drinks the last of it. 

Troy yawns suddenly, the day and the relaxing shower finally catching up to him. 

"Want to head back to my room and take a nap?" Nick suggests, setting the pot back down. 

Troy nods. 

They sneak back to Nick's room and Troy finds it incredibly satisfying that Nick never lets go of his hand. 

 

* * *

 

Nick jerks awake, nearly falling out of his chair. He hears a deep chuckle, and looks up to see Strand staring down at him. 

"I must say, it's not very comforting to find the person on watch snoring."

Nick wipes at his eyes as he sits up. "Sorry. Didn't get much sleep."

"No I didn't expect you did with your late night visitor."

Nick stills, panic shooting through him. 

"I saw you leading him back to your room, but don't worry, I won't tell Madison. A man has a right to privacy even in the apocalypse."

Nick removes his hands from his eyes and breathes a sigh of relief. 

"You know I can't say I was too surprised to catch you two together after that very public reunion."

"We're not...we're just friends."

Strand gives him an amused smile. "Maybe I could believe that if you hadn't looked like you’d just gotten back the piece of you you’d lost when he showed up."

"I'm not sleeping with Troy," Nick insists. 

"Maybe not, but you don't have to be sleeping with somebody for them to be more than a friend."

It's really starting to annoy Nick how everyone seems to be watching his relationship with Troy under a microscope, how they all want give him their two cents and pry into their relationship so he snaps, "Are you here to take over or interrogate me about something that's none of your business?" 

The amusement vanishes from Strand's face. "They just started serving lunch if you're hungry."

Nick gets up.

Strand puts his hand on his shoulder to stop him from barging past. "You know, I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to. If you ever decide that maybe I'm not so far off about your relationship with Troy."

Nick instantly feels guilty for snapping at him. It's not Victor's fault everyone keeps bugging him about Troy. All he wanted was to offer some advice if it was warranted.

But he's still frustrated and unwilling to take back what he said so he simply nods. 

Strand pats his shoulder before letting go. 

Instead of going to eat, Nick goes to work on Troy's room to work out his frustration. He'd finished boarding it up the day before and had disassembled the bench, so he takes a long hard look around to decide what to do next. He ends up moving out the nightstand he built and goes to find some plywood. 

It was easy to find hardware stores that were mostly untouched since they tended to offer more supplies to build than to kill. Plywood seemed to be the only resource they never ran out of. 

Once he's gotten everything he needs, he goes back to the dugout and works on evening out the dirt, determined to get some work done.

 

* * *

 

"You're really bad at that," Charlie comments. 

Troy frowns at her. "It's better than yours."

"It's really not," Mel chimes in. 

Troy looks back down at his paper, trying to find something to defend, but it's actually a really awful rendition of the lion they were all trying to draw. His frown deepens and he crumples it up, throwing it at Charlie, who catches it and throws it right back, hitting him in the middle of the forehead. 

"Shut up," he mutters when she chuckles. 

"Aww don't mind him Charlie, he's just upset he can't follow basic instructions," Mel tells her with a mocking grin at Troy. 

"Fuck off. At least mine's face wasn't squashed together," Troy says. 

Charlie chuckles again and now Mel frowns, making Troy grin obnoxiously. 

"Whatever," Mel mumbles. He stands up. "I'm going to get started on lunch."

As soon as he's walked off, Charlie slides her drawing - the best out of the three of them - over. "Give it to Nick for me?" She asks shyly. 

"Sure." He opens his journal and slips it in between the pages. 

"You should draw him something too."

"You just shit all over my art skills and you want me to draw something else?"

Charlie shrugs. "Maybe you'll try harder if it's for him."

Troy's heart skips. He sometimes forgets that Charlie knows better than anyone how he feels about Nick. "Yeah maybe...Why don't you pick something for me to draw?"

Charlie grabs the drawing book Mel brought her and starts flipping through the pages. It takes her a few minutes, but eventually she sets the book down and points. 

"A fox?" Troy questions. 

Charlie nods. 

"All right, but don't get mad when it comes out like the lion."

He tries harder this time to follow the instructions, Charlie pointing to the little details he misses to help him along and while it's definitely still rougher than the original it's better than the lion.

He looks around and lowers his voice as he asks, "Think he'll like it?"

"Definitely."

Troy smiles and picks it up to get a better look at it. 

"You should sign it."

He looks at her curiously. "Why?"

"So he'll always remember it's from you."

"Did you sign yours?"

Charlie nods. 

Troy sets the paper back down and signs next to the fox before slipping it into his journal. 

"Pick something," Charlie tells him.

They spend about half an hour drawing before Mel comes over with lunch. To Troy's surprise he sets down a plate in front of him too and tells him to eat up. He decides not question it, his stomach grateful for the first bite of his burger.

He listens as Mel and Charlie talk, and while he doesn't get why she's so attached to Mel at least he can get her to open up to him, get her talk more than she usually seems inclined to. Though it doesn't bode well in terms of convincing her to stay at the diamond like Nick wants. 

Before they can return to drawing, Ennis makes his return to the lot by honking obnoxiously and Troy takes it as his cue to leave, grabbing his journal before standing up. 

Charlie grabs his arm, stopping him in place. "Where are you going?" 

"To read," he lies, not wanting to admit in front of Mel that he's leaving so he doesn't have to be around Ennis. 

"I'll come with you," Charlie says, letting go of him as she stands up. 

_Guess I'm reading after all._

Troy leads her over to his tent so he can grab his book, then follows her to the bus so she can get hers and then over to the now empty El Camino. 

"You really don't like Ennis, do you?" Charlie asks once they're settled in the car.

"No and the feeling's mutual."

"You won't kill him, will you?"

"He might not give me a choice, Charlie. You know how he is."

Charlie doesn't look happy about his answer. "Please don’t kill him."

Troy doesn't want to make a promise he can't keep so he says, "The best I can promise is that I'll only kill him as a last resort."

"And Mel?"

"Mel has nothing to worry about from me."

Charlie shoots him a look. 

"Besides the obvious," Troy corrects. 

Charlie seems relieved by his words and he actually feels guilty for lying to her. He already knows he _has_ to kill Ennis or at least cause his death. He hopes keeping Mel alive will be enough for her to forgive him. 

Troy opens his book, preparing to finish _Hush Hush_ when Charlie asks, "Hey, can I see my drawing real quick? And a pencil?"

 

* * *

 

Nick's laying on his back in the center of Troy's new bedroom floor, dead tired when he thinks,  _This is a lot of work for just friends._

He places his arm over his eyes and just lets his mind drift with the possibility of him and Troy. Of Troy's possible reaction to this room opposed to Nick quietly letting him move into his room. Of keeping clear boundaries with Troy versus allowing them to be muddy. 

But the thing is, boundaries with Troy have always been flexible and odd.

Especially now. Troy doesn't seem to care if Nick sees him naked, or if they hold hands or seem opposed to his touch in general. Personal space was sometimes nonexistent while others it was too rigidly in place. 

It was hard to find a balance between platonic and romantic when Nick was still just so happy to have Troy back, when he craved physical touch and closeness to reassure himself that this wasn't all some elaborate dream. When Troy seemed to need it too. How could he deny either of them that comfort?

Nick sighs.  _I should probably stop lying to myself if I'm ever going to make a decision about him._

While things were confusing with Troy he knows deep down that everyone's accusations aren't baseless, that they're not just trying to justify how hard he fights for Troy in the only way that makes sense to them. He’s attracted to Troy in every way possible and its why he defends him, why he needs him. And he likes the muddy boundaries because he gets to take what he wants from Troy without ever having to take that extra step of defining what they are. 

It's not fair when Troy isn't capable of hiding his feelings for Nick, but it's all Nick can offer him for now until he can be honest with himself about what he wants. Until he's recovered from the Luciana-shaped hole in his life and is sure about the life he wants with Troy. 

There's a knock on the railing and Nick lifts his arm to see Strand there. 

"Dinner time."

Nick sits up, taking a moment before getting to his feet. 

"This for Troy?"

Nick nods. He slips past Strand and picks up the nightstand. "He'll need a place of his own when he moves in."

"Need any help?"

"No, with the garden the way it is I need something else to do." Nick sets the nightstand against the wall and shuts off the lantern he’d been using for a light source. "Listen, I'm sorry about earlier."

"Don't be. I imagine you've been hounded about Troy since he came back."

"Everyone wants answers I can't give."

"Seems even the end of the world can't end the nosy nature of people."

Nick chuckles. "Apparently not."

They make their way up the stands chatting about nothing in particular as they do. The picnic tables are mostly empty meaning Nick missed the original call for dinner, but luckily the food is still out.

They get their food and plant themselves at the nearest table, talking about anything and everything as they eat until Nick decides to take Strand up on his previous offer. But he decides to build to it by talking about the work he still needs to do on Troy's room. 

"Do you know where I could find a cot?"

"I think there's an extra one in the infirmary," Strand answers. 

Nick nods. "Great. Now I just need to find a way to set up a light in there."

Strand gives him an amused look. 

"What?"

"Sounds like a lot of work for just a friend."

Nick snorts and looks down at his nearly empty bowl. "It is."

"But considering the way Madison talks about him maybe it's just part of you defying her."

"There are easier ways to defy my mother," Nick points out. 

"Yes, but you've always been the problem child which means she expects it and you've got to get creative to make her pay attention. Like building a room for a boy she hates."

"Huh. You know I wasn't really thinking of it as an act of defiance when I started, but now that you mention it, I _was_ pissed at her that day," Nick says, looking up with a grin. 

Strand laughs. 

"But you're also right about it being a lot of work for just a friend." 

Strand gives him a measured look. "So I take it I wasn't so far off base then?"

Nick shakes his head. "I don’t...I don't know what we are, but I need him and I think he needs me too. I just don't know what that means. If it's as friends or more."

"Well what is it that makes you hesitate for more?"

"If I try for more, if I fall in love with Troy I'm telling everyone that I don't care what he did to them or to our people."

"By 'them', do you mean Luciana?"

"Not just her, but she's a big part of it."

Strand nods then says, "People will always have their opinions on who you love, good and bad, but what matters is how the person you’re with makes you feel."

"I only feel confused," Nick admits. 

"Because he's a man?"

"Because I think he's in love with me and I don't know what to think."

"Does it scare you? Repulse you?"

Nick shakes his head.

"Do you think you could love him back?"

Nick considers the question for a moment. "Maybe, but I don't know if I want to go down that road with Troy. He's not exactly in his right mind."

"But you don't mind that fact as long as he's just a friend?"

"No. But also I don't think he could handle the rejection if I changed my mind about what I want."

"Afraid he'd hurt you?"

"I'm afraid it'd be the final straw for him. I'm the only person that cares about him here and he doesn't seem to care much if he lives or die, so what's to stop him from getting himself killed because he feels abandoned?"

"Well what someone else does isn't on you, but it sounds like you need to be especially sure about him." 

"Know how I can be?"

"My advice? Don't shy away from anything he makes you feel. Good or bad, even if you're not ready to deal with it. Just feel it. That way when its time to make a decision about him you'll make it with your eyes wide open."

Nick soaks in his words, hoping they'll help him in the long run "Thanks."

Strand nods. "I'm glad to be of help."

They finish eating, a comfortable silence settling around them as they do. 

"Can I ask you something?" Strand asks after a while. 

"Sure."

"Your boy...he isn't a good man, but from what you told me that's not a problem for you. Why?"

Nick shrugs. "Cos he's like me. He’s self-destructive, impulsive, selfish - _familiar_. Besides, what defines as a good man in the apocalypse anyway?"

Strand seems to go somewhere in his head at that question. 

"And Troy's honest about what he is now," he adds, pulling Strand out of his own thoughts. "When he came back, he admitted to some of the awful things he’d done with the Vultures and it only made me want to get him back even more."

Strand hums, looking off somewhere past Nick's shoulder. 

"Are you scared to be honest with Cole?" Nick guesses. 

Strand frowns as his gaze flick's to Nick. "Cole isn't even on my radar."

Nick snorts.

"He's not."

"You go out of your way to ignore him and it's incredible really, but you’re not fooling anyone, Victor."

Strand sighs. "It could never work between us. He's a good man, Nick and I wasn't even before all of this. He'll find me out for the con I am and I'll be alone again."

"So be honest with him now when you've got nothing to lose and see if he runs away screaming. At least then you'll know for sure."

"I'll think about it," Strand says neutrally. 

Nick leaves Victor to his thoughts and goes to shower before Troy comes to visit.

 

* * *

 

Troy sighs loudly as he settles into Nick's bed, loving how soft but firm the mattress is on his back. He stretches, trying to loosen the tension between his shoulder blades to no avail. 

Nick walks in carrying two bottles of water. He tosses them on the bed before he sits down. 

"Brought you something," Troy says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the folded up drawings, handing them over to Nick. He watches as Nick unfolds one, a curious glint in his eyes. 

"I'm sorry for lion to you," Nick reads, an amused smile quickly spreading across his face. He continues to stare for a long moment before he unfolds Troy's drawing. "For fox sake," he says, laughing. 

Troy smiles. "Charlie wanted to see which one of us could make you laugh. Told her I'd win."

Nick shakes his head fondly, gaze flicking between the drawings. 

"So you like them then?" 

"Yeah." Nick says with a small smile. He gets up and searches the room for something.

"What are you looking for?" Troy questions. 

"Thumb tacs." Nick eventually finds some in his filing cabinet and comes back to the bed, getting on his knees so he can put the drawings above his bed. 

It's stupid really, but seeing Nick pin his and Charlie's drawings up makes him feel warm and indescribably happy. Proud even. 

Nick sits back on his knees to inspect them once he's done. "Perfect," he decides, that one word only fueling the warmth in Troy's chest. 

Nick looks over at him. "What made you guys decide to draw?"

"Mel brought her a drawing book the other day and she finally decided to use it."

Nick settles onto the bed properly. "Well I've got plenty of space if you ever want to bring me more."

"I'll tell Charlie."

Nick shifts and pulls his knife from underneath him. "Must've left it there earlier."

Troy sits up and nods at it. "When's the last time you sharpened that?"

 

* * *

 

"All done," Troy announces, handing Nick back his knife. 

Nick sticks his newly sharpened knife into his nightstand. "Thanks."

Troy pockets his whetstone, then moves away from the headboard to stretch. 

Nick notices him rub in between his shoulder blades and roll his neck. "You okay?"

"Took a nap before I came and I guess I slept wrong."

"Want a massage?" It slips out without a thought, but Nick won't rescind the offer. 

Troy pauses and looks over at him in surprise. "Um, yeah if you don't mind."

"Take off your shirt and come here," Nick says, spreading his legs wide. 

Troy obliges, Nick suddenly feeling very nervous as he settles in between his thighs. He grabs the book of fairy tales and hands it to Troy. 

"Read to me."

Nick pumps lotion onto his hand while Troy finds them a story and starts reading. He rubs the lotion in between Troy's shoulders, barely getting a reaction when the cool substance touches his warm skin. He places his thumbs along the blades and starts rubbing in outward circles that slowly start to get bigger.

Troy sighs, leaning into the touch, but doesn't stop reading. 

Nick never would've thought in a million years he’d be here, giving Troy a massage as he reads him a fairy tale, but he supposes stranger things have happened. 

His eyes wander down Troy's back and he notices a scar just under his shoulder blades. He stops massaging briefly to run his finger over it. "What happened here?" He asks before he starts massaging Troy again. 

"Ennis stabbed me to help convince a group I was supposed to infiltrate that I was attacked and needed help. Bastard enjoyed it."

"Did he give you any more?"

"No. Mel told him I wouldn't be of any use to them if I bled out before I could do my job."

Nick snorts. "How nice of him."

"Yeah he's not exactly the - "

Nick's just started digging his thumbs in the middle of Troy's shoulder blades when he unexpectedly cuts of with a loud moan. He kneads harder at the knot he feels, and Troy moans lowly, continuously, his head dropping in between his shoulders. 

It takes a while, but eventually the knot disappears and Nick slows his hands, continuing to massage Troy until his excuse to touch him runs out. 

Troy rolls his shoulders, sighing happily. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Troy moves back to his side of the bed, but doesn't put his shirt back on. 

Nick can't help taking in the sight of him, taking note of every scar, of his barely-there abs, of his lean muscles. 

Troy points to a particularly big scar on his side. "Got this one escaping from the dead. Had to climb over a barbed wire fence." 

Nick gets brave and grazes his fingertips over the marred flesh. "I wanted to ask about this yesterday," he moves his hand to another much larger scar in the middle of Troy's chest,"and this one, but I didn't want to pry."

"For you I'm an open book Nicky."

It's another unexpectedly soft thing for Troy to say to him. 

Nick doesn't know what to make of it as he asks, "So what happened?"

Despite his earlier words, Troy looks hesitant to answer. "My journey out of Mexico didn't go quite as smooth as I lead on I....I ran into Daniel."

" _What?"_

"I couldn't get that far from the dam with a concussion and he found me."

Nick has a bad feeling about the rest of Troy's story, his stomach filling with dread. "He attacked you, didn't he?"

Troy nods. "We struggled for a bit, and he cut me deep with his machete, but I managed to grab it and run him through with it."

"You killed him," Nick states, cold panic sweeping through him. 

"That's the thing. I don't know if I did." 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I had a concussion and he cut me deep and I didn't think I'd win another fight so I ran away."

"Madison can never find out," Nick tells him immediately, a part of him disgusted by his own instinct to protect Troy even now that he might've killed yet another person Nick considered an ally. 

 _He attacked Troy first._ Nick justifies to himself, ignoring the part of him that whispers  _Ofelia._

Troy sits up. "Do you hate me?"

Nick sighs. "No, but I'm getting real sick and tired of covering for you."

"I've never asked you to lie for me."

"If I didn't you would've been dead a long time ago."

"You’re the only with a problem with that." Troy says. "I was happy to die fighting for my home, but _you_ saved me, _you_ didn't want me to die so don't put this on me. You made your own choices."

"Sorry for giving a shit about you."

"I didn't ask for that either."

Nick scoffs. "God, you really are an asshole aren't you?"

Troy grins cockily. "I am, but that's what you love about me."

And Nick knows he's only teasing, but the words still make his stomach flutter. He snorts as if it's absurd. "You wish."

"It's all right, Nicky, one day you'll admit it."

Nick grabs his pillow and hits Troy with it, eliciting a laugh in response. "Asshole."

Troy's grin is still firmly in place as he removes the pillow from his face, and Nick has an unexpected response to it, getting butterflies in his stomach because Troy really is beautiful when he smiles. 

_"Don't shy away from anything he makes you feel. Good or bad, even if you're not ready to deal with it. Just feel it."_

So Nick does, laughing when Troy hits him back, smiling when Troy asks if he'll read to him and filling with warmth when he eventually interlocks their fingers again. He does as he considers the weight of Daniel possibly being dead because of Troy, the shame he feels after he decides that he can't blame Troy for defending himself if Daniel really is dead. 

It scares him what he'll excuse for Troy. 

But it also makes him happy to just have him here in his bed, safe, and fighting off sleep as Nick reads him fairy tales. 

As he embraces both feelings, he comes to a singular conclusion - he's addicted to everything Troy makes him him feel and has been since the Ranch. He doesn't know what that'll mean for them in the future, but it feels like a start to navigating his complicated feelings for Troy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is turning out longer than I expected it to be...
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this so far! I know I'm shit at responding to comments but they do motivate me!
> 
> Next chapter will be up as soon as I'm done editing it!


	4. Future

Nick's running through the stadium, cold fear driving each step through the seemingly endless hallways. He has to get to the parking lot before it happens. He's not sure what _it_ is only that it's bad. 

He finally reaches the main gate only for hands to grab him and prevent him from getting out. He looks to either side and sees Madison and Luciana flanking him, gripping onto his arms tightly. 

"Nicky!" 

Nick's gaze snaps forward and he sees Troy standing in the parking lot next to the El Camino. 

"Come on! We have to go!" Troy yells. 

Nick starts trying to get away from Madison and Luciana, but they're too strong. 

"Nick, please!" Troy shouts. 

"Help me!" Nick shouts backs. "Troy, help me!"

Troy starts running towards him, but he doesn't get very far before a gunshot rings out and he comes to a halt. He looks down at his chest where blood begins to blossom under his shirt, then he falls to his knees. 

"Troy!" Nick yells, finally breaking free of his mother and Luciana, sprinting towards him. 

Troy looks up, blood dribbling down his chin. "Nick...Nicky."

Nick blinks and Daniel appears behind Troy. "This was for my daughter," he says, gesturing to Troy. "And this is for me." He shoots Troy in the head and Nick starts screaming.

The dream melts away and Nick jolts awake in a cold sweat. 

"Nick?"

He looks to his right and sees Troy sitting there looking concerned. 

 _It was just a dream, it was just a dream,_ he chants to himself, trying to calm his breathing. 

He feels Troy rest a hand on his shoulder and covers it with his own, using it to reassure himself that Troy was safe - alive. 

"Did you have a nightmare?" 

Nick nods. 

Troy wraps his arms around Nick from behind and pulls him flush against his chest. Nick leans back, relishing in the comfort of Troy's arms until his heart returns to a steady beat. 

Troy starts rubbing his chest and he finds it soothing until his hand starts sliding down, slipping into his boxers.

"Troy what - " Nick cuts off with a gasp as Troy strokes his cock. 

"You had a nightmare. I just want to make you feel better," Troy says, breath hot in Nick's ear. He wraps his hand around Nick's cock and starts lazily jerking him off as he asks, "Want me to make you feel better?"

Nick moans, pushing back into Troy, the rough pads of his fingers only adding to the pleasure of his strokes. 

"Huh, Nicky? Want me to make you feel better?" He squeezes lightly. 

"Yes," Nick breathes, and Troy strokes him faster, kisses at his neck.  

Nick's eyes snap open and he sees Troy hovering over him, worry evident in his blue eyes. 

Troy squeezes his shoulder once before letting go. "You okay? You were shouting my name."

Nick bites the inside of his mouth, resisting the impulse to kiss Troy and make his dream a reality. 

"Did you have a nightmare?" Troy guesses. 

Nick nods. 

Troy pats his chest, leaving his hand there afterwards. Nick can't tear his eyes off of it. "I'm fine, Nicky. It was just a dream."

_It would be so easy to move his hand down..._

His cock twitches. 

"Nick? You okay?"

Nick forces himself to look away and scrambles into a sitting position before his half asleep - yet fully turned on - brain has him make an impulsive decision. 

"Yeah, um, sorry I fell asleep."

Troy shrugs. "It's okay. The book was kind of boring anyway."

Nick gives him a weak smile. 

"Are you _sure_ you’re okay? Do you want to talk about It?"

Troy tries to touch him again, but Nick jerks away. 

"No, I'm fine." He notices Troy's got his boots on and adds, "You should go."

Troy frowns, but after briefly hesitating he says, "Yeah. I'll uh, I'll see you tonight." 

Nick nods, not looking at Troy the entire time It takes him to get off the bed and leave the room. He breathes a sigh of relief and rests his head on the headboard, taking a moment to calm down a little. The panic from the nightmare recedes, but his cock is still hard and leaking, arousal prickling his skin.  

He starts palming himself through the thin fabric of his briefs, moaning lowly at the contact. It's far from being enough so Nick throw the covers off and shimmies down his briefs just enough to free himself. He pumps lotion onto his hand and slicks himself up, settling into a slow, steady pace.

He replays the dream in his head as he builds up his rhythm, imagines how it would've played out if Troy hadn't woken him. Troy stroking him, teasing him, all while sucking a bruise onto his neck, his own erection a hard line pressing into Nick's back. 

Nick sighs and starts massaging his balls with his free hand, imagines it's Troy's hand instead.

 _"Feeling better, yet Nicky? Want me to stop?"_ He imagines Troy asking just to tease him, just to hear him beg him not to. 

Nick adds a twist to his strokes, catching his thumb on his slit at the end of each one. He strokes himself faster as he pictures himself pressing back on Troy's cock, Troy pushing into his lower back in response. 

His breathing becomes harsher, his arousal intensifying tenfold, and he knows he won't last much longer at this rate.

" _Is that how you want me to make you feel better?"_ Troy's breath ghosts across skin, sending a shiver down his spine. He pulls Nick onto his lap, planting him right over his cock and Nick rocks back into him desperately. 

Nick holds onto that mental image and it's not long before he comes on his hand and stomach with a low, continuous moan, stroking himself until he becomes too sensitive. He just sits there a moment, trying to catch his breath.

The reality of what he's just done hits him like a wave, but it doesn't sweep him away like it probably should. 

He's been following Strand's advice to embrace everything he feels for Troy and while he's reluctant to cross certain boundaries, it's helped him feel less confused. Helped him realize that Troy isn't just a friend. That if they had never been separated they'd probably be together now.

But they had been, and instead of slowly progressing into more in secret, on their own terms. Now they're under a finely tuned microscope, being watched by everyone - though his mother and Luciana more so. He knows they would have their opinions, their hatred of Troy no matter what, but Troy could've done his penance - just enough for them to swallow it easier than they could now. 

Nick too. 

He pulls up his briefs with a sigh. He grabs Troy's pajama shirt and uses it to wipe off his come, figuring it was about time he washed it anyway. He tosses it to the floor and settles down into his bed. 

He tilts his head back and stares at the drawings above his bed. Eight in total, four of each from Charlie and Troy, each featuring a different animal and a corresponding pun. They never fail to make him smile, or offer him peace of mind and tonight's no different. He switches off his lamp and tries to go back to sleep, reminding himself that Troy isn't all bad, just as he's not all good. No one is anymore, not even the children. 

 

* * *

 

Troy's making repairs under the bus when he hears Mel and Ennis talking nearby. It's not hard to pick up that they're discussing him.   
  
"He's actually seemed happy lately, Ennis."

"And why do you think that is?" 

"Cos he's actually trying to make things work with us."

"Oh come on Mel! You can't possibly be this _stupid_!"

"I'm not!" Mel exclaims. "But I've gotten him to open up a bit the past two weeks and sure he’s still fucked up over Nick, but he's trying to find a more permanent place with us. He’s been spending time with Charlie, bringing her books. He's been going out more often to make sure we can afford to stay here for however long it takes. He has my back and doesn't look so miserable every time I ask him to do something."

"So what? He shares a couple beers with you and suddenly he’s your best friend?" Ennis questions in disbelief. 

"I'm not saying I trust him completely, but he hasn't given me a reason to doubt him. Charlie either. She says he hasn't been talking about Nick like he used to and shuts her down whenever she brings him up."

"How do you know she isn't covering for him?"

Mel scoffs. "Really? Now you're accusing _Charlie_ of lying to me? You really are paranoid Ennis."

"It's called being careful, Mel! You have a blind spot when it comes to her and I don't want either of us to get a nasty surprise because of it."

Mel sighs. "Look, if you find something out, I'm all ears, but until then I don't want to hear about this again understand?"

Ennis grunts in acknowledgement. 

He hears them walk off, and moves out from under the bus. He's collecting his tools when Mel finds him. 

"Feel up for a run?" 

"Sure." 

Mel doesn't say anything as he drives them to some unknown destination, but Troy can't say he minds, enjoying the a.c. too much. 

Mel eventually breaks the silence with, "Can I ask you something?" 

Troy looks over at him curiously. "Shoot."

"Do you think it's a mistake not to take the stadium by force?"

Troy considers his answer carefully, knowing this is probably some kind of test. "I think that the stadium has a defensive advantage that we can't break unless we're willing to risk destroying it."

"We could always rebuild," Mel points out. 

"We could," Troy agrees. "But how many of us would be left after? I know Madison and she won't go out without a fight. She might even burn it all down out of spite."

Mel takes a moment to process the information then he nods. "I've been telling Ennis that a war would take all of our resources, but he won't listen to me. He thinks waiting is a waste of time."

"Better to waste time then start a fight we can't win." Troy says casually. "I learned that the hard way."

"So you think we should stick to my plan?"

"I do," Troy says, "but if that changes I'll do what I can to minimize our losses. Though I can't make any promises."

Mel stares over at him, trying to suss out if he means it. He looks back at the road as he says, "Thanks."

It's the first time Mel's ever said it to him. 

"Just investing in my future," Troy says dismissively, turning to stare out the window. 

They don't say anything until they reach their destination. 

"Getting books for Charlie?" Troy guesses when they come to a stop in front of the library. 

Mel nods and they get out, keeping an eye out for infected, but all is quiet as they make their way in. They split up, Mel going to the young adults section while Troy wanders around.  

There's a book he's been trying to find for Nick, but he doesn't know what genre it is and hasn't been able to find it when he's come to find books for himself and Charlie. 

_"My dad used to give me books growing up. I would blow through one and he'd just hand me another."_

_"Did you have a favorite?" Troy asked, settling into the bed more comfortably._

_"It was usually whatever I was reading at the time."_

_"What was the last one you read?"_

_Nick almost took a little too long to answer, Troy about to succumb to sleep when he finally said, "I think it was Winesburg Ohio."_

_Winesburg Ohio, Troy thought, repeating it over and over until he was out._

He'sscanningthe short stories section - one of the only places he hasn't checked - when he see it on the bottom shelf. He smiles as he takes it, glad to have finally found it. 

"Troy!" Mel calls.

Troy quickly stuffs the book in his backpack and makes his way towards Mel, swiping a Stephen King book that's on a display he passes by. 

Mel's got two books in hand. He holds them up when Troy enters. "Which one do you think Charlie would like better, vampire or werewolves?"

"Werewolves."

"That's what I thought," Mel says. He turns and puts one of the books back on the shelves only to grab three more. "It's a series," he explains when he notices Troy looking at him. 

Troy nods. He starts looking around, mostly just biding time until Mel stuffs the books into his own bag, but he finds _Silence,_ _Crescendo_ and  _Finale,_ quick to stuff them both in his backpack before Mel sees. If anyone asks, he got them for Charlie, not because _he_ needed to know what happened next in the _Hush Hush_ series. 

"Come on," Mel says. "We should get back before it gets dark." 

They make their way to the exit. Mel's just walked out the front door when an infected blindsides him, knocking him to the ground. 

Troy's quick to respond, kicking the infected away before pulling out his knife and stabbing it in the head. 

"Behind you!" Mel shouts

Troy whips around just in time to put his hand against the infected's chest to keep it at bay. He pulls his knife out of the other infected and sinks it into the new one. 

He hears a noise to his right and sees Mel shove his knife into a third infected. He scans the area, but doesn't see any more of the dead in their immediate vicinity. He wipes the blood off his knife with a bandanna Charlie gifted him before sheathing it. 

Troy nods at the infected stumbling down the street towards them, attracted by the noise. "We should go before they come."

Mel leads the way back to the car. "You've got a fast reaction time," he comments once they're safely driving off. 

Troy shrugs. "Hesitation is how people get killed."

"Yeah, well, thanks for having my back "

"Thanks for having mine." 

It's not the first time they've saved each other, but Troy guesses after the talk with Ennis, Mel needed reassurance about his loyalty. He takes the thanks as a sign he's passed another test. 

 

* * *

  
“Brought something for you.”

Nick looks up and sees Troy offering him a book. He reaches for it, realizing what it is almost immediately.

 _Winesburg Ohio_. A book his father had given him long ago, the book he'd been reading the night before Gloria OD’D.

“You remembered,” Nick says in awe, running his hand over the cover. “Where did you find it?”

“Went on a run with Mel today. Found it at a library nearby.

Nick smiles fondly, then looks up at Troy. “Thank you.”

Troy smiles back. “You're welcome, Nicky.”

Both the book and the soft way Troy says his name makes his chest swell with affection. 

He looks down, hoping to hide his face in case it shows something he'd rather not let Troy see. 

“Read it to me?” Troy suggests as he takes his seat.

Nick opens the book and starts reading, hit with a wave of nostalgia. It feels like ages had passed since the last time he'd read this book, but it hasn't even been a year.

Time seemed to both race by and drag on, especially these days.

Troy asks questions between listening and eating the food Nick brought for him. It feels nice, domestic even.

Nick wonders if this what their future will be like. Part of it at least. Maybe they'll wake up early to work on the garden, or tend to the animals. Maybe they'll go out on runs or take watch together. And maybe after all of it, they'll come here to read and have a late night snack before they go their separate ways.

Or maybe they'll do all of it with a few additions. Like sleeping together, waking up together, taking turns reading to each other, cuddling, kissing...having sex. 

But those additions can't come unless he let's things change between them. If he can embrace how he feels unapologetically.

“Nick?”

Nick blinks and focuses on the hand Troy’s waving in front of him.

"You all right? You spaced out."

“Uh, yeah, sorry. I was just thinking.”

Troy drops his hand. “About what?”

_You._

Nick closes the book, marking his place with his left thumb. “My ex,” he lies smoothly. “I was reading this part the last time we shot up. Before she turned.”

Troy pats his right hand twice before letting his own rest on top of it. Nick turns his hand palm up instinctively, let's Troy interlock their fingers.

It occurs to him then that the hand holding has become a common thing between them. Natural. It happened almost every time they were together for one reason or another. Or no reason at all other than they had a free hand.

"How did she die?"

"Overdose. She was the first of the dead I saw and she freaked me out so bad I ran out into the street and got hit by a car."

Troy shakes his head. "You’re supposed to look both ways before crossing the street, Nicky."

Nick shrugs. "I was high man...and you know I just watched my girlfriend eat someone's face off. I couldn't exactly think straight."

Flashes of their night at the bazaar come to mind. They must pop into Troy's head too because he asks, "Do you miss getting high?"

"Sometimes," Nick admits. "It feels... _nice_ to be clean, but I miss the rush of being high. Especially when things get to be too much."

"Are they too much right now?"

Nick nods. "But I'm not about to raid the infirmary or anything. Not like we have anything that strong anyway."

Troy gives him a look he can't quite decipher then says. "You know you're the only thing that's ever made me feel fear and I'm grateful for that, I am, but...I'm glad you're clean."

_Grateful? What?_

Nick decides to just gloss over the fear part entirely.  "Why?"

Troy shrugs. "One of us has to be sane."

Nick snorts. "You seem sane enough."

_Sort of. Sometimes._

"For the moment, but things could get ugly any day now. Who knows what we'll have to do. I might need you to pull me back like you did before."

"And after?" Nick questions, not because he plans to break his sobriety, but because he can't say for sure he'll never get high again. 

Troy gently rubs his thumb against Nick's hand. "After we can keep each other from needing to be pulled back. We can throw ourselves into this place and try not to slip up."

_A future of balancing each other out...or maybe just cleaning up the aftermath..._

"You really think it'll be that easy?" Nick asks. 

 _"_ No, but it's worth a shot, isn't it? I mean, what have we got to lose?"

"Madison's already threatened to kick you out if you mess up once."

"Just threaten to leave with me again and she'll have no choice but to let me stay." He says it so nonchalantly that it makes Nick chuckle. 

"Got it all figured out, huh?"

"You could say that." 

Nick shakes his head, a smile forming. 

"So what do you say, Nick? Want to give it a shot?"

He does. He really, really does. 

"Okay." Nick uses their conjoined hands to pull Troy closer to him, intending to kiss him, to chase the sudden craving to know how soft Troy's lips are. To lean into the feelings stirred by this offer, by a new piece of their future getting put into place. 

But then Nick hears the doorknob turn just before the door swings open.  
  
"Nick what are - " Madison cuts off abruptly.  
  
Nick sits up straight in his chair, jerking his hand out of Troy's suddenly feeling like a teenager caught doing something bad with a boy in their room. He doesn't know what to say.  
  
"Madison," Troy greets calmly, turning to face her. Her eyes land on him and they're full of rage.  
  
"How did he get in here?" Madison asks, directing her attention to Nick.  

Nick doesn't respond.

" _What_ is he doing in here?” She tries. 

“Eating.” Troy says, gesturing to his half eaten peanut butter sandwich.

Madison glares at him, then looks to Nick. “Nick, a word?”

Nick gets up, and Madison steps outside. He hands Troy the book and follows after her.

“What the _hell_ are you thinking letting him in here?” Madison whisper-yells.

“I'm thinking he should get used to this place.”

Madison huffs. “You can't trust him, Nick. Not this much.”

“But I do,” Nick says. “He hasn't done anything but help us since he came back.”

“How do you know that he isn't playing you like Charlie did? That he isn't feeding information back to Mel?”

“He isn't.”

“You can't know that for sure."

“Maybe I can't prove it, but I know he isn't playing me.”

He can practically see the gears turning in Madison’s head as she tries to find a new tactic.

“Look, you don't have to trust Troy, but I'm asking you - no,  _begging_ you to trust  _me,_ ”

“Nick, he -

“ _Please,_ mom. Just trust me about him.”

Madison studies him, considers what he's asking. She looks conflicted. 

"He’s risking his life for us every time he gives us something, but he does it without asking because he wants to help us."

After what feels like forever she says, “Okay," but if she clenches her jaw any tighter she might break it. 

Nick sags with relief.

“But if you're wrong - “

“I know.”

It quiet a beat then Madison asks, “Why were you holding hands?”

Nick’s heart skips. “I was telling him about Gloria. He brought me the book I was reading the last time I was with her so...”

Madison thinks for a moment. “Winesburg Ohio? Didn't your dad give you that? “

Nick frowns. He doesn't know how she knows that at first, but then he remembers her telling him about going to the church with Travis when they were looking for him. “Um, yeah."

Her eyes narrow as a thought seem to strike her."He hasn't been leaving supplies by that car has he? He's just been bringing them in."

"Yeah...I gave him the keys to the locker room entrance."

Madison scoffs, looking ready to tear into him, but at the last moment she shuts her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose. When she finally opens her eyes again she says, “Just don't let anyone see him, all right? “

"All right." He turns to leave. 

“And Nick?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Be careful with him. You know what he's capable of.”

Nick walks away. He goes back to Troy who's still holding their place in the book with his thumb and eating the last of his sandwich.

“Does she want me to leave?” Troy guesses as Nick takes his seat.

“She always wants you to leave.”

“Guess she still hasn't been won over by my charm.”

Nick snorts. “There's no charm in being an asshole.”

“I'd say there is or I wouldn't be friends with  _you._ ”

“Are you calling me an asshole?”

Troy grins. “Takes one to know one.”

Nick rolls his eyes. “Start reading asshole. We don't have a lot of time left.”

Troy looks all too pleased with himself as he opens the book. As Nick listens, he watches Troy, drinking in the sight of him. He's always known Troy was attractive, he’d have to have been blind not to, but lately he can't seem to stop noticing this fact.

Troy looks up, blue eyes meeting his for only a split second, but it's enough to jolt him from his appreciation. He reaches over and grabs Troy’s free hand, feeling content when Troy’s only reaction is to brush his thumb over the back of his hand.

_This is enough for now._

After a while, Troy stops reading without warning, slipping in a bookmark that he pulls out of his pants pocket. 

"Something wrong?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

Nick frowns. "No?"

"Then why were you acting so weird this morning?"

The question makes him nervous, flashes of both his dreams filling his head. "My nightmare left me pretty rattled." There's enough truth to make it sound convincing. 

"Will you tell me about it?"

Nick does, feeling nauseous as he relives it. 

Troy can't seem to look at him. "I don't regret it."

"You were defending yourself." Nick says, guilt gnawing in his stomach. 

"I don't regret what I did to the Ranch either."

"I know."

"But I do regret that keeping my secret is affecting you." Troy looks him dead in the eye as he says it. 

"It was just one nightmare. It's not a big deal." Nick assures him. 

"Nicky, I was almost out the door when you started _screaming_ my name in your sleep. You sounded _terrified_."

Nick's palms start sweating. "Watching you die never gets any easier."

"Then why did you kick me out? I could've helped you calm down."

_"Want me to make you feel better? Huh, Nicky?"_

Nick swallows, throat suddenly dry. "I just wasn't ready to talk about it."

"But you can, you know? Talk to me about your nightmares."

Nick squeezes his hand, his chest swelling with affection. "I will next time."

Troy squeezes back, his gaze flicking down to Nick's lips, and Nick wonders if he's brave enough to do what he couldn't. 

He isn't. 

Instead he looks away and says, "You know I had a few nightmares where I found you again but you were one of the dead."

"Yeah? Did you bury me?"

Troy shakes his head. "I made it so you couldn't bite me and took you with me."

"You made me your pet?" Nick questions. 

"What can I say? I couldn't deal with you being gone."

Nick chuckles. "That's kind of sweet...in a twisted sort of way."

Troy looks at him with a grin. "Well you know me, Nicky, sweet as molasses."

Nick snorts. 

Troy looks out the window and nods to the horizon. "Time's up."

Nick stands up first, tugging on Troy's hand until he stands up. He leads the way to the locker room. 

"See you tomorrow," Troy says once they've reached the doors. 

But Nick doesn't let go of his hand and Troy jerks back, looking at him in confusion. 

Nick leans into everything he's felt for Troy that day and hugs him. Easing the panic, validating every scrap of affection he felt, taking the comfort he had to deny because of his attraction. Because of his pick and choose boundaries. 

Troy wraps his arms around him and holds him tight. "I'm here, Nicky. I'm still alive."

And suddenly Nick never wants to let go because in this moment he's acutely aware of the possibility of Troy leaving and not coming back. It's something he's worried about before, but right now it strikes fear in his heart. 

_I can't lose him again. I can't._

Nick only pulls away because he knows Troy can't stay. Not yet. 

"I'll come back as soon as I can," Troy tells him. " _Alive_."

"Yeah..."

"But if I don't, maybe you'll be the one to keep _me_ as a pet," he jokes. 

Nick frowns and Troy quickly realizes that was the wrong thing to say. 

Troy places his hand on the back of Nick's neck, resting his forehead against Nick's. "I'm going to keep coming back to you." 

Nick stares into his blue eyes, sees the determination in them, the dedication. The love. It all assuages his fear enough to allow him to gently push into Troy's forehead. 

 _He's really bad at hiding his feelings,_ Nick thinks, then, S _o am I._

* * *

  
  
Troy wipes the infected blood off his knife. He feels nothing when he kills anymore. The rush of it exhausted by the time he's been with the Vultures. It's still a simple choice, still natural to him, but it's no longer as satisfying.  
  
"Thanks," Ennis grunts, looking very unhappy for someone who just got saved.  
  
Troy nods, sheathing his knife.  
  
"Get the shit, and let's go," Ennis orders.  
  
Troy squeezes the handle of his knife, wishing very much he could drive it through Ennis' skull. But he can't let anything happen to Mel or Ennis until he knows the stadium will be safe. There's no telling what one will do without the other.  
  
He collects the supplies Ennis dropped in the struggle and goes to the El Camino where Ennis waits impatiently. He doesn't know why Ennis hates him so much, but it's never bothered him. Ennis still keeps him alive despite it and that's all that matters.  
  
Troy sets the supplies in the back then gets in the passenger seat. It's silent as they drive to their next location, but that's how things usually are with Ennis.  
  
"Mel told me your little boyfriend stood you up awhile back," Ennis says when he stops the car at an abandoned homeless shelter.  
  
Troy's careful to keep his expression neutral. "He’s not my anything."  
  
"Not anymore."  
  
Troy doesn't respond, instead choosing to get out of the car.   
  
"Can't say I blame him for not showing up," Ennis continues as he gets out too. " He’s got it pretty cushy in the stadium. Can't imagine he’d throw it all away for a _monster_ like you."  
  
Troy just barely manages to bite his tongue.  He slams the door shut and rounds the car while Ennis keeps talking.

"He's got to know how much blood you have your hands now. The things you've done," Ennis whistles, "well,  they make the stuff Mel and I have done look like child's play. I mean, what you did to your own home? The experiments you did in El Paso? You're a real piece of work. Who could ever love a freak like you?"  
  
That last part cuts Troy at his core, his hands curling into fists.  
  
"Not Nick, that's for sure," Ennis taunts.

"Shut up!" Troy snaps.   
  
Ennis chuckles. "Aww, did I hit a nerve?"  
  
"Fuck you." Troy spits.   
  
"Sorry, but I'm not a little _queer_ like you."  
  
Troy can't stop himself from decking Ennis at that. The sound of his fist connecting with Ennis' jaw is so incredibly satisfying he hits him again and again until what he's doing fully sinks in.   
  
Ennis spits out blood, then looks at Troy with a grin. "I wonder how your new pal Mel will react when he finds out you attacked me for no reason."  
  
"He knows you're an asshole who deserves it," Troy replies calmly, feeling anything but.  
  
"Maybe. And maybe he'll punish you anyway."  
  
Troy just glares at him.  
  
"I don't know why you've suddenly decided to cozy up to my brother, but I don't trust it."  
  
"Worried your brother's starting to like me better than you?" Troy questions.   
  
"Suspicious more like. You've been with us eight months and you've done everything we've asked sure, but you've always had a mouth on you, always made it clear you didn't like us. And then we come here and you reunite with your little buddy. He supposedly stands you up when you reach out and now you’re all obedient, now you’re all buddy buddy with Mel? I ain't buying it. I think you’re up to something."  
  
"Up to  _what?_ " Troy asks in exasperation. He has to throw Ennis off his trail now or he'll only keep sniffing around. If he figures out Troy leaves the caravan every night and returns just before sunrise it won't take long for him to piece together why or even worse follow and find a weak point in the stadium’s defenses.  
  
"Something with Nick or Madison."  
  
Troy groans in frustration. "Madison hates me! She would rather see me dead than let me help her! And Nick...Nick's abandoned me! He's happy with Luciana and he couldn't give a damn about me anymore! So I'm not up to anything, I'm not making plans to betray you I'm just..." He lets out a huff. "I'm just trying to accept that you, Mel, Charlie and everyone else are the best I'm going to get out of this life."  
  
Ennis studies him, looks unsure now.  
  
After a moment, Troy huffs and shakes his head. He unsheathes his knife and shoves it flat against Ennis' chest. Ennis grabs it before it falls to the ground.

"I have  _nothing._ My family's dead, my home is gone. Nick doesn't want anything to do with me. Even the tent I sleep in is  _yours_. But if you really think I'm plotting against you just kill me now and get it over with."  
  
Ennis raises the knife but he doesn't move, sizing Troy up.   
  
Troy never thought of himself as much of an actor, but after getting Mel on his side he’d thought he was quite a convincing one, so it fills him with dread when Ennis says, "I  _almost_ believed you just now.  _Almost."_

Ennis taps his temple with the handle of the knife. “But see, I remember _what_ you are and I know what drives you. Impulse. Obsession.  _Emotion_. There's no way in hell you would ever let Nick walk away from you like you say he did. You'd either kill him or get him to kill you because you  _just can't_ help yourself.”

Troy frowns, staring at Ennis in disbelief. He starts to panic internally. “ _What?_ That's insane.”

“And so are you. Don't think I'm stupid enough to forget that.” Ennis adjusts his grip on the knife.

Troy expects it to come forward, sink into his stomach, but it doesn't.  
  
Instead Ennis shoves the hilt into his hand and he grabs it reflexively.

Ennis takes a step forward. "I'm going to _enjoy_ killing you...But not yet. _First_ , I'm going to prove to my brother that you’re playing him, then I'll convince him to take the stadium and then I'll make sure you watch as I kill your precious little  _Nicky_."  
  
Troy gets in his face, can't stop himself from saying, "I'll kill you before I let that happen.”  
  
Ennis isn't fazed, in fact he grins at the threat.  " _See?_ There's that love for Nick you want us to forget about."  
  
Troy stands his ground. He doesn't know what to do now. If Ennis was someone else he’d just kill him, make up some excuse about being attacked by a herd.   
  
Ennis pats his shoulder, looking smug now.  "Can't kill me because you know Mel would never forgive you, even if you managed to cover it up, spun some story, he’d kill you for coming back without me. Might even wage a war if you curtailed it back to Nick just to get to you."  
  
"You think your brother loves you that much?" Troy questions skeptically.  
  
"Well that's the beauty of all this," Ennis says. "You're not close enough to know for sure either way how Mel feels about me and that's why we're going to raid this shelter, go back, and pretend this little chat never happened."  
  
As much as Troy hates to admit it, he knows Ennis is right. It's why he leads the way into the shelter and takes out his anger on every infected he comes across.

 

* * *

 

“Nick.”

Nick closes his book and reaches for his walkie. “Yeah?”

“Can you bring some plywood to the away dugout?” Madison asks.

“Sure, but why do you need it?”

“Building a room for Charlie.”

“Sure. Be there soon.”

He can't say it's too surprising to learn Madison is making space for Charlie. She feels just as protective of her as he does.

But he  _is_ surprised to find Luciana instead of Madison waiting for him when goes to drop off the plywood.

“Where's my mom?” He questions, setting the plywood on the ground.

Luciana looks at him for a moment, then turns away quickly.

_Still not ready to talk then._

“I don't know,” Luciana says. “She asked if I could bring her some nails.”

Nick frowns, confused at first, but then he’s struck with perfect clarity when he remembers Madison was set to go on a run today.

He laughs in disbelief.

"What?” Luci asks.

“I think she's trying to get us to talk.”

Luciana turns to face him. “Why would she do that?”

“She probably thinks that if we talk we can fix things between us.”

“You didn't tell her why we broke up?”

Nick shakes his head.

“Maybe you should so I don't walk into any more traps,” she says, setting the nails on the ground and walking past him.

Nick sighs. He grabs his walkie. “Where are you really?”

“Did you two talk?” Madison asks, not an ounce of shame in her voice. 

“No, because Luci doesn't want to talk and I don't blame her.”

“So  _you_ did something.”

Nick really, really can't believe the nerve of her sometimes. “You want to know what really happened? Fine. I couldn't tell her that I loved her or that I would let go of Troy so she ended it.”

No response.

“I know you like to control everything mom, but sometimes things just can't be fixed.”

“If you're not in love with Luciana, then are you in love with Troy?”

He's glad she's not there to see his face, see the answer there that he's sure grows more obvious by the day. “Stay out of my love life.”

“That's not a no.”

Nick turns off his walkie, and goes to work on Troy’s room in the opposite dugout. 

He's tired of Madison’s games, tired of people asking him about Troy, tired of the shame, of the guilt he feels for caring about Troy so much in the face of their hatred. But he can't escape any of it.

And he thinks he knows the answer to that question always burning in the back of his mind now, but...

How does he just say that he's falling in love with Troy despite all of the terrible things he’s done when it only fills him with overwhelming shame?

How can he say it to the woman he used to love about the man that killed her people? The man that tried to kill them a few different times? The man that was going to let her die?

How can he say it to his mom about the man that almost killed his sister and  _did_ kill an entire community? The man that was going to kill him, Travis and Luciana for his twisted experiments? The man she manipulated and tried to murder?

Simple. He can't. 

He can barely say it to himself and only when he's with Troy and he's reminded of how much he likes him. When he sees the softer parts of Troy that he doesn't show anyone else. 

All he can really do is hope that one day Troy will do enough to earn his place in the diamond and make up for the things he's done. 

 

* * *

  
  
Troy shows up covered in blood that night so Nick sends him to the locker room while he finds some spare clothing. It doesn't take him long and he's glad for it when he hears a loud bang come from the locker room.  
  
He sprints, afraid of what could've happened, of who could've found Troy.  
  
He finds Luciana holding a knife to Troy's throat, keeping him pinned against the lockers.  
  
"Luci!" Nick exclaims.  
  
She turns and stares at him for a long moment, then she takes a step back, sheathing her knife. She walks over to Nick. "Did you even ask whose blood he's wearing before sending him to wash it off?"  
  
Nick doesn't get a chance to reply as Luciana shoves past him. He shares a look with Troy as he pushes off the lockers.

The door to the locker room slams shut and Nick winces. 

"I brought you some clean clothes," Nick says after an awkward silence, offering them to Troy.  
  
Troy takes them and set them on the bench in front of the lockers. "Aren't you going to ask me?"  
  
"Ask you what?"  
  
"Where the blood came from. If it's from the living or the dead."  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
  
Troy takes a step forward. "Doesn't it? I mean Luciana seems to think so. Madison probably would too. So why wouldn't you?"  
  
"Because I don't care who you kill out there." And it's an awful thing to say, but it's the truth. 

Troy takes another step forward. "Why not? I thought you of all people would want me to be good. I mean isn't that part of pulling each other back?"   
  
"Yeah, but that's for after. Right now, I don't need you to be good Troy. I'm not asking you to be. Not until you live inside these walls, not until these people become yours to protect."

"And what makes you think I'll protect them?" Troy questions.  
  
"Because protecting them means protecting me, and I know  _I_ matter to you."  
  
Troy stares at him for a moment, then he takes a step back, takes off his shirt. "You do," he says before unbuttoning his jeans. "And I'll do whatever I have to to keep you safe."

Nick looks away when he pulls down his pants. 

"Nicky." Troy says after a moment.   
  
Nick looks over and sees him standing buck naked by the showers, looking over his shoulder at him.  
  
"It's infected blood."  
  
Nick nods. Troy stays stock-still and Nick’s gaze slips from his face to his shoulder blades, to his lower back -

“You know, it's rude to stare,” Troy says.

Nick’s gaze snaps back up, and he rolls his eyes at the teasing grin on Troy’s face. “Just checking for bites.”

Troy seems amused by his response. He turns around and Nick gets an eyeful. “Want to take a closer look?” 

It's tempting to flirt back, to see what would happen, but the events from that afternoon are still weighing on Nick.   

“Hurry up and shower before someone else discovers you're here,” Nick says, prying his eyes away from Troy. He walks away before Troy can say anything else.  
  
He does a quick sweep of the hallway, then heads back to the locker room, relieved when he hears the showers running.

He grabs Troy's dirty clothes and starts washing out as much of the blood as possible from them. Eventually he stops and leaves them to soak while he checks the hall one more time for his own peace of mind. 

When he returns, Troy’s toweling off by the lockers. It's then that he notices something.  
  
"Your hand.”

Troy moves the towel from his face and looks at his hand as if he's just noticed the damaged skin of his knuckles. He looks at Nick, then starts drying off the rest of his body. “Got into it with Ennis today.”

“What happened?”

Troy dresses as he tells Nick all about his talk with Ennis.

“We have to get them out of here.” Nick says, anger prickling his skin. 

“You got any leads on supplies?” 

“No. And we send people out almost everyday, but they don't find much." 

“That's probably because we've already swept through the major hotspots in the area.”

Nick sighs and goes over to the sinks. “We'll need to start going out farther.”

“And I need to not come here so often,” Troy says. “Ennis is going to be watching everything I do.”

Nick frowns, picking up Troy’s shirt and squeezing the red water out of it. He's gotten used to Troy coming around every night, but he's not going to risk their lives over it.

“You don't seem too happy about that.” Troy comments.

Nick looks up into the mirror and sees Troy watching him. He looks down, and squeezes the shirt again. “You've only been back a few weeks.”

“And you're not sick of me yet?”

“Surprisingly not.”

Nick unfurls the shirt, shakes it a bit so he can check it for blood. There's still some deeply stained in, but it's as clean as he can get it without soap so he sets it aside and moves on to do the same to Troy’s jeans.

“We'll have plenty of time to make up for it once we find a way to show Mel that this place isn't dying.”

“I'll talk to Madison about going out on longer runs.”

“And I'll make sure Mel keeps thinking I'm loyal to him.”

Nick nods. He squeezes the water out of Troy’s jeans one more time before setting them aside and grabbing Troy’s boxers.

“You know, those don't have any blood on them. You didn't need to wash them.”

“Still dirty,” Nick says with a shrug.

“If you wanted to see my underwear you could've just asked.”

_He's being bolder than normal._

Nick ignores him in favor of squeezing the water out of his underwear. After he's gotten most of it out he throws them at Troy, hitting him in the chest. "Take your clothes and find a place for them to dry in my room."

Troy grabs his underwear and stands up. "Don’t want to go to the booth tonight?"

Nick shakes his head. "Hungry?"

"Ate dinner with Mel and Charlie."

That's come to mean Troy's eaten well, and while it's a good thing, Nick can't help but worry that when the time comes to betray Mel things will get messy. He doesn't doubt Troy will do his part, or kill Mel if he needs to, he only worries Mel will retaliate - hurt Troy if he gets the chance. Broken trust stung at someone's core and Troy's done nothing but earn Mel's lately.

"I'll meet you back in my room."

"Where are you going?"

"To get something for your hand."

Troy raises his injured hand. "It's fine. I cleaned the cuts earlier."

"Wouldn't hurt to clean them again or keep them wrapped until they're healed."

Troy nods. 

Nick leaves, heading straight for the infirmary. He knows Naomi typically sleeps there - having taken over as the unofficial doctor, but he hopes to slip in and out without waking her. 

He doesn't see her when he enters much to his relief. He looks around for a medkit, but doesn't find it in plain sight so he starts looking through the cabinets. 

"Need something?"

He startles at the unexpected voice and hits his head on a cabinet door. He rubs the side of his head as he turns to see Naomi in the doorway.

"Yeah, um, you got a medkit?"

She looks him over. "Are you injured?"

"No, my friend is." 

"The double agent?" She questions. 

Nick nods. He wonders what Troy would think of being called that. 

"What happened to him?"

"Got into a fight and now his knuckles are all cracked and bloody."

Naomi moves over to a cabinet and starts grabbing things. "You know I was worried you might be looking for something else."

Nick huffs. "What does my mom go around telling everyone I'm a junkie?"

"She might've mentioned it yeah."

Nick rolls his eyes. "I'm clean."

"She was worried your friend would set you back. Asked me to keep an eye out." Naomi explains, stepping away from the cabinet with an assortment of items in her hand. "Come here."

Nick does. 

She hands him things one by one saying, "Clean the cuts with peroxide first, Then alcohol, then water. And apply this ointment before you apply the bandages."

Nick nods. He repeats the instructions back for good measure.

"Good. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to sleep." Naomi tells him. 

"Thanks."

She nods and he walks past her. "Nick?" She says just as he reaches the door.

He turns to look at her curiously. 

"Do you think this place is worth saving? Worth fighting for?"

"I do," Nick says.

"Why?"

"I see a future here."

"The threat in the parking lot doesn't make you want to run?"

Nick shrugs. "It does, but running from place to place gets old and life should be about more than just surviving. So  _yeah_ , I think this place is worth fighting for because at a point you just have to invest in your own future. I mean, what’s the point of living through all this if you don't have anything to fight for?"

Naomi doesn't respond and Nick chooses to leave, hoping he said enough to help her decide whatever spurred her questions. It makes him think about the investments he's made in his own future as he makes his way to his room. 

All of the ones he's made recently involve Troy - more specifically a life with Troy by his side. However he wants him. 

Troy's sitting on the edge of his bed when he returns. He sits next to him, setting everything on the bed behind them. 

"Give me your hand," Nick instructs, grabbing the peroxide. 

Troy obliges. 

Nick opens the bottle then outstreches their hands so the peroxide hits the floor as as he pours it over the cuts. 

Troy hisses at the contact.

"What did you guys tell Mel about your injuries?" Nick asks to take his mind off of it. 

"Uh, Ennis said we ran into trouble with some other survivors."

Nick puts the lid on the peroxide and exchanges it for the alcohol. "Mel believed that?" He questions a he pours the alcohol over the wound. 

Troy takes a sharp breath before saying, "Why wouldn't he? He knows Ennis isn't the type to keep quiet when something's bothering him."

Nick gets up to grab an unopened bottle of water on the filing cabinets, setting the alcohol in it's place. He kicks a dirty towel he sees over to the mess on the floor before rejoining Troy on the bed and continues his treatment of Troy's hand. 

"You shouldn't take the bait next time," Nick says, drying Troy's hand on the bottom of his shirt. "It could get you killed."

"I couldn't help it! He pissed me off! He called me a...a..."

" _Queer_. I know, but you're safety should matter to you more than what someone calls you." 

Troy huffs as Nick starts applying the ointment. "It's not _what_ he called me that pissed me off, it was how he said it, like I disgusted him. It reminded me of the things my father used to say about this gay friend Jake made the mistake of bringing home during one of his breaks."

Nick studies his face as he rubs the ointment in. "Did Jeremiah know _you_ were gay?"

Troy's eyes shoot up to meet his. "I wouldn't still be breathing if he did."

_He’d allow you to be a killer, but not gay?_

As if reading his mind Troy says, "He’d only allow me so much freedom. I chose the ones that he wouldn't kill me over."

Nick looks away to put more ointment on his finger. "Was it hard to hide that part of yourself?"

Troy shakes his head. "I've never been good at connecting with people and I spent most of my life on the ranch so it wasn't like I met anyone who tempted me to risk outing myself. Besides, I liked what I was doing too much to care."

"He didn't think it was weird you never had a girlfriend?"

Troy shrugs. "Probably thought no one could ever love me. I mean, even my own mother hated me, why should he expect any different from someone else? Why should _I?_ "

Nick frowns. He want to argue that Troy _should_ expect different, but he knows he can't. What could he say? That Troy was a good person who deserved to be loved? They both know that isn't true. 

Troy places his uninjured hand on the one Nick's holding the ointment with. "But who needs love when I got _you_ to take care of me." 

Nick's heart stutters and he moves his hand out from under Troy's to recap the ointment before grabbing the band aids. "You now what would help with that? If you didn't take the bait when someone's trying to get a rise out of you."

"I couldn't help myself. All the stuff he was saying..."

"It doesn't matter, he wanted to rile you up and you fell for it."

Troy sighs. "I know."

"Promise me you won't fall for it next time."

"But what if - 

Nick briefly stops fiddling with the bandaids to say, "No! Promise me you won't lash out like this again."

"Nicky - "

"You're playing with fire out there Troy, and _I_ can't protect you!" Nick exclaims, surprising both of them with his outburst.

Troy stares at him, speechless. 

Nick feels his face heating up under Troy's gaze and looks away, finally opening the stupid box of bandaids. "You have to keep yourself safe for both our sakes," he adds quietly. 

Troy has this intense look in his eyes when Nick dares to look at him again, and it's only when he suddenly looks away that Nick realizes he's about to cry. "You really care about me, don't you Nicky?" His voice is low and strained as he speaks.

Nick peels off the plastic on the bandaid and puts it over Troy's knuckle. "I do. I keep telling you that asshole. It's why I need you to promise me."

Troy doesn't respond until after Nick's put on the last bandaid. "I promise I won't take the bait next time" he says quietly, still not looking at him. 

Nick puts his hand on Troy’s cheek, heart hammering away in his chest as he waits for Troy to look at him so he can say, "Thank you."

Troy has unshed tears in his eyes, and he leans into Nick's touch.

It's almost heartbreaking to see how much it affects Troy to just know that Nick genuinely cares about his wellbeing. 

_How would he react if I told him I loved him?_

His stomach flutters at the thought. 

Nick gestures to the bed with a nod of his head. "Why don't you rest while I clean up?"

Troy nods. 

Nick pulls his hand away as Troy turns to crawl up the bed. He gets to work right away, making sure the floor is dry and all the things Naomi gave him are properly sealed before heading back to the infirmary and away from the emotionally charged atmosphere of his room. 

Naomi's fast asleep in her cot when he returns everything and he briefly wonders if she's thinking of leaving the diamond and that's what prompted their earlier conversation.  He doesn't dwell on it, caught up in his own worries about Troy. 

When he gets back to his room, Troy’s still awake, and he's got Winesburg Ohio on his chest. 

Nick plops down onto his bed, grabs the book, quickly finds their place in it and starts reading. 

Eventually Troy stops him so he can take a nap and he puts the book away. He grabs a different book to read, feeling Troy slip his hand into his once he settles into the bed. 

Troy falls asleep fairly quickly and Nick intends to read until just before sunrise, but despite his best efforts he falls asleep

 

* * *

 

Nick wakes up sweating - which in itself isn't unusual, but the heat radiating against his back is. He takes a long moment to convince himself he should open his eyes. Feeling an arm around his waist pull him closer is what finally makes him do it. He blinks against the morning light filtering into the room before looking behind him to see Troy - fast asleep with his chin resting against Nick's shoulder. 

He looks so peaceful, so beautiful, and Nick can't help his sleepy smile at the sight. He settles his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes and preparing to fall back asleep. 

Then it hits him.  
  
_The sun is out!_

Nick's eyes shoot open, and he's quick to sit up, feeling Troy's head bounce on the matress. He turns and he sees Troy starting to stir. 

"Troy wake up!" Nick exclaims, reaching over to shake his arm. 

"Whaaat?" Troy groans before rolling away from him. 

"The suns up."

Troy is slow to react, but when the weight of those words hit him, he throws the blankets off, shouting, "Shit!"

Nick gets up while Troy grabs his boots. “I'll go make sure it's clear.”

"Hurry."

Nick leaves the room, trying his best to appear calm instead of panicky. He heads straight to the locker room, pleased when he doesn't see anyone in the halls, though he curses to himself when he hears the showers running in the locker room as well as voices. All hope of sneaking Troy out dies when he sees Barry and Carson talking on the benches. 

He uses the bathroom not to raise suspicion, then hurries back to his room where he finds Troy pacing.

Troy whips around to face him. “All clear?”

Nick shakes his head. “There's a group of people in there. We'll have to wait.”

His answer stresses Troy out. He turns away and punches the filing cabinet with his injured hand. “Fuck!”

Nick steps towards him and gingerly grabs his hand. “We'll figure it out.”

Troy stares briefly at their hands, then meets his gaze. “This is only going to make Ennis suspicious.”

“You can't think of anything you could say to throw him off?”

Troy appears to think for a moment, then he says, “ _Maybe_ , but I don't know if he'll believe me.”

“Will  _Mel_ believe you?”

Troy shrugs. “He might.”

“Then that's all that matters right now,” Nick says, gently squeezing his hand.

Troy nods, calming down slightly.

“I'll go check out the locker room in a few minutes, but until then we'll just wait.”

Troy slips his hand out of Nick's and goes to sit on the edge of the bed. Nick sits next to him.

“You know, Ennis thinks you're my boyfriend.”

Nick shrugs. "He can think what he wants.”

“Yeah…”

It's the way Troy says it, as if he was hoping for another reaction that stands out to Nick. 

 _Wait._   _Is he...testing me?_

He can either brush it off or make a move. 

Nick grabs Troy's hand, determined not to let his nerves get the best of him as he says, "Whatever we are is between us."

Troy looks at him, a curious glint in his eyes. "You mean best friends?"

"I mean whatever we are or...whatever we become." Nick's palms are sweaty now.

Troy smiles, a big dopey one Nick would never expect from him, and squeezes his hand. "You falling for me, Nicky?" He teases, sounding all too pleased. 

"Shut up." It's not the most mature response, but he doesn't want to give Troy the satisfaction of a real answer. Not yet. 

"One day, Nicky, you’re going to admit you love me." 

Nick rolls his eyes and gets up. "I'll be back when the coast is clear, asshole."

Troy just laughs. 

 

* * *

 

Troy feels on top of the word as he makes his way back to his tent, and he has to bite back the smile wanting to break free. For the first time, he actually believes Nick is capable of loving him back. 

"Where the hell have you been?" Ennis demands as soon as he spots him.  
  
"Went to clean up and find some new clothes, "Troy answers, his good mood taking a severe dip.   
  
"On foot?" Ennis questions skeptically.  
  
Troy shrugs. "Couldn't sleep."  
  
Ennis looks doubtful.   
  
"Just leave him be, Ennis," Mel interjects as he walks over to them. 

"He could've been with his little boyfriend for all we know.”

"Oh, come on, you know how he gets when he can't sleep. 'member when he took out that herd all by himself in Junction? "

Ennis grunts, but it's clear by the way he's still eyeing Troy that he's suspicious.

"Made eggs and sausages for breakfast,” Mel tells him.

Ennis gives him a disgusted once over. “Oh, I think he's already had his morning sausage.”

Mel rolls his eyes. “You're going to have to trust him eventually, Ennis.”

“I really don't.”

Mel gives him a look before he steps forward and throws his arm around Troy’s shoulders. “Come on, let's eat.”

Troy can feel Ennis drilling holes into his back as they walk away and knows he's got to be more careful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know you think so far!
> 
> Fair warning, it'll be a while before the next chapter!


	5. Turning Point

"A few of us are going out tomorrow," Nick says as he joins Troy on the bed. 

Troy nods, then after a beat he suddenly sits up. "Wait, _you're_ going out?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"But you never leave the diamond."

"Well, I haven't since we got here, but after what happened with Ennis the other day I think its time I did everything I can to get the Vultures out of here."

Troy grins. "You’re really _that_ worried about me?" 

"I'm worried about everyone," Nick corrects.

His response only amuses Troy more, his grin getting annoyingly bigger. 

" _Fine,"_ Nick relents, rolling his eyes _. "Maybe_ I'm a little more worried about you...but only because I don't have a way to check on you. Like when Mom or Licia go out on a run I can always walkie them, but when you're out there...I just have to wait to see if you show up at my door."

Troy puts his hand over his, grin fading to a small smile. 

"That's why I have to go out there," Nick continues. "I'm tired of worrying you might not come back and I'm tired of seeing those assholes in the parking lot everyday."

"Madison have any more leads?" 

"A few. I don't know if any of them will pan out, but it's worth a shot."

Troy nods and Nick reaches for  _The Things They Carried,_ a book Troy brought with him. 

"Are you gonna be all right tomorrow?" Troy asks. 

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Troy shrugs. "You haven't been out there in a while."

Nick pauses, then he quietly admits,"I haven't been out there because I don't like the person I have to be, but I don't have a choice right now."

Troy squeezes his hand, rubbing his thumb gently across it. "Who's gonna be with you?"

"My mom."

Troy nods to himself. "She won't let anything happen to you."  
  
It sounds more like he's trying to reassure himself and Nick smiles. It feels satisfying to know Troy worries about him too.  
  
"Do you want me to leave so you can get some sleep?"   
  
Nick shakes his head and hands him the book. "Read to me."

Troy does and after a while he starts to drift into sleep. He uses it as an excuse to cuddle up to him, resting his head on Troy's chest. 

They haven't gotten the chance to talk about their last conversation, not having seen each other in three days in an effort to keep up appearances, but Nick figures it couldn't hurt to destroy another boundary. 

Troy wraps his arm around him and pulls him closer. "Goodnight, Nicky," he says before he starts reading again.

Nick falls asleep to the sound of his voice. 

 

* * *

 

Troy stops reading once Nick's fast asleep, putting the book on the nightstand. He watches Nick sleep for a moment, thinking he wears peace and violence equally well, then he slips out of bed.

He grabs Nick's walkie and sneaks out of the room before he turns it on, holding it up to his ear. It takes a few minutes, but eventually he hears, "This is Cole, I'm taking watch over from Madison at the main gate." 

He turns the walkie off and clips it to his belt before heading towards the main gate. He's more than halfway there when he runs into Madison.

She immediately looks around and pushes him into the family restroom nearby. "What the hell are you doing?" She hisses. 

"Nick told me he's going out tomorrow." 

"Yeah and?"

"I need to know where you’re going."

Madison gives him an incredulous look. "You really think I'd tell _you_ that?"

"Ennis already made plans to go out tomorrow. I just want to make sure you don't run into him or the others."

"We can handle them."

" _Please_ I just...I need to make sure Nick's safe out there."

Madison frowns. "Nick can protect himself, and if he can't _I_ will. Like I always have."

"You call almost killing me in front him and giving him nightmares protecting him?" Troy questions. 

Madison's eyes widen, her frown deepening. "Nightmares?"

"What? He didn't tell you that for months he dreamt of you killing me?"

Madison doesn't answer. 

"Tell me, how was that protecting Nick?"

"Fuck you." She spits. 

Troy huffs a laugh. "Look, I don't care what you think of me Madison, not anymore. I just want to spare Nick from having to be that person he hates, but I can't do that if you don't tell me where you’re going."

"So you can go tell your buddy Mel? I don't think so." She starts to leave.

Troy panics and grabs her arm. "I'm on _your_ side, remember?"

Madison jerks her arm away. "Just because you’re obsessed with my son doesn't mean you're on our side."

Frustration prickles his skin. "But it does mean I want to protect him."

"Then stay away from him."

She goes to the door and he plays his last card. 

"Charlie saw and heard most your ideas of where to get supplies when she was here. It's how they've been able to sweep the area so fast." It feels almost like a betrayal to finally say it, to spill a secret that's not his, but he needs Madison to trust him. 

Things seem to click into place for Madison then and she mutters to herself, " _That's_ why we've only managed to find scraps in places I was _sure_ would be a gold mine."

Troy nods. 

"Does _Nick_ know?"

"No I...I owed Charlie and I thought someone would piece it together eventually."

Madison shakes her head in disbelief. "You're keeping secrets from me, but I'm supposed to trust you?"

"You don't have to trust me, you just have to trust that I wouldn't hurt Nicky."

Madison looks unsure. 

"Look, if you tell me where you’re going, I can tell you where _not_ to go. I can make sure you don't waste anymore time."

She stares at him as she decides what to do.

Troy waits impatiently. He doesn't want Nick to wake up and find him gone. 

" _Fine_ ," Madison says eventually. "Come with me."

She leads him to her room and they go over a map, Troy marking all the areas they should avoid. She sends him away as soon as they're finished, but he barely makes it to the door before Madison asks, "Are you in love with Nick?"

"Yes."

"You love his life more than yours?"

His mind flashes back to the depot when the question was his. 

"Yeah. I do." Troy leaves before she can respond, not caring to hear her thoughts on the matter. 

Nick is still asleep when he gets to the room and he returns the walkie to the nightstand. He slips back into the bed, resting his back against the headboard to minimise the risk of falling asleep. Nick curls into his side almost immediately and he smiles before grabbing his book. 

_"...whatever we become."_

Troy's been holding onto those words for three days now, and while he wants to push for more, he doesn't want to scare Nick away. He just has to bide a little more time. 

After a while, Nick wakes briefly and adjusts his position so his head rests on Troy's chest again, forcing Troy's arm around him. He tells Troy to read aloud again, a sleepy smile spreading on his face when Troy obliges.

_I could get used to this._

 

* * *

   
Nick glares when Mel waves him and Madison over as they pull out of the stadium. Madison stops once she reaches him and rolls down her window.  
  
"Hey," Mel greets, leaning against the car. "Luck out there. Pretty slim pickings unless you know where to look."  
  
"We'll manage," Madison says politely.  
  
Mel's gaze shifts to Nick. "Good to see you back on the horse, Nick."  
  
Nick gives him a fake smile and a thumbs up.  
  
Mel pulls away from the car, patting his pockets as if he's looking for something. "Whoa, whoa, wait," he says before Madison can press the gas. Troy appears from seemingly out of nowhere and taps Mel's shoulder. Mel turns to him briefly then presumably sends him away with a pat on his shoulder.   
  
"Here." He's now holding a book Luciana had found recently called _The Little Prince._  
  
"You should give this back to your girlfriend," Mel says, "Figured you knew Charlie didn't really like children's books."  
  
He throws the book at Nick, hitting him in the face. It takes all his willpower but he manages not to react.  
  
Madison rolls up her window and presses on the gas.  
  
Nick glances back and sees Mel watching them.  
  
"We never stood a chance, did we?" Nick asks, turning to look briefly at his mother, then out his window. "She was never gonna stay with us, no matter what we did."  
  
"We'll get her back," Madison assures him.  
  
Nick shifts in his seat uncomfortably, starting to feel anxious about leaving the diamond. "How do you do it? How do you come out here?"  
  
Madison doesn't respond immediately, but after a moment she says, "Here's my trick - wherever I go I try to look for something good. You know, it could be an old billboard with a stupid pun to sell ravioli. Could be an armadillo, Could be some piece of evidence that people were actually helping each other. A sign. I dunno. Something good? Its out here. I _always_ see something."  
  
Its an unexpectedly sweet answer from Madison. He smiles and looks out the window for a long moment, wondering if they'll find a sign today.  
  
He remembers the book and grabs it. He doesn't know when Luciana took it to Charlie, but he doubts she'll be happy to be getting it back.  
  
He opens it, intending to read it until they get to the church, but when he he lifts the book up, something falls out onto his lap. It's a folded up piece of paper. He furrows his brow and starts unfolding it.

  
  
_Nicky,_

 _I wish I could go with you. Come back safe. For both our sakes._  
_  
_ _\- Love Your Best Friend, Troy_

  
  
Nick snorts and a smile spreads across his face.  
  
"What?" Madison questions, looking over to him. "What's that?"  
  
"It's a note from Troy."

"What’s it say?"

"Nothing important." 

Madison gives him a curious look, but he shoves the note in his pocket to deter her from discussing it anymore. 

"He came to find me last night." She tells him after a minute. 

Nick's gaze snaps over to her. " _What_?"

"He was worried about you coming out today and said he wanted to help."

"Help?" 

"He didn't want us running into them out there so he marked all the places on my map that Charlie knew about."

_Charlie?_

It makes sense then why they haven't been able to find much the past three weeks, but it doesn't make it any less upsetting to learn of a second betrayal from Charlie or to realise Troy probably knew and didn't tell him. 

_Why wouldn't he tell me?_

"So that's why we're going somewhere a lot farther than they are," Madison says, pulling him from his thoughts. 

"Wait, where are we going?" Nick questions. 

 

* * *

 

"Have you thought more about it?" Troy asks in a hushed tone.

Charlie takes a look around the parking lot before answering quietly, "I can't leave, them."

Troy nods. "I get it. They're your family."

"But I'll miss you. _Both_ of you when we leave."

Troy smiles. "We'll miss you too."

Charlie smiles back. 

"Charlie!"

They both turn their heads at the sound of Ennis' voice. 

"Come on!" He yells, waving her over to the El Camino.

"Be safe," Troy tells her as she stands up. 

"Read when I get back?"

"Sure."

She gives him a hug, and he's so stunned by it he almost drops his can of peaches. She's off before he can think to return it. 

Another smile spreads across his face and he hides it by shoving his spoon in his mouth. 

Mel walks over just as he finishes eating. "Come on. We've got work to do."

"What work?"

"You'll see."

They borrow a car from another member of the convoy and Mel drives him to an abandoned auto shop. 

"The El Camino need things for a tune-up?" Troy guesses. 

"Oh, we're not here for me."

Troy furrows his brow and Mel gets out of the car instead of clarifying. He follows him into the shop, on high alert for infected while Mel walks through unconcerned. 

Mel goes over a to a wall with several key rings. "You've been with us over eight months and in light of recent events, I've decided you deserve something special." He grabs a set of keys and tosses them to Troy as he turns. 

Troy barely catches them. He looks at Mel in disbelief. "You're serious?"

Mel nods. "Come check out your new ride." He walks through the door separating the office and the shop.

Troy hesitates to follow. In his experience a gift this nice didn't come without expectations. 

Jake had tried for a while to reward him when he went periods of time without losing control to encourage him to keep it up, but Jeremiah always ended up destroying whatever it was when he was drunk off his ass and Troy would mess up again. 

While this isn't exactly like that, he wouldn't put it past Mel to reward him for falling in line and then take it away the moment Troy did something he didn't like. 

"Troy, you coming?" Mel calls. 

Troy finds him standing next to a big black truck when he enters. "This is mine?"

"It still needs some work, but yeah."

Troy walks over to inspect the truck. "Know what’s wrong with it?" 

"According to the paperwork it needs a new alternator and a fresh set of brakes."

Troy looks through the back window, taking in the grey polyester seats, before he unlocks it and gets in the driver's seat. He runs his hands along the steering wheel. Despite it's problems, it seems to be a fairly new vehicle. 

"Like it?" Mel asks.

Troy looks at him with apprehension. "Depends."

"On?"

"Why are you really giving this to me?"

Mel looks mildly offended, but he still answers.  "Look, I know we haven't always gotten along, but you've been a valuable addition to our little band of misfits. I thought now that you're staying because you want to and not just cos you have nowhere else to go, you could use your own ride."

Troy still feels apprehensive, but he doesn't want to seem ungrateful so he says, "Thanks I...I appreciate this."

Mel pats his shoulder with a smile. "You’re welcome. But there _is_ a catch - "

Troy's stomach drops. 

"You can't tell Ennis about this. Not until after we've sorted this stadium business. He's still convinced you’re plotting against us."

Troy huffs as if it's ridiculous. "Bastard just hates me."

"I don't know what it is about you that sets him off so much."

Troy shrugs. "I've been told I rub people the wrong way."

Mel snorts. "That's an understatement."

"Fuck off. You’re not any better than me."

Mel chuckles. "S'pose not. Anyway, you want to get to work or not?"

"Let's do it."

 

* * *

  
   
Austin is crawling with infected.  
  
It's the main reason they've been avoiding coming here until now.  
  
"At least we know Mel hasn't come here," Madison says a she maneuvers through the streets carefully.  
  
Nick nods, and keeps eyes peeled for a place worth stopping. It takes about half an hour of driving around but eventually he spots a church with a huge banner that says _Hope Food Pantry is now closed to the public_. He points it out to Madison before she passes it completely.  
  
There's a lot of infected milling about so she's careful to park where there's only a few of them. They take them out as quick as they can and smear blood on themselves in the hopes to get by the others with ease.  
  
More than half the pantry is empty when they finally reach it, but they do find some canned vegetables worth taking and a map of other food pantries in one of the offices.  
  
They don't say a word until they're back in the truck.  
  
"We should look around for an agricultural store next and then we can hit up these other pantries," Madison says.  
  
Nick nods.  
  
Austin is a big city. They're bound to find most of what they need. Though getting through all of the infected will be a challenge.

 

* * *

   
  
Nick still isn't back by the normal time Troy usually goes to meet him and it worries him. He knows they would have to go far, but they've been gone all day and it doesn't sit well with him.  
  
He needs to know if Nick is okay - if he's still alive - and he wishes desperately that he had a walkie of his own. Once there's a shift change in progress, he gets off his chair and sneaks off towards the stadium, but halfway towards the door, he hears a noise. 

He stops and looks over his shoulder carefully. He doesn't see anything at first, but he knows better than to assume that means he's safe. He sees the tip of Ennis' boots sticking out from where he's pressing into the wall, almost fully hidden by the shadows.  

Troy pretends he didn't see anything and heads to the red car near the locker room doors. He goes to the trunk, sinking to his knees. He pulls out a bobby pin from his pocket and starts trying to pick the lock. 

He doesn't really have a plan on how to get Ennis to leave him alone, but he hopes if it looks like he has a purpose, he'll lose interest. It takes him a good five minutes to pop the trunk open and get back to his feet. 

He takes a look inside and finds a metal baseball bat, a jersey, a cap, and a pack of cigarettes. He picks up the bat and rounds the car, taking a swing at the driver side window, careful to look away to avoid glass getting his eye. 

_No alarm. Wonder if the battery's dead._

He unlocks the door and opens it, squeezing his arm through the gap between the driver's seat to unlock the door behind it. He feels a hand grab the back of his shirt and pull him out, the bat falling out of his hands. 

"What the hell are you up to?" Ennis demands.

Troy breaks away from the hold and rounds on Ennis. "Are you following me now?"

"Damn right I am! And I believe I asked you a question."

Troy huffs. "I didn't want to sleep in the tent. It kills my back."

"Mel told you you could sleep on the bus."

"Mel snores and you mumble in your sleep. I just wanted somewhere quiet."

"So you thought you’d break into this car?"

Troy shrugs. "I pass it all the time when I go for walks. Figured since no one uses it I would."

Ennis snorts. 

"What?" Troy asks in annoyance. 

"I don't believe for _one_ second you've been going on walks," Ennis says. "When you came back the other day you looked too clean. Not to mention your hand. I mean band aids over your knuckles? You're more the type to tear up a shirt, use it as a wrap and move on."

Troy scoffs to cover his nerves. "Come on, now it just feels like you're reaching."

"I'm not."

"You _are_ and I'm sure Mel would agree with me...I mean unless you have _proof_ I've been lying?"

Rage flares in Ennis' eyes and in an instant he's shoving Troy into the car. "I'm _going_ to find something and make good on my promise to kill that little fudge packer."

"You’re not going to find anything," Troy tells him. 

"I will. It's only a matter of time."

Troy glares at him and Ennis gives him a quick jab to the gut, causing him to hunch over as the air is knocked out of him. 

"Sweet dreams, asshole," Ennis says, taking a step back. 

Troy flips him off as he walks away. Once Ennis is out of sight, he grabs the bat and tosses it into the backseat before going to shut the trunk. For his own peace of mind he checks the side of the stadium in case Ennis decided to lurk, but he doesn't see him so he doubles back to the door. 

He sneaks into the stadium, heading straight to the main entrance, careful to stay away from the edge as he reaches the guard's post where a familiar face greets him.

"Can I help you?" Strand asks.   
  
"Saw a car head out this morning, but it doesn't look like it's come back yet."

"No, but it will," Strand replies confidently.  
  
"You sound pretty sure of that."  
  
Strand smiles at him. "I am. Just like I'm sure you're fishing for news about Nick."  
  
He doesn't bother denying it. "He should be back by now."  
  
Strand gives him a once over. "I must say I'm a little proud of Nick for choosing someone so... _attractive_ to spend his time with."  
  
"We're not together."  
  
"I didn't say you were," Strand says, and he seems amused for some reason. He grabs his walkie and speaks into it. "Nick, what was your ETA again?"  
  
The walkie crackles and then he hears Nick say, "Geez, I know it's late Victor, but it's only been five minutes. How tired are you? We'll be there in twenty."  
  
Troy feels like he can breathe again hearing Nick's voice.   
  
"I wasn't asking for me," Strand says, staring at Troy, "Your little friend snuck in and was demanding I tell him where you were."  
  
Troy feels his face heat at the blatant lie.   
  
"Tell him to wait for me by the gate."  
  
"Copy that," Strand says before setting the walkie in his lap.  "You can relax now."

Troy nods. 

"Heard a report that someone smashed a car window on the other side of the lot. Was that you?"

Troy nods again. "Ennis followed me and I had to get him off my back."

"Considering I watched him stomp back to the bus, I assume you were successful?"

"Barely."

Strand leans over in his chair, then tosses Troy a bottle of water. "You're welcome to sit here until they return."

"Thanks." 

It's peacefully quiet as Troy sips at his water, and Strands looks out over the parking lot. 

"You know, I've seen a change in Nick since you came back," Strand tells him suddenly. 

Troy tilts his head curiously. "A change?"

"He’s been happier. More like himself." 

"And you think that's because of me?" Troy questions. 

"I _know_ it is," Strand answers confidently. "And I'm glad to see it."

Troy can't help his small smile at the thought of Nick being happier because of _him_.  

"But I'm sensing he's not the only one who's been positively affected by your reunion."

Troy looks at him, unsure what to say. 

"Seven months is a long time to be away from somebody. Feelings can change, loyalties, but yours never did. You looked as if you’d gotten everything you’d ever dreamt of when you were reunited with Nick."

"A small part of me always hoped I'd find him again and I did."

"You love him." Not a question but a statement.

"I do," he confirms anyway. 

"Then don't make him lose you again. Physically or otherwise."

_Or otherwise?_

"No matter what happens, I'll never stop being what he needs me to be."

Strand studies him briefly, then laughs. "You really don't know how to hide your feelings."

Troy frowns. He knew how to hide them well enough, especially when it came to playing Mel. 

"I'm sure Nick loves that about you."

Troy doesn't respond and they settle back into the quiet until they see headlights. 

 

* * *

  
  
"Heard you've been building a room," Madison says casually as they wait for the main gate to open.  
  
"I am."  
  
"For Troy?" She guesses.    
  
"For Troy." He confirms, surprised this is the first time she's brought it up.  
  
He expects her to make some disapproving remark or maybe try and convince him that letting Troy move in is a big mistake, but she doesn't.  
  
Instead, Madison says, "He's got a lot to make up for, but today was a good start."  
  
Nick watches her, gauging how sincere she is. He let's himself smile once he's decided she means it and isn't manipulating him.  
  
The gate is finally open so Madison drives in  
  
"Did you find supplies?" Troy asks when they come to a stop next to him.   
  
"We did." Madison confirms.   
  
"Enough to get Mel to leave?" Troy questions.  
  
"More than enough," Nick answers. "But we'll need help getting everything."  
  
Troy looks at him curiously. "Where exactly did you go?"  
  
"Austin," Nick tells him.  
  
"Austin?" Troy repeats. "Even Mel wouldn't go there."  
  
"Which is why we did," Madison says. She rolls down her window as Luciana comes up to them, eyeing Troy warily.   
  
"Are you okay?" She asks."You were gone a long time."  
  
"We're fine," Madison assures her. "Could you spread the word that I need everyone to be at breakfast this morning? Even people on guard."  
  
Luciana nods. "Of course," she says before walking off.  
  
Madison turns to look between Nick and Troy as she says, "You two can take what we found today to the pantry. I'm just going to park the car and then I have to talk to Victor."  
  
Nick nods and gets out of the car, Troy following him to the trunk. Troy volunteers to carry the half full crate of canned goods and Nick lets him.   
  
"What took you guys so long?" Troy asks as they make their way to the pantry.  
  
"We drove around the city and mapped out all the places we want to hit."  
  
"When do you plan to go back?"  
  
"In a couple days, We have to collect gas and organize everyone so enough of us stay behind to protect the stadium.  
  
"Sounds like we need to come up with a way to deal with Ennis."  
  
They bounce around with ideas to handle Ennis - most of which consist of killing him in ways that can't be traced back to Troy - but they don’t land on anything solid by the time they reach the pantry.  
  
"You guys don’t have much," Troy comments as he sets the crate on an empty shelf.  
  
"Well, we've got a lot of people to feed, and the garden still needs a little more time," Nick tells him. "Losing the cabbages yesterday was a big hit."  
  
"But soon we'll have everything we need," Troy says, looking around the pantry.  
  
Nick watches him as he inspects a shelf full of canned chili, and then the empty shelf above it. He’s got this faraway look in his eyes, and Nick wonders if he's thinking of his future in the diamond.  
  
"Hey," Nick says, getting Troy's attention, "I have something to show you."

 

* * *

   
"You built this for me?" Troy asks, looking around the small room. There's not much to it, just a nightstand, a lantern, and a cot, but it's easily the best surprise he's ever gotten.  
  
"Yeah, I figured you’d like a place of your own once you come to live here," Nick says.  
  
Troy goes over and lays on the cot, letting out a groan. "Sleeping on the ground is really messing up my back," he says.  
  
Nick comes to stand next to the cot. "We can find you a real bed later, but for now this is the best we got."  
  
Troy sits up and Nick sits down next to him. "Thank you for all this, Nicky," he says gesturing around the room. "You didn't have to do this for me."  
  
"I know, but I wanted to," Nick says. "Besides, it was kind of nice working on something new."  
  
It's overwhelming how happy Troy feels, how much love and adoration washes over him knowing that Nick built this just for him. That this whole time he was carving out a place Troy could call his own.   
  
Impulsively, he kisses Nick, their lips crashing together, his heart pounding away in his chest as he realizes what he's doing, but he doesn't try to pull away or take it back. He may be a lot of things, but he isn't a coward. Even if he is out of his element.  
  
Nick pushes him away, staring at him in shock, and his heart sinks. He tries to find something to say, to fix what he's probably broken between them.   
  
But then Nick kisses him, the same hand he used to push him away clutching his shirt and pulling him close.   
  
A thrill shoots through Troy and he cups Nick's blood-stained face as he kisses him back. His chest swells with relief and affection and he smiles into the kiss.

Nick pulls away a moment later, a matching smile on his face as he stands up. "Come on."

Nick leads him to the locker rooms, locking the door behind them. 

"What are we doing in here?"

"I need to clean up." Nick says, smile still firmly in place. He takes off his shirt, tossing it the floor. "I think you should too." He adds as he unzips his pants, staring Troy dead in the eyes. 

Arousal shoots through Troy and he wastes no time taking off his shirt too. He crowds into Nick's space and kisses him again, feeling Nick's hand roaming over his chest and stomach before he pushes him away.

"You smell like sweat and...oil?"

"I'll explain later." 

Nick nods before he pulls down his jeans and underwear in one swift movement, looking at Troy expectantly. 

Troy does the same and then they're both just taking their fill, eyes roaming every square inch of each other until Nick grabs his hand to lead him over to the showers. 

Nick fiddles with the temperature until it's just right and starts washing the blood off his face and arms. He turns to Troy, taking a step to the side and gesturing for him to step underneath the spray. 

He steps through the water and into Nick's space. Nick grabs his face and forces his head down a bit, running his fingers through Troy's hair to make sure it gets properly soaked. 

It feels nice. Soothing to be touched this way. The blunt nails he feels grazing his scalp offering him a comfort - an intimacy - he never knew he needed. 

Nick's hand leaves his head for a moment and he hears the click of a shampoo bottle. Troy steps out of the spray, anticipating what came next. This time Nick uses both his hands to lather it in and this simple touch feels like heaven. Troy closes his eyes and lets out a soft sigh. 

Nick ushers him back after a moment and starts washing his hair, his fingers gently massaging his scalp until all the soap is gone. 

Troy stands up straight and pulls Nick through the water by his throat, kissing him hard before he moves to return the favor. He runs his fingers through Nick's hair, feeling the blood and whatever he uses to keep his hair slicked back as he does. 

Nick runs his own hand down Troy's chest, his stomach, skipping down to Troy's thigh where he starts rubbing in small, teasing circles. 

Troy does his best to ignore his growing arousal, wanting to give Nick the same simple comfort he gave him moments earlier before he takes care of it. Once Nick's hair is soaked through, he pulls him out of the spray and he grabs the shampoo. 

"Strand said you were demanding to know where I was." 

Instead of correcting him, Troy says, "You were gone all day. I was worried," as he lathers the shampoo into his hair, trying to be as thorough as possible. 

Nick smiles. "Now you know how I feel when you’re gone."

Troy meets his eyes briefly. "It's awful."

Nick grabs his wrist, stilling his left hand. He waits until Troy looks at him curiously, then he kisses his wrist, and up to his forearm before letting go. Troy doesn't know how to react to the soft display of affection. 

Troy starts lathering in the shampoo again, pleased by way Nick leans into the touch, his eyes closing. He looks content. Happy. 

_Beautiful._

He pushes Nick back under the water so he can wash out the soap, copying the gentle way he massaged his scalp. This too is soothing and Troy quickly decides he wants to do this more often. 

As soon as he's done, Nick grabs the body wash and starts rubbing it into Troy's chest, and down his stomach, his arousal flaring in reminder as he starts lathering up his thighs, his cock twitching in interest. 

Troy lets out a surprised gasp when Nick suddenly wraps his hand around his cock, stroking him lazily. 

"Missed you today," Nick says casually, building his pace. 

"Missed you too," Troy breathes. 

"I got your note." He squeezes lightly and Troy bites his lip. "It was... _sweet_."

Troy grabs onto Nick's shoulder to keep himself steady as Nick reaches a brutally fast pace. He can't think, can't speak, lost in the primal pleasure of this. 

"I can't wait until you can come with me," Nick adds. 

His eyes are half-lidded, but he still sees the smirk spread across Nick's face when he fails to react to his words. 

_Little shit._

Just as he thinks he's about to come, Nick lets go and the loss of contact is like crashing straight into a wall. He squeezes Nick's shoulder tightly, letting out a choked sob as he's denied the sweet shock his body _aches_ for. 

"Don't want our fun to end so early." Nick tells him. 

Troy whines, getting a chuckle and peck on the lips in turn. 

"Wash me." Nick instructs, handing him the body wash before retaking his cock, squeezing the base of it for good measure before stroking him at a much slower pace - not anywhere close to being enough to sending him over the edge. 

Troy's hands exploring Nick's body without restraint as he rubs the soap all over his front. Part of him is afraid that this might be his only chance to take what he wants, that when Nick wakes up in the morning he'll tell him that this was a mistake. The other part hopes this is the start of the rest of their lives. 

He brushes his hand against Nick's leaking cock, feeling a bit nervous. He wants to make Nick feel as good as he's making him feel, but he's inexperienced when it comes to pleasing another person. 

Nick stops stroking him to rub his thumb over the head of his cock, paying extra attention to the slit and Troy moans, dropping his head to rest his forehead against Nick's. 

"Touch me," Nick says after a minute. "Just do what you think I'll like."

Troy wraps his hand around Nick's cock, stroking him firm and fast, watching Nick's face go slack with pleasure, his eyes closing. It's captivating. Troy kisses him just as Nick starts stroking him again, matching his pace. 

This isn't the greedy, almost violent taking of pleasure Troy had been dreaming of, but somehow it's better. He can feel how much Nick cares about him through his soft touches, and searing kisses. 

Nick rubs his thumb over Troy's nipple experimentally, earning a sharp inhale that seems to encourage him to start playing with it. It doesn't feel quite as good as the hand jerking him off at an ever increasing pace, but he likes it all the same. 

Nick pulls away from the kiss briefly enough to say, "Twist your hand at the end of each stroke like this," before he demonstrates, and quickly smothers the loud moan Troy can't help. 

Troy copies the movement, a bit rougher than Nick was but he still elicits low moan from the other man.

After a few minutes, Nick takes a step back through the water, leading Troy by the hand he moves to his hip. 

"Shouldn't waste anymore water." Nick tells him as the soap on Troy's chest and thighs washes off. He urges Troy to turn around and lathers soap onto his back, massaging lightly as he goes lower, hesitating briefly on his lower back as he squeezes more soap into his hands. 

Troy jerks his hips forward as Nick unexpectedly squeezes his ass. 

Nick chuckles and starts rubbing the soap onto his ass and thighs, Troy squirming underneath the attention each time Nick squeezes him roughly. He wants nothing more than to go back to touching each other, aching for release. 

As soon as Nick's done Troy washes off quickly and returns the favor, except once he's lathered up his back, he pulls Nick flush against him, pressing his aching cock between his cheeks. 

Nick pushes back into him, reaching behind him to grab Troy's hand and place it over his cock, moaning shamelessly when Troy strokes him fast and rough. Troy walks them forward, Nick's head dropping between his shoulders so the soap washes off, still rocking his hips back into Troy.

"Troy..."

"Yeah, Nicky?"

Both of their voices are shot to hell. 

"Kiss my neck." 

Troy places a kiss to the back of Nick's neck, just under his hairline and leaves a trail of kisses that wrap around to his throat as Nick drops his head back into his chest, Troy backing them up so the water doesn't get in his face. Out of curiosity, he licks Nick experimentally and gets Nick's hand on his ass, forcing him closer in response. 

It's not long after that that Troy feels his balls tightens, arousal peaking and he comes on Nick's lower back with a harsh cry into his ear, sending a shiver down Nick's spine. His legs threaten to give out on him as he loses himself in post-orgasm bliss, but he refuses to let them. 

Nick lets go of his ass and puts his hand over the one Troy has on his cock, guiding him towards his own release, still rocking back into him. He comes with a low moan into Troy's hand, becoming dead weight against his chest. Troy rests his chin on top of Nick's head and they try to catch their breath. 

After they've come back to their senses, they wash off the come then Nick turns off the water and signals for Troy to follow him. They wrap towels around their waists and gather their clothes before heading to Nick's room.

They change into their pajamas and take up their usual positions on the bed. It's quiet, neither of them seeming to know what to say. 

"You..." Troy swallows, looking anywhere but at Nick as he asks, "You don't regret what happened do you?"

Nick entwines their hand. "No."

"And tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow...tomorrow I'll hate having to wait two days to see you again. To _touch_ you again."

Troy looks to him then, pure relief washing over him. He didn't think he could take it if this was a one-off. 

Nick cups his cheek. "I didn't expect this to happen yet, but I won't take it back and I don't regret it."

Flashes of his mother's hatred, his father's neglect, his brother's disdain, Mike's abandonment, and finally, Ennis' words flood his mind as he dares to think Nick loves him too. 

"Even though I'm a monster?"

Nick rubs his thumb over his cheek. "I know what you are and it scares me sometimes what I'll let you get away with...but I want you. I _need_ you."

" _Why_?" He sounds broken to his own ears and he hates himself for sounding so goddamn pathetic. 

Nick shrugs. "Because we're the same. Because you’re the only person that understands me anymore and when I thought you were dead I wanted you back more than anything. Even when I had built my life here, you were the only thing I could never stop missing, the only thing I couldn't quite shake."

Troy smiles, wanting to cry because he doesn't think he's ever been this happy. "I couldn't shake you either."

Nick smiles back, his eyes flicking to Troy's lips before he kisses him gently. 

Troy pulls away after a moment, squeezing Nick's hand. He wants to ask, "What are we now?" but doesn't want to press his luck. Just having Nick like this is enough. 

Nick drops his hand from Troy's face. "I'm tired."

"Want me to read until you fall asleep?"

"Not yet."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"Talk."

Troy looks at him curiously. "About?"

"Madison told me what you did last night," Nick says and before Troy can respond asks, "Why didn't you tell me about Charlie?"

Troy sighs, looking down at their hands. "I only found out a week ago when I overheard Ennis going over a map with Mel. He said 'We've almost used up all of Charlie's leads' and that's when I figured it out."

"You've known a _week_ and you didn't tell me?"

"I owed her for covering for me. For us."

"We could've gone to Austin already if you’d just told me. You could be living here now."

"I know but...I wanted a little more time...just in case."

"Just in case of what?" Nick asks. 

"You know." Troy says, looking up at him. 

But Nick looks at him as if he doesn't. 

"Come on, Nick. You know just as well as I do why we haven't settled on how to kill Ennis. We both know there's no clean way to do it. His death will either convince Mel to take the stadium or die trying. And if we don’t kill Ennis I doubt he'll just let this place go. There's going to be a fight no matter what we do. I just thought we could spend some more time together in case one of us ends up dead."

Nick stares down at their hands for a long moment. 

"Are you mad?" Troy asks. 

"A little but...I get it." Nick says, meeting his gaze again. 

"Sorry for keeping it from you."

"You're not holding onto anything else are you?"

Troy shakes his head. 

"Good." Nick rests his head on Troy's shoulder. "Cos I'm too exhausted to fight."

"Sleep, Nicky. We can talk more later."

"I'll sleep after you leave...What'd you do today?" 

Troy tells him everything, slightly distracted by the way Nick plays with his fingers the entire time. 

"So Charlie isn't budging." Nick says with a disappointed sigh. 

"They saved her. Taught her how to survive. She can't just leave them."

"Yeah..." He sounds so defeated. Nick clears his throat. "Uh, so Mel gave you a truck? He really isn't suspicious?"

"Guess not. I mean, he still asks me about things that Ennis brings up, but he seems to believe me and Charlie. He mostly thinks Ennis is just trying to incite him to attack the diamond."

Nick goes quiet and Troy wraps his arm around him to pull him close. 

Nick nuzzles into him. "You and Mel have become fast friends."

"He’s not my friend." 

"Maybe not but he thinks you’re his...and maybe he even thinks you could be more."

Troy looks down at him then, but Nick won't look at him. He laughs. "Are you _jealous_ , Nicky?"

"No!...But I mean sticking up for you to Ennis? Giving you a truck after a few weeks of being friends? That's weird. Maybe he has a crush on you. 

Troy snorts. "I've heard him bang half the women in the convoy. Trust me, he isn't interested in me like that."

"You've heard - "

"Close quarters are a bitch."

Nick shakes his head with a laugh. 

"Doesn't matter anyway if he did cos I'm _yours_." Troy adds, stomach doing a flip as he gets as close to _I love you_ as he dares, but he needs Nick to know it. 

"Mine?" Nick questions, and when Troy nods repeats " _Mine_ ," before he kisses Troy's cheek. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out I can write fluff and smut p fast, so you'll get another chapter Friday or sooner, but after that there might be a considerable wait as I iron out some angst! 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of this!


	6. The Vultures

Nick stares at the drawings on his wall, thinking only of the other night. After Troy kissed him, it had been so easy to fall into his desires, to embrace his feelings unapologetically like he's been wanting. He’s wasted so much time being scared of the love he has for Troy, how other people might react, but no more. 

He wants Troy for everything he is and everything he might be and vice versa. Time was a precious resource and Nick wasn't going to waste any more of it. Not when it came to Troy and not when it came to protecting his home. 

His walkie crackling draws his attention. "Nick," Licia says. 

"Yeah?" He answers. 

"Where are are you?"

"I came to get my knife," he tells her as he gets to his feet. 

"Well hurry up we need to leave."

"Coming."

Nick grabs his knife from his nightstand and heads down to the gate. Two cars are running and waiting when he gets there. Alicia sticks her arm out of the window and waves him over to the second car. 

"Took you long enough," she comments when he gets in. 

Troy seems to be showing Charlie how to sharpen a knife when they drive by. He looks up at Nick then around for prying eyes before he shoots him a wink. 

Nick smiles and looks away. 

"Did something happen between you two?" Alicia questions. 

"No."

Unlike everyone else, Licia doesn't press, but she does say, " _Liar._ "

They hit all the nearest gas stations, taking what they can from the pumps before siphoning from the cars, able to collect more gas cans to fill from a couple. After the fifth gas station Barry and Carson, who are in the other car, split off to go to the hardware store. 

They pass a field of bluebonnets on their way to another nearby town and it takes Nick back to a few days before when he was out with Madison. 

_She'd stopped the car on their way to Austin, making Nick look up from the book he’d been reading on and off to pass the time._

_"What are you doing?"_

_Madison gestured for him to look out his window and he did._

_A field of bluebonnets swaying in the light breeze catching his attention._

_"Something good," She'd said before getting out._

_Nick followed after and laid down in the field. He let out a content sigh and just enjoyed the peace of the moment. Madison hovering a few feet away, just admiring the flowers._

"Stop," Nick says, an idea taking root in his mind. 

"Why?"

"I need something good."

"What?" Alicia asks with a frown, but she still pulls over to the side of the road and Nick gets out. 

 

* * *

 

Troy finds a note addressed to him on Nick's door when he shows up telling him to meet him in the booth. He sneaks his way through the hallways and up the bleachers. 

The door to the booth is locked when he gets there so he knocks, noticing then that the windows are all covered with blankets. 

Nick opens the door twenty seconds later and the first thing Troy notices is that his hair is slicked back. It's rarely slicked back at night because Nick's usually already taken a shower before he arrives.

The second thing he notices is the oversized black sweater and the tight new-looking jeans. 

"What's going on? Why aren't you wearing your pajamas?" 

Nick grabs his hands and pulls him inside the booth. He sees food on the table, three candles - the only light source - and a mason jar full of bluebonnets smack dab in the middle.

Troy looks to Nick, scared to be wrong as he asks,  "Is...is this a date?"

Nick nods. "I was gonna wait until after we sent the Vultures packing, but then I thought _fuck it._ "

Troy kisses him and he feels Nick smile before he pulls away.

"I know you've never done this before, but kissing usually comes at the _end of_ the date." Nick teases. 

"I don't care," Troy says, kissing him again. 

Nick laughs, but kisses him back this time, using the hold on his hands to lead him backwards. He pushes Troy onto a chair and climbs into his lap, grabbing his throat to ensure the kiss never breaks.

Troy wraps his arms around Nick, pulls him flush against him. 

Nick licks at the seam of his lips, and he part them to allow his tongue to slip in. He lazily explores Troy's mouth until he decides he wants more and teases Troy by sliding his tongue against his playfully. Nick deepens the kiss, his hand slipping into Troy's shirt to run over his chest, play with his nipples. 

Troy settles one hand on Nick's hip, the other he rubs up and down his thigh, but there's no urgency to their movements. Arousal prickles his skin, simmers in his belly. 

After a while, Troy's stomach growls loudly and Nick pulls away. "Let's eat."

Troy grabs his hips to stop him from getting off the chair. "I'm not that hungry."

Nick smiles. "I am. You’re not gonna make me starve are you?"

Troy sighs and lets go, earning a peck on the lips for his trouble. 

Dinner turns out to be beef stew, crackers and sweet tea.

It takes Troy a few minutes to calm down enough to enjoy his food and ask, "So what do people normally talk about on dates?" 

Nick shrugs. "Themselves. Where they went to school, what they do for a living. Anything that makes them seem interesting or exciting."

"But I already know _just_ how interesting you are."

Nick seems amused by that. "Doesn't mean you know everything."

"So tell me." Troy says as he shoves a spoonful of stew in his mouth. 

"Everything?"

Troy nods. 

He listens attentively as Nick alternates between telling stories from his childhood and eating. How him and Licia once nursed an injured bird back to health. How he had to swoop in to save his sister at a talent show, but he couldn't remember the words either and he still got a standing ovation. How they used to drive their parents crazy by being little adventurers.

It's interesting to him how Nick describes Madison, his father, and Alicia in his stories, how clear his varying degrees of love for them are.

Alicia clearly beats out his parents, even when Nick describes her as the golden child, the resentment is overshadowed by affection. His love for her shines through when he talks about memories they share only with each other. When he tells him how proud of where her life had been heading before all this because she's always been a bright kid. How he sometimes wishes he could bring the old world back just for her. 

For his father there's still love there, admiration, but also a clear relief that he was gone. He isn't mentioned as much more than a footnote to his stories. 

As for Madison, there seems to be a thin line between loving her and hating her, needing her and needing only what she can offer. He gets it. Especially when Nick describes some of the nasty fights they had, the amount of times she hit him even before he was using. When he describes the alcoholism and how she's always tried to control him. How her love sometimes feels like a cruelty. 

Nick gets a far away look in his eyes and stops talking after he admits that. 

Troy let's go of his spoon and slips his hand into Nick's.

Nick blinks and looks over to him. "Shit. I didn't mean to get so heavy on our first date."

"I think we're way past heavy." 

Nick rubs his thumb against the back of his hand and sets his empty bowl on the table. "Your turn."

"I want to hear more about you and Alicia driving your parents crazy. Or about your family vacations. Or your addiction. Anything."

"Next time." Nick says, taking Troy's nearly empty bowl and setting it in his. 

Troy starts with how he became accustomed to waking up early to tend to the animals as well as the rest of the ranch by the time he was seven. Tells him about the good times he had when Jake taught him something opposed to the bad ones when Jeremiah did. How the first time Jake showed him how to milk a cow he squirted himself in the eye and couldn't stop crying. How the first time he dug a hole for a fence post it was too big and Jeremiah wouldn't let him leave until he got it right. And then how when he did he got the spacing for the next one wrong and Jeremiah beat him. 

For his own sanity, he steers clear of his mother entirely and tries to talk mostly of Jake and even Mike. It feels... _odd_  to be talking about himself so much. No one's ever cared enough to let him talk so openly. 

With Jake and Mike, these things had just become common knowledge he'd never really had to say himself because they witnessed them. But Nick is different. He laughs, or squeezes his hand or asks questions, hanging onto his every word. 

It's a little unsettling. 

"You know we had this rooster once, a mean old fucker, and one day Jeremiah decided it was time to kill him. He sent me to do it, but uh...it ended up chasing me across the ranch like a bat out of hell."

Nick snickers. "You were attacked by a chicken?"

"Yeah! It was pecking the hell out of me and I dropped my machete so I didn't know what to do."

"How did you get away?"

"Jeremiah shot the shit out of it when I led it past the house. He was drunk and started yelling at me for making him waste a perfectly good bird."

Nick snorts. "Bastard."

Troy goes quiet at that, staring at Nick. They haven't talked much about what Nick did to his father. 

Nick tilts his head curiously. "What?"

"Nothing I'm just...I'm glad he's gone." He hopes Nick hears the unspoken  _thank you._

Nick's expression is unreadable, but he squeezes his hand. 

Troy nods to the bluebonnets. "Did you pick those just for me?" 

"I picked them because I needed something good when I was out today."

"Something good?"

Nick tells him about a conversation he had with Madison and he supposes he gets it.

"Am I something good too?"

Nick doesn't answer, but he gets up and sits in Troy's lap the way he did earlier, pulling him into a kiss. This time however, Troy wants control of what happens. 

He places his hands on the back of Nick's thighs and stands, forcing him to wrap his legs around Troy's waist and his arms to slide around his neck.

"What are you doing?" Nick asks. 

"I'm tired of you teasin' me. It's my turn now."

Nick grins. 

Troy walks forward and sets Nick down on the table away from the everything,  laying him out on his back before pulling out of his hold to tower over him. His nerves keep him still, keep him staring down at Nick's pliant form. 

"You going to do something or just stare at me all night?" Nick challenges after about thirty second of him just standing there. 

That spurs Troy into pulling Nick flush against him, forcing his thighs wider. He hopes his enthusiasm will make up for his lack of experience. He leans over, pushing Nick's sweater up so he can kiss at his stomach, his hand stroking over his half-hard cock through his jeans. 

Nick presses into his hand, breath hitching. 

Troy kisses up to the edge of the sweater and Nick's quick to force it higher, allowing him to leave a hot trail off kisses up his chest, to his right nipple. He takes a shot in the dark and licks at it experimentally.

Nick sighs, pressing into his mouth. "Keep doing that."

Troy intends to but only after he undoes Nick's jeans and slips his hand inside, cock hardening when he realizes Nick's gone commando. "No underwear? That's kind of presumptuous of you, Nicky."

"You’re a twenty something year old virgin, I thought it was a safe bet," Nick says with a shrug. 

Troy strokes him, rough and fast, Nick squirming underneath him. "Twenty _three_ year old virgin," he corrects before moving back to his nipple, licking, kissing, biting it at random, trying to suss out what Nick likes. He loves the way Nick writhes under the attention, breathing slowly becoming harsher and harsher. 

Suddenly, Nick buries his hand in Troy's curls and grips hard, forcing his head back. "Spit into your hand or something man, I can't take it anymore."

Troy chuckles. "Don't like it rough?"

"There's a difference between rough and rubbing me raw." Nick says, grip loosening. 

Troy still his hand and kisses down his chest, his stomach, stopping at his waist. He pushes the flaps of his jeans out of the way and licks a stripe up Nick's cock.

Nick lifts his hips up and Troy takes the opportunity to pull his jeans down to his knees. He drinks in the sight of Nick, naked and leaking, spread out before him, face flushed, pupils dilated. 

"Why do you keep staring at me?" Nick asks.

Troy meets his gaze, running his hand over Nick's thigh as he says, "Cos you're beautiful, Nicky."

Nick looks away and if Troy didn't know better he'd say he was blushing. "You're not so bad yourself."

Troy chuckles, moving his hand up Nick's thigh until he wraps it around his cock, guiding him towards his mouth. He licks at the head experimentally, then slips his mouth around the head, feeling encouraged by the soft noises Nick makes.

He doesn't sink down any further, swirling his tongue around the tip, catching precome on his tongue. 

Nick's buries his hand in Troy's hair again, pulling slightly as he pays attention to the slit, but Troy doesn't mind.

Nick shifts under the attention. "More," he breathes. 

Troy sinks down, down, nearly gagging when he takes too much. 

"Careful! If you vomit on my dick I'm never letting you fuck me." Nick says, lifting his head to stare down at him

Troy sucks hard and Nick's eyes roll back in his head as he drops it back onto the table. He'd smile if there wasn't a cock in his mouth. He pulls almost all the way off before sinking back down, slowly building his pace just to drive Nick crazy, feeling his grip tighten in his hair. 

It's intoxicating to watch Nick come undone, to see him writhe in pleasure, struggling to keep himself from jerking his hips up and forcing his cock down Troy's throat.

He moves his hand down to Nick's balls, massaging them. 

Nick moans, the sound shooting straight to his cock, his jeans unbearably tight now, but more than his own pleasure he wants to make Nick feel good.  So he ignores it in favor of sucking, licking and kissing at Nick's cock until his head's forcibly jerked back and Nick's coming in his own hand with a loud moan. 

Troy palms himself through his jeans, desperate for friction as he watches Nick come down from his orgasm, watches as he pants and wipes his cum on his thigh. He sits up suddenly, pulling Troy forward by his belt loops, wasting no time undoing his jeans and pulling them down along with his underwear. 

He pushes Troy back until he lands in his usual chair and drops to his knees, forcing his thighs apart so he can slip in between them, putting his mouth on Troy, sinking as far as he can go. Troy jerks his hips up involuntarily, the tight, wet heat too much and Nick has to pull off.

"Don't move," Nick says before he sinks back down, quickly settling into a brutal pace that leaves Troy gasping and clutching at the arms of the chair. He feels Nick wrap one hand around the part of his cock he can't fit into his mouth, then he feels the fingers of the others pressing hard into his perineum - massaging him, his cock stiffening at the contact. 

Barely a few minutes pass before he's coming in Nick's mouth - despite the clear warning he gave to pull off - with a harsh cry. He goes limp in the chair and relishes in his post-orgasmic bliss for about two second before Nick taps his thigh, drawing his attention, staring at him head on as he swallows his cum, an image that sears itself into his brain. 

Troy lunges at him, tackling him to the ground, pinning his wrists above his head with one hand. They just stare at each other, panting harshly until Troy brushes his thumb gently against Nick's lips. "You're gonna drive me crazy doing stuff like that, Nicky," he says, voice rough. 

"Like you aren't already?" Nick taunts. 

Troy pulls at Nick's bottom lip with his thumb, zeroing in on the movement. He hopes to feel Nick's mouth on him again before the night is through. 

Nick kisses his thumb, and his gaze flicks up to meet his again. 

"My bed's more comfortable," Nick says. 

Troy's quick to get off of him, rushing to put on his clothes while Nick blows out the candles. 

The rest of the night is a haze of lust and touching, kissing, sucking, biting and experimenting.

 

* * *

   
  
Nick watches the scenery pass in a blur while Luciana tries to keep up with, Licia, Barry and Cole who are in the car ahead of them. It's been a quiet drive so far, because Nick doesn't know what to say to her.

She's been avoiding him since the incident Madison orchestrated and is far from ready to talk. It was obvious by how she had protested as soon as Madison had assigned them together. Of course Madison had _insisted_ that since she was needed elsewhere she needed the people she trusted most working together.  
  
Apparently Naomi had another idea of where to get supplies and both Madison and Strand were going with her, leaving Barry, Cole and Licia in charge of getting munitions while Carson, Amy, and Henry where supposed to get food. Which left Luciana and Jamie to help Nick get the things he needed for the garden. Nick knows that it wouldn't have been a big deal to just switch Luci with someone, so he wasn't sure why Madison was so insistent they went together unless it was some last ditch ever to get them back together.   
  
"So, uh, who's running the distraction?" Jamie asks, breaking the silence.  
  
"Me," Luciana answers before Nick can even consider the question.  
  
"Okay, so what do we need?" Jamie asks, his head popping up next to Nick's.  
  
Nick adjusts himself so they're not so close. "Fertilizer, seeds, pesticides, tools," he lists. "Just try to grab as much as you can fit in your backpack before we have to move the big stuff. Luci can buy us maybe ten to fifteen minutes so we'll have to be quick."  
  
Jamie nods. "Got it," he says before sitting back in his seat.  
  
They settle back into the quiet for a few minutes until Jamie asks, "Can we at least listen to something?"  
  
"Amy took the CDs," Nick tells him, staring out the window again.  
  
"Damn," Jamie says. He’s quiet all of thirty seconds before he speaks again. "Can we talk then?"  
  
Nick rolls his eyes. He doesn't know why his mom stuck them with the sixteen year old. Neither him or Luciana responds.  
  
"Guys?"  
  
Nick sighs, and turns in his seat so he can face Jamie. "Let's talk," he says.  
  
Jamie perks up. "Great! We can play twenty one questions. It's a really great way to get to know someone."  
  
Nick refrains from rolling his eyes. "You go first."  
  
Jamie fires off question after question, seeming to be fine with Nick's short replies. The questions are pretty standard,  
  
"What's your favorite color?"  
  
"Don't have one."  
  
"Favorite book?"

"Whatever I'm reading."  
  
But then they start to get a little complicated.  
  
"Have you ever done drugs?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What's your drug of choice?  
  
"Heroin."  
  
"If you could live your life again knowing what you do now, what would you change?"  
  
Nick snorts. "Pass."  
  
"Have you ever been in love?"  
  
Nick shifts uncomfortably, trying not to look at Luciana. "A few times."  
  
"Are you in love now?" Jamie asks.  
  
Nick see Luci glance at him in his peripheral vision. "Pass."  
  
Jamie looks at him curiously, but doesn't press. "Your turn."  
  
"Are you ever going to tell Amy that you like her?" Nick asks, just to fluster him.  
  
Jamie turns into a red, stuttering mess. "Wha - I don’t li - that's gross - she's my friend. Why would you even - "  
  
Luciana chuckles, and Nick just smirks.  
  
Jamie huffs. " _Maybe_. I don't know. Next question."  
  
Nick goes easy on him after that, repeating some of the same questions he’d asked, and then Jamie annoys Luciana into playing too, but they reach their destination before they finish.  
  
They're parked a block away from the feed and supply since there's quite a few infected clogging the street.   
  
Luciana gets the bike from the trunk, as well as the radio while Nick and Jamie prepare to book it to the store.  
  
"Remember, the second they round the corner we're off," Nick says as he grabs his knife.  
  
Jamie nods.  
  
Luciana walks over with the bike. "Ready?" She asks.  
  
"Ready," Nick replies.  
  
Luciana gets on the bike, turns on the radio, and pedals off quickly down the street. She makes sure to stop briefly to ensure the infected will follow, before taking off again.

They wait until the street is clear before making a break for the feed and supply. A few of the windows have been busted open and they climb through them carefully. 

Nick turns to Jamie. "You get as many vegetable seeds and tools you can carry. I'll start bringing everything else to the front."

Jamie nods. 

Nick finds the fertilizer first, several twenty-five pound bags stacked onto each other. He regrets letting Jamie get the light stuff after he's carried three of them to the front, but when he returns with a fourth he finds the teen loading the others into a big red wagon. 

"Fill up your bag already?" Nick questions. 

"No, just thought you could use this."

"Thanks."

Jamie nods. He finishes loading up the bags and walks off after taking Nick's backpack. 

Nick pulls the wagon with him and it's much easier after that to get the fertilizer and then the pesticides, knowing they can worry about getting animal feed later. 

Roughly fifteen minutes later they return to the SUV and start loading everything in after radioing Luciana to come back. They get everything stored without a hitch, but not long after Nick shuts the trunk they hear shouting.   
  
"Help! Somebody help me!"  
  
Nick takes off without a second thought. 

 

* * *

 

Troy's caught up reminiscing about the night before when he catches a rag to his face. He frowns at Mel as he peels it off. 

"What's got you so distracted?" Mel questions. 

"Nothing."

"Must be something. I called your name six times before I threw that at you."

Troy quickly searches his mind for an easy lie, landing on a half-truth. "I used to work on cars like this with my brother before he left for school."

"Ah, so all of this is just reminding you of him?" 

Troy nods.

"I'm sorry for your loss. Can't imagine how much it must've hurt to lose your brother."

Troy looks down at his hands, fiddling with the dirty rag as the old wound reopens. "It was my fault you know. If I hadn't led that horde my brother wouldn't have tried to kill me and Nick wouldn't have saved me. Jake wouldn't have gotten bit."

"Wait, what do mean Nick saved you?"

"My brother had a gun to my head, because I'd finally gone too far, but Nick came up behind and hit him with my rocket launcher. We were on a hill and Jake went tumbling down towards the horde. He got bit before we could reach him and we tried to amputate, but...all we did is speed up the process."

"You don't blame Nick?"

Troy shakes his head. "Nick saved me. A few times."

Mel gets this curious look in his eyes so he adds, "Guess he just got tired of it."

"You're a weird dude," Mel says after a moment. 

Troy frowns and waits for him to elaborate. 

"You fell hard for the man that killed your father - " Troy guesses Charlie told him that - "indirectly killed your brother, and took your home. Not to mention that his mother almost killed you."

Troy decides to fish around for how much Charlie really told him about his relationship with Nick. "He also threatened to kill me a few times."

Mel frowns. "He _what?_ "

"We didn't always get along. I tried to kill him too so it's not really a big deal."

"What the fuck, Troy?"

Troy shrugs. "Never claimed to know what was good for me."

Mel huffs in disbelief. "You're all kinds of fucked up man."

Troy stands up to stretch, choosing not to respond. He doesn't care what Mel thinks of him, not really. 

"You don't still have feelings for him, do you?" Mel asks.

Troy considers how to answer carefully. He can't say yes because that'll feed into what Ennis has been saying, but he can't say no because it hasn't been that long since their very public and emotional reunion. 

"I'm... _getting_ over him."

Mel nods. "That's great."

The conversation turns back to the task at hand, and Troy stays focused this time. 

 

* * *

  
  
Luciana is nowhere in sight when he rounds the corner, but there _are_ a handful of infected grouped together in the middle of the street and his stomach drops. He books it towards them, hearing Luciana shout for him again. He stabs the first infected he comes up on in the back of the head and shoves it out of the way.  
  
He sees Luciana underneath the bike, an infected keeping her pinned there, but not quite able to reach her.   
  
Nick dodges the infected next to him and takes it out. He turns to get rid of the rest, but Jamie's there, already on it, so he goes after the one on Luci. He knifes it and pulls it away, allowing Luciana to shove the bike off.  
  
He offers his hand out to her and helps her to her feet. "Are you okay?" He asks, breathless.  
  
Luciana nods, looking a little rattled. "Yeah. Thanks."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"The radio fell and got caught in the tire."  
  
Nick looks at the road and sees the radio smashed to pieces.  
  
"Come on," Nick says, pulling her with him as he starts walking to the car.  
  
"Ow!" Luciana exclaims, falling into Nick's arms.  
  
"What's wrong?" Nick asks.  
  
"It's my ankle. I think I twisted it," Luciana answers.  
  
"Put your arm around me," Nick instructs. "Jamie, a little help please!"  
  
Luciana puts an arm around Nick, and then Jamie when he comes up next to her. There aren't any more infected still around thanks to Luciana's distraction, so it's easy enough to get back to the car.  
  
They help Luciana into the the back seat, and then they're off, Nick insisting to drive because even though he hates it, he's not about to let the sixteen year old do it.  
  
Jamie decides to continue asking Luciana questions, but she seems less annoyed this time, probably grateful for the distraction from the pain.  
  
Nick presses on the gas just a little more each time Luciana gasps in pain until he feels as if he barely has control of the car and is forced to slow down a little.  
  
"Nick, I'm fine, but I won't be if you crash," Luciana tells him.  
  
Nick slows down a little more.  
  
"Naomi won't even be at the diamond when we get back," Luciana reminds him and he finally stops speeding altogether.  
  
_It's just a twisted ankle. She's fine. She's fine._  
  
Nick takes a steadying breath. He hadn't realized he was panicking until Luciana had spoken to him.  
  
"Jaime, radio the others and ask if they're done yet," Nick orders.  
  
Jamie grabs his walkie and starts calling for the others, while Nick pulls over to the side of the road.

 

* * *

  
  
Troy is reading with Charlie when Madison's people return with their cars full of supplies. He looks over to Mel and Ennis who had been talking over by the grill. They both just stare at the cars for a moment and then Ennis turns to Mel, says something, and stalks off.  
  
Troy exchanges a look with Charlie who smiles. He hides his smirk behind his book and starts reading again. 

It's not long before Mel walks over. 

 

* * *

 

Nick knocks on the door to the infirmary, drawing both Licia and Luci's attention. 

Licia gets off her chair. "I'm all done," she says. 

"Is it broken?" Nick questions. 

"Just swollen." Luciana answers from her cot. 

"Uh, I'm gonna go help unload the cars," Licia announces before making a swift exit. 

Nick takes her chair. 

"Are you okay?" Luciana asks. 

"Am _I_ okay? You’re the one that got hurt."

"Yeah, but you panicked pretty hard earlier."

Nick shrugs. "Just because we're not together doesn't mean I don't still care about you."

Luciana smiles. 

"I've missed you." He blurts because he _needs_ to talk to her. 

"I've missed you too." She says, but her smile fades. 

"I _am_ sorry you know." Nick tells her earnestly.  "For leading you on. For...for everything."

"I know."

"It was really shitty of me and I hate that I hurt you."

Luciana looks down at her lap. "You should've told me sooner. I know we never really said it, but I _did_ love you. I thought this place could be a fresh start for us and I guess I just assumed that's what you wanted too."

"That's what I was hoping for, and I thought I could fall in love with you, but I just..."

Luciana nods, a resigned sadness in her eyes. "You can't force yourself to love someone."

They fall into silence until Nick decides to break it. 

"I know it's probably too soon, but...do you think we can be friends? Not now, but...someday?"

Luciana looks hesitant to answer and Nick can guess why. 

"Look, I want us to be okay again, I really do, but I'm not letting go of Troy. I  _need_  him, Luci."

She frowns and looks up at him. " _Why_?"  
  
"Because we're the same."    
  
She shakes her head vigorously. "You're nothing like him."  
  
"The fact that you can't see that I am  _proves_ you don't really know me," Nick tells her. "Cos even, Licia could see it back at the ranch."  
  
Luciana's frown deepens. 

"You called him a ticking time bomb, but you never seemed to realize that I'm one too. All I know how to do is self-destruct and not care who I take with me. I've been like that since I was fourteen and I've gotten better at hiding it, but I'm still a junkie who can't fight his cravings underneath it all."

"You’re addicted to drugs. He’s addicted to _killing._ It's _not_ the same thing."

"I didn't say it was, but the truth is...the only real difference between me and Troy is that he can't hide what he is."

"Nick you're a good person and he's a _monster_."

He sighs. "Things aren't so black and white anymore and you know it. People can't _just_ be good anymore they have to be bad too. I mean I've killed. I've done awful things. So have you, so has mom, Strand, Alicia, everyone in the diamond."

"So what? You think that means I should just forget all the horrible things Troy's done?"

"No I...I just want you to understand why I need him. Why I can't let him go despite all he's done."  
  
Luciana is slow to respond, staring at Nick like she doesn't recognize him. "He  _shot_  me, Nick," she says quietly. "He shot our people. He kidnapped us and he was going to kill us at the depot and act like it was some kind of _mercy_. He destroyed his own home so no one else could have it and he wasn't sorry about it.  He told Madison, he told _you_ , that he would do it all again. So _no_ , I _really_ don't understand how you need him or why you can't let him go."  
  
Before Nick can think of a response she says, "But what I  _really_  don't understand is how you can _love_ him."  
  
"I don't," Nick protests, but they both know he's lying. 

Luciana scoffs. "You do, but you’re afraid to admit you love a monster."  
  
Nick doesn't know what to say, his heart sinking.   
  
Luciana looks away from him and the room goes quiet until Nick finds the courage to ask, "As long as I care about Troy there's nothing I can do to fix this, is there?"  
  
Luciana doesn't look at him as she says. "You picked him over me. You  _love_  him over me. That  _hurts_ , Nick."  
  
Nick aches, a sense of loss washing over him.  
  
"But," Luciana says, "we share a home. We'll have to depend on each other, live together, and I'll have to get over it eventually, but right now I just can't."

Nick nods, hope flaring in his chest. 

Luciana looks at him then. "And I can't hate Troy forever because he's going to live here too, and we'll have to depend on each other too, but I can't forgive him. I can't let go of what he's done, or pretend that everything is okay between us, so please just keep him far away from me. At least until I can stomach being around him."

"I will. I promise." Nick assures her quickly. 

"Good."

Nick smiles and Luciana sinks back into the cot. "If you don't mind, I'm going to take a nap," she says. 

Nick nods and stands. "Yeah, um, I'll see you later. "

"For your sake,"Luciana says as he starts to leave, "I hope you're right about things being different with him." 

"They will be," he tells her confidently, and this time he actually believes it. 

 

* * *

 

"There's no way in hell we're leaving after all this time!" Ennis shouts. 

Mel groans in frustration. "We don't have the resources to take it cleanly."

" _Cleanly_ , no, but we  _do_  have resources."

Troy frowns, quick to hide it as Ennis glances at him. 

"What if we can't contain them?" Mel questions. "What if we just end up destroying the diamond? We'll be left with nothing!"

"And we'll be left with nothing if we just leave! At least my way there's a _chance_ we get the stadium!"

Mel sighs, but he does seem to consider it. He looks over to Troy, silently asking for his input. 

"They've got a bunch of shiny new guns," Troy chimes in. "They can afford to fight. We can't. Even with the dead they've got a fortress."

"No one fucking asked you!" Ennis snaps. 

Troy rolls his eyes and stands up. "Fine. Get us all killed. What do I care." He starts to leave, but then Mel says,

"He has a point, Ennis." 

Both Troy and Ennis turn to look at him in surprise. 

" _What?"_ Ennis demands. 

"We've wasted enough on this. We leave in the morning."

Troy fills with relief. 

"Mel - "

" _Shut it_ , Ennis! We're leaving first thing and that's final."

Ennis looks between Mel and Troy, suspicion in his eyes. He takes a step towards Mel. "He whispering sweet nothings in your ear too? Is that why you've become such a  _fucking_  dumbass?" 

"You're the only dumbass around here if you think this is a fight we can win," Mel tells him firmly. 

Ennis takes a swing at Mel, but Troy takes the hit, moving before he even realizes what he's doing, pain exploding in his left cheek.  "Get out of my way you fucking fairy!"

Troy turns to him, anger boiling to the surface, his desire to kill this son of a bitch prickling his skin. " _Make_ me."

Ennis looks more than ready to, but Mel places himself in between them, forcing Troy behind him. "Go cool off," he orders Ennis. 

Cold fury fills Ennis' eyes. He trains them on Troy. "You haven't won yet," he says before storming off. 

Mel turns to him curiously. "What does that mean?"

"He’s _still_ convinced I'm sneaking off to see Nick."

Mel shakes his head and pats his shoulder. "Thanks for taking the hit."

Troy nods. He isn't sure why he did it. He'd acted on instinct. 

"Guess this means we can collect your truck in the morning." 

"It's not ready yet."

"We can hitch it to one of the other cars." Mel says. "Anyways, spread the word that we're leaving, will you?"

Troy goes to do just that, his head spinning as he tries to figure out how he's going to get away with staying here while the rest of them leave. 

But deep down, he knows he can't. He knows that the moment Mel realizes he’s gone he'll know the truth and he might be blinded enough by his anger to finally listen to Ennis. 

He only has one option. 

 

* * *

 

Nick is in the middle of changing when he hears a knock on his door. "Come in!" Nick calls after pulling on his pajama pants.  
  
"Nicky," Troy greets as he walks in, unsubtly checking Nick out, before kicking the door shut.   
  
"So, did we convince Mel to leave?"   
  
"Yeah, uh, the plan is to take off first thing in the morning," Troy replies, going to sit on the edge of the bed.  
  
Nick sighs in relief as he goes to join him. "At least all of this is almost over."  
  
"There's still one thing we haven't dealt with," Troy says.  
  
"Ennis?" Nick guesses.  
  
Troy nods. "He's still dead set on taking the diamond and I think he'll come back with or without Mel's support."  
  
"What do you suggest we do?"   
  
"I have a plan, but...it means I'll have to leave with them in the morning," Troy tells him.  
  
"No!” Nick protests immediately. The thought of Troy leaving makes fear grip his heart. 

“I have to make sure they don't come back.”

“What if something happens? What if Ennis uses today as a way of getting Mel to turn against you?”

Troy steps forward, takes both of Nick's hands in his own. “I don't care what happens to me if it means I managed to protect you.”

“But  _I_ do.” Nick says, squeezing his hands. “I don't want you to die.”

Troy graces him with a small smile. “And I don't want you to die. Which is why I have to go.”

“No. We can fight them off now if they come back,” Nick points out. “We have guns. We have the numbers.”

“You're willing to risk losing people? Madison, Licia, Luciana, in a fight that doesn't need to happen?”

Nick struggles to find the words. Of course he doesn't want to risk losing people, but he also can't let Troy leave.

“Don't go.” Nick begs, scooting closer to hm. He brings one hand up to rest on the back of Troy’s neck. “I can't lose you again.”

“You won't. I'll be careful.”

“Troy _please_. You don't have to do this."

“It's the only way I can be sure we'll never see them again, Nicky."

Nick can't think straight, can't find the magic words to get Troy to stay so he surges forward, his lips crashing into Troy's in a desperate kiss. He only has one card left to play and he hopes it'll be enough. 

Troy hesitates to kiss back.  
  
Nick pulls back. “Please,” he whispers.

And that's all it takes for Troy to kiss him back this time.

It's no time at all before they make their way up the bed, shedding their clothes awkwardly as they go.

Nick pushes Troy onto the mattress, and quickly covers his naked body with his own.

Troy stares up at him with blown pupils, running a hand up Nick's thigh and up his stomach before settling it on his chest. The sensation it causes only fueling his desperation to keep Troy here, trapped underneath him. Safe.

Nick grabs the hand on his chest and kisses each of his knuckles, allowing for a moment of tenderness before he gives into the frantic pull inside to speed things up.

He climbs up Troy’s body to grab the lube and a condom from the nightstand, breath hitching when he feels Troy’s hand stroke his cock.

Nick slaps his hand away and grabs the lube, scooting down Troy’s body. He rips the condom wrapper open and makes quick work of putting the condom on Troy.

“Don't you need to - “

“It'll be fine as long as we go slow at first.” Nick assures him. “And use lots of lube.”

Troy nods.

Nick uncaps the lube and applies a generous amount to Troy’s cock, smiling when Troy lets out a harsh sigh at the contact, bucking into the touch. Once he's satisfied, Nick caps the lube and tosses it towards the pillows.

He pushes onto his knees as he lines himself up with Troy, grabbing his cock to keep it steady as he slowly, very slowly sinks onto it.

Troy gasps as he takes in the tip, very obviously fighting the urge to buck his hips and go deeper. Nick's grateful for his self-restraint, already feeling his muscles starting to burn as he takes a little more.

It takes a few minutes before Troy’s fully inside him, Troy’s hands gripping onto his hips tightly.

"Fuck, Nicky," Troy says, breathless, squirming as he tries his hardest not to buck up into him. "You're so tight."

Nick smiles and leans forward, kissing him, teasing him with his tongue. With his hand cupping Troy’s cheek he starts rocking his hips.

Troy moans into the kiss, his fingers digging into Nick’s skin, a not so gentle reminder that Troy’s never done this before, never felt this pleasure. The thought of being his first makes Nick's cock twitch, urges him to start building into a faster rhythm.

Once he's properly stretched and the slight burning sensation recedes, Nick leans back on his haunches and pulls himself almost all the way off Troy’s cock before slamming back down. Troy’s breath hitches and he can't keep himself from bucking up this time.

Nick puts a hand on Troy’s chest, silently telling him not to move as he repeats the movement, but faster this time, then faster until he's bouncing on Troy’s cock. Watching as he writhes under him, letting out loud moans and harsh breaths that drown out the noises Nick makes.

 _God he's beautiful,_ Nick thinks as he watches Troy's face flush, his mouth hanging open, eyes half-lidded and staring back at him. 

Nick takes his hand off Troy’s chest and that's all the permission Troy needs before he starts fucking into him, throwing off Nick’s pace, but he really can't say he minds. Especially when Troy manages to brush against his prostate.

“ _Fuuck_ ,” Nick moans before biting his lip. He let's Troy thrust into him a few more times before he tells him to stop.

“What?”

“Fuck me.” Nick orders.

Troy appears confused until Nick gets off of him, and positions himself on all fours. The bed dips as Troy quickly moves to line up behind him.

Nick hands him the lube, listening in anticipation as Troy uncaps the bottle and slicks himself up before tossing it somewhere to his right. He looks over his shoulder and watches Troy line himself up.

Nick's head drops in between his shoulders as Troy pushes in, the grip he retakes on Nick’s hips used to pull him onto his cock simultaneously.

Troy drapes himself over Nick, kisses the back of his neck. He reaches around, wraps his hand around Nick’s cock, slicking him up as he jerks him off.  “Nicky,” he breathes, sending shivers down his spine.

Nick moans, jerking his hips forward into Troy’s hand. It feels  _so good_ , but it's not what he  _needs_ right now so he says, “Troy.”

“Yeah?” Troy mumbles against his neck.

He lifts his head and looks over his shoulder,

“Don't hold back."

He feels Troy’s cock stiffen inside him at the words and pushes back against him. In response, Troy surges forward and kisses him the best he can with the awkward angle before pulling away. 

Nick feels him pull almost all the way out before ramming back in, not hesitating as he repeats the action, but harder this time.

This. _This_ is closer to what Nick needs. 

“Faster,” Nick orders.

Troy obliges, picking up the pace, his fingers digging into Nick’s hips hard enough to bruise the faster he goes, but Nick loves the pain of it. He pushes back against Troy, the desperation from earlier returning tenfold, a buzzing underneath his skin that demands he takes all he can from Troy. That he show Troy what he might be giving up if he leaves. 

Troy accidentally slips out at one point, but after he repositions himself and thrusts back in, he rails Nick’s prostate, causing his arms to finally give out, his face bouncing slightly against the mattress.

Nick lets out a loud moan, his cock hard and leaking against his belly, and he knows he won't last much longer. Especially now with the continuous pressure on his prostate. And he doubts Troy will last more than another minute.

So it isn't surprising when soon after Troy comes, moaning _Nicky_  as he does.

Nick hoists himself up, keeps his left arm planted on the bed while he uses the right to jerk himself off. He feels Troy drape over him again, panting against the back of neck, his breath hot and contrasting with the sweat there, creating a sensation that runs down his spine.

Troy continues to rock inside him as he puts his hand over the one Nick has on his cock, the added pressure the final straw for Nick’s release. He comes on both of their hands, taking a sharp inhale of breath and letting it out as low, drawn out moan.

Troy kisses at his neck, along his the ridge of his shoulder before he finally slips out of him.

Nick rolls onto his back and tries to catch his breath while Troy gets up briefly to throw away the condom and grab a shirt that he uses to wipe Nick's cum off of them.

Nick grabs the lube and scoots up the bed so his head rests on the pillow. He puts the bottle on the nightstand and gestures for Troy to lay next to him.

Troy obeys, but not before getting under the covers, forcing Nick to lift up his hips and join him.  Nick curls up to his side, rests his head on Troy’s chest.

Neither of them speak, the sounds of their breathing filling the room., but eventually even that quiets too.

“I won't go,” Troy says decisively, breaking the silence. He rubs his hand over Nick’s arm as a reassuring gesture. 

Nick fills with relief and snuggles closer to him.

“But we should make sure everyone's on high alert over the next few days,” Troy says. “Probably wouldn't hurt to make sure everybody's armed.”

“We can talk about that with Madison tomorrow,” 

Troy hums in agreement and the room goes quiet again. It gives Nick time to replay their earlier conversation. 

_“I don't care what happens to me if it means I managed to protect you.”_

“Troy?” 

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you'll start caring.”

“Caring about what?”

“Whether you live or die. Because _I_ do and I don't want you to die for me.”

Troy's quiet a moment, then he says, “I'll try, but if it ever comes down to a choice between me and you of who gets to live, I'm choosing _you_.”

Nick nods. He supposes it's as good as he'll get from Troy.

“Nicky?”

“Hm?”

“I love you,” Troy says softly. 

Nick's heart stutters, his stomach fluttering. He wants to say it back, but the words catch in his throat.

“It's okay if you don't say it back. I just want you to know,” Troy tells him.

Nick feels guilt sweep through him. He wishes he could say it, but there's still a part of him that's scared to admit it out loud. 

So he starts kissing Troy’s chest, then up his neck, along his jaw, stopping at his chin. Troy watches him curiously, brings his hand up to cup Nick's cheek.

But maybe if he could say it just once. Just to Troy it would get easier.

Nick brushes his lips against Troy's, intending to whisper it, but he chickens out and kisses him instead. When they go for round two it's slow and sensual. It feels like making love and Nick hopes Troy can tell the difference. 

 

* * *

 

Troy takes a long moment to just watch Nick sleep, burning the sight into his memory and then he slips out of the room, thinking,  _I hope you can forgive me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reminder, it'll be a while before the next chapter!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of this!
> 
> *hides from the discord*


	7. The Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout-out to my betas [Ellie](https://still-potassium-sulfate.tumblr.com) and [Guts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gutsandroses/pseuds/gutsandroses) for all their help with this chapter and the next!

Nick paces around Troy's room, staring at his walkie, willing it to crackle and for Licia to tell him Troy's returned, but it remains silent. He hates Troy for leaving, he really really does. 

Except he doesn't, and it pisses him off. 

He kicks the cot to let out the anger that's been buzzingunderneath his skin since the moment he discovered Troy was gone. 

He’d woken up the morning after they slept together feeling like he was on top of the world - like everything had finally fallen into place. When he realized it was only him in the bed he’d just assumed Troy had gone to explore his new home; it wasn't until after he’d started asking around about him that he got a sinking feeling in his gut. No one had seen him, including Alicia and Luciana. 

He’d searched the entire stadium -  _twice_  - in denial because Troy wouldn't blatantly lie to his face... _right_? But then Nick stopped and replayed the moment Troy told him he loved him and realized Troy said it because he didn't know if they'd ever see each other again. That he wanted Nick to know _just in case._

And that wasn't even the worst part.

No. The worst part was that Nick had been too much of a pussy to say it back and now he might never be able to. 

Nick huffs and plops down on the cot, rubbing at his burning eyes. He hasn't been able to sleep, or eat, anger keeping him too wired and worry gnawing a hole in his gut. 

After a while, his walkie crackles and he grabs it off the nightstand. 

"Nick?" Licia calls.

"Is it Troy?" Nick answers immediately. 

"No, but you have to see this."

 

* * *

 

Troy watches Mel and Ennis as they argue. It's only been two days, and the tension between them is so taut he thinks he'll get his opportunity to deal with Ennis soon. And if he can't...well, he has a contingency plan. 

He hadn't wanted to leave Nick, but he has to make sure the Vultures don't go back to the Diamond, even if he has to kill them all. Even if it means he dies in the process, he  _will_  stop them from going back. He  _has_  to. 

He looks around at the rest of the convoy parked around the run down gas station. Some of the Vultures are gathered in a group talking, but most of them are just eating and waiting to leave. Troy nudges Charlie and nods to the group. She looks briefly between them and him, a silent question on her face.

"See what's going on," Troy whispers, then when Charlie looks at Mel, he adds, "I'll step in if things get too heated with them."

Charlie still hesitates, but after a moment, she nods and gets up. Troy turns his attention back to Mel and Ennis, scooting a little closer in case things escalate **.**  
  
"We wasted a over a  _month_  on this Mel! You can't just expect me to be okay with giving up!" Ennis shouts. 

"They found a way to survive in there, Ennis," Mel says, sounding frustrated. "So we move on."  
  
"No, we go back and we  _take_  it!" Ennis exclaims.  
  
From there, they just continue to argue in circles, and after a while Charlie returns, sitting down next to him.  
  
"So?" he asks.  
  
Charlie leans in close, lowering her voice.  "The ones in the group are willing to take the stadium with Ennis, but everyone else either wants to get back on the road or doesn't care either way."

Troy nods, considering the information.

_Taking out Ennis might not be enough._

But he has a plan for that.   
  
"You can't let them go back," Charlie whispers.  
  
"Even if you don't like how I stop them?" 

Charlie takes a deep breath. "Just don't hurt Mel or Ennis.  _Please_."

"I won't," He tells her, unsure if he's lying when it comes to Mel. 

"What are you going to do?" Charlie asks. 

Troy looks around as he tries to flesh out the specifics of his plan. It's then that he notices something. The people Charlie identified as the ones on Ennis' side are now dragging their things into the gas station. He gets up and walks over to Mel and Ennis. 

"Mel, can I talk to you?" he asks, interrupting Ennis' rant.  
  
Mel actually looks relieved. "Sure," he says, glaring at his brother. He gets up and follows Troy a short distance away from everyone else. "So, what is it?" Mel asks.

"Some people want to go back with Ennis, but most just want to hit the road again," Troy informs him. "So I think if we take them out, Ennis won't have a choice but to let the stadium go."  
  
"You want me to  _murder_  my own people?" Mel questions, as if the idea is absurd.  
  
"I want you to take care of a problem," Troy corrects. "Having people more loyal to your brother is a threat to your leadership."

"I know, but...killing the ones who agree with Ennis seems like a sure way to get the rest of them to turn on me."

"Not if I do it."

Mel raises his eyebrow. "You'd do that for me?"

"For a favor."

Mel narrows his eyes. "What kind of favor?"

"I don't have anything specific in mind, but I might need something someday," Troy answers carefully. 

Mel mulls it over, shooting a glance over to his brother, then looks back to Troy. He shakes his head. "Don't do anything yet. I want to see if I can talk Ennis down first."

Troy huffs. "He's a stubborn bastard! You've been arguing on and off forever and you're no closer to convincing him!"

Mel takes a step closer, putting his hand on Troy's shoulder.  "Look, I'm not saying no. Just give me another day and if Ennis doesn't back down, I'll give you the go ahead."

Troy doesn't want to wait that long, but he nods. The only clean way out of this is to work  _with_  Mel until he can't anymore. 

_One day. One more day and then I'll take things into my own hands._

"Hungry?" Mel asks.

Troy nods. 

Mel pats his shoulder. "I'll get started on dinner." 

He watches Mel bypass Ennis who tries to draw him back into their argument and when he doesn't take the bait, Ennis eyes Troy suspiciously before storming over to his people. 

Troy gets the feeling he won't have to wait after all. 

 

* * *

 

Nick takes a step back and smiles at the now packed pantry. Every shelf is filled, and the floor is cluttered with unpacked crates. 

Alicia wraps her arms around his torso in a side hug. "We're going to be okay," she says. 

He wraps an arm around her. "For the first time in a long time, I actually believe that," he replies. 

They stay like that a moment, just relishing in this rare moment of happiness, then Alicia pulls away. 

"Want to come take watch with me?" she asks. 

Nick shakes his head.

"You know, time would go by faster if you did something," Alicia points out. 

"I have been doing things...I just did them all already," Nick says. 

Alicia chuckles. "You're really worried about him, aren't you?" 

Nick shrugs. 

"It's okay to admit it, Nick," she says. "I know Mom and Luci hate that you care about him, and I'm not really sure how I feel, but I get it. You two need each other, you understand each other in a way none of us can."

Nick doesn't respond immediately, and Alicia starts to leave. 

"Licia, why don't you hate Troy for everything he's done?" Nick questions, turning to face her.  It's something he's wanted to ask for a very long time. 

"We've all done things, Nick," Alicia says, looking over her shoulder at him. 

"But what he did to the Ranch? The Colonia? What he was going to do at the Depot?" 

Alicia turns to face him then. "What he did to the Ranch isn't much different than Daniel leading a horde to the hospital so we could break you out. As for the Depot and the Colonia...well I hope he can change for your sake." 

Nick stares at her in disbelief. "But you almost died!  _Jake_  died. "

"Look," Alicia starts with a sigh, "if you had told me that day he was responsible for the horde, I would've killed him, but you didn't. And then I had to watch you grieve him and that was enough for me to let go of my own anger towards him." 

He really doesn't know what he did to deserve his sister. 

"So, it's okay to admit you're worried about him," Alicia adds. 

Her walkie crackles. "Alicia, are you coming?" Carson asks. 

"On my way," Alicia answers, then to Nick says, "Duty calls," as she leaves. 

"Licia!" he calls, just as she's walked through the doorway.  

Alicia pokes her head back in curiously. 

"I'm really worried about Troy," he tells her. 

She offers a sympathetic smile. "I know, but there's nothing Troy wouldn't do to get back to you." 

 _"I'm going to keep coming back to you."_ Troy's promise rings in his head. 

Nick manages a smile back and then she leaves him alone. He decides to check on the garden for the third time that day just to keep himself busy. 

 

* * *

 

Troy's picking at his food, thinking about Nick and how angry he must be, when Ennis comes charging off the bus towards him - bloody knife in hand. Charlie, who'd been quietly eating next to him jumps in front of him, but Ennis shoves her out of the way and grabs Troy by the front of his shirt. 

"You're coming with me," Ennis snarls. 

Troy grabs Ennis' wrist, gripping it tightly. "The hell I am."

"Troy!" 

He looks towards the sound of Mel's voice and sees him standing at the doors to the bus, clutching his side, blood staining his hand. 

That's all it takes for him to take a swing at Ennis who kicks himto the ground where they wrestle for control until Ennis gets the upper hand, pressing his knife against Troy's throat to keep him still. 

"You're going to lure your little boyfriend out here, or I'll go to the stadium and have myself a little repeat performance of what I did in Waco."

Troy wants to spit in his face and tell him to go fuck himself, but the threat carries enough weight to make him hesitate. 

"Get off him!" Mel shouts to his left, apparently having made his way over during the struggle. He kicks Ennis off, grunting at the effort, and offers his hand to help Troy up while his brother scrambles away. 

Troy takes it and gets to his feet.  

Ennis clears his throat, drawing their attention to him. He's got his knife to Charlie's throat. "Lure Nick out here now, or I'll kill her." 

A shocked murmur starts up behind them. 

"Why do you even want Nick?" Troy asks. 

"To trade. His life for the stadium."

"What makes you think he'll even come? He already made his choice and the last I checked it wasn't me."

"I think that's complete horseshit, but then again, what's the harm in calling anyway? If he really is done with you, he won't be in any danger, and if he isn't...well, not only will my brother finally see the truth, but Nicky will make a _nice_ little bargaining chip."

Troy gets a sinking feeling in his stomach when one of Ennis' men present him with a long range walkie. 

"I don't even know their frequencies," Troy says. 

Ennis shakes Charlie and she rattles them off. 

He chooses one, getting no voices and holds down the button. "Nick?"

He waits a few seconds then hears, "Troy?"

"Alicia?" he questions. 

"It's me. If you want Nick he's on our private channel," she says before telling him the correct frequency. 

He can feel Mel watching him and he can't help but steal a glance as he switches channels. Mel looks like he's holding out hope that Ennis is wrong. 

"Nick!" he calls. 

No answer.

Ennis raises the knife, running the blade lightly over Charlie's cheek leaving behind a large cut.

Mel takes a step towards his brother. "Ennis! If you hurt her, I swear to God - "

"What? You'll kill me?" Ennis scoffs. "You're a  _coward_  Melvin! You won't kill me and after I kill Troy there'll be no one left to do your dirty work."

"Fuck you," Mel spits, but he looks back at Troy expectantly. 

Troy tries again. "Nick, are you there? _Nick?"_

He thinks maybe Nick left his walkie somewhere, but then he hears a sleepy, "Leave me alone Jamie." 

Troy frowns. "Who's Jamie?"

Ten seconds later Nick's voice comes through strong and clear. "Troy?"

"It's me, Nicky.'

"How did you get a walkie?"

"I...stole one from someone in the convoy."

"Oh...well are you okay? Did you deal with Ennis?" 

He looks to the man in question who simply nods, a pleased grin on his face. 

"I'm fine, but...I need you to come get me," Troy says, glancing over at Mel, seeing hurt and anger flood his expression. 

"Where are you?" Nick asks. 

"Tell him you're at that motel we passed on our way here," Ennis instructs. 

Troy hesitates, making eye contact with Charlie. She's silently crying and she looks terrified but she shakes her head at him, telling him not to do it. 

"Tell him!" Ennis shouts, pressing the knife closer to Charlie's throat. 

"The Starlight Motel," Troy answers and it feels like he’s going against his very nature putting Nick in danger like this. 

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Nick says. "Do you need me to bring a first aid kit?"

Panic flares in his chest because he can't actually allow Nick to walk into a trap,  but he doesn't want to get Charlie killed. 

And then a thought strikes him. 

Ennis had claimed to know what Troy is - how he operated from his time with the Vultures but he hadn't seemed to realize that it worked both ways. He seemed to forget that Troy had watched him destroy communities with the dead and had seen him kill any survivors who managed to escape - except for the children. He would let the dead devour them sure, but he could never deliver the final blow himself. 

"Is Madison back yet?" Troy asks, ignoring his question. 

Ennis furrows his brow. 

"Uh, yeah, she just got back today. Why?" 

"Don't come it's a trap!" Troy exclaims. 

"Son of a  _bitch_!" Ennis roars, shoving Charlie away and storming towards him. 

"I love you, Nicky.  _Always,_ " Troy says before throwingthe walkie to the ground. 

He hears Nick yelling for him as Ennis comes at him, trying to stab him. He manages to jump away from the blade and pull out his own knife before Ennis slashes at him again. He grabs onto his wrist painfully tight, but Ennis springs forward and knees him in the gut, breaking his grip and knocking the wind out of him. 

"Troy, answer me!" Nick yells through the walkie. 

Ennis manages to leave a gash on Troy's arm while he tries to catch his breath. When Ennis tries to cut him again, Troy grabs the blade with his left hand, barely feeling the pain of it as he yanks the knife out of Ennis' hand. The nerves in his hand had been severely damaged when he took that knife for Nick back at the Ranch, and again when he’d shoved it onto Klah's knife to take it from him leaving his hand feeling generally numb. 

Ennis' eyes widen. "Fucking psycho!" he spits. 

Troy turns Ennis' knife around in his hand so he grips the hilt and he grins before he starts swiping at Ennis, getting a few deep cuts on his torso. 

Ennis tackles him in desperation and the knife slips out of his left hand as he falls. Troy shoves his other knife into Ennis' back, delighting in the shriek of pain he lets out. 

Ennis twists his body so Troy loses his grip on the knife. He raises his fist, winding up to punch Troy. 

A loud hiss cuts through their little bubble of violence. 

Ennis pauses and they both turn to see the bus turning around to leave. 

"Pussy!" Ennis yells at his brother. 

Troy takes the opportunity to kickEnnis off and scramble towards the closest knife, getting to his feet. He grabs it, but as he turns to face Ennis, he feels a knife sink into his stomach. He gasps in pain, and shoves his own blade into Ennis' chest.

"No!" he hears a woman screech. 

Ennis starts twisting the knife, but Troy grabs onto him to keep upright, pushing his own knife in deeper and preventing Ennis from moving his wrist. 

Suddenly, Alyssa - an army vet and delegated doctor - shoves Troy away, knocking him off balance and causing him to fall the ground, taking both knives with him. He grunts at the impact. 

He hears the woman fussing over Ennis and Troy frowns in confusion. He’d never noticed anything between them before. He tries to stand up, keeping the knife in place but one of Ennis' men comes from behind and pulls him back down. 

Ennis dismisses Alyssa and walks over to Troy, kicking him repeatedly in the stomach, his heavy boots like cinder blocks ramming into his internal organs.  

Troy gasps which each hit. He tries to roll away and get to his feet, but another of Ennis' men - Finn - blocks his path, kicking him in the gut twice. 

Ennis grabs his shoulder and turns him back around.  He's crouched over Troy now, a wicked grin on his face as he pulls the knife out of his stomach.

He runs the blade over Troy's cheek, slicing it as he speaks, "You know, I may not get to kill Nicky in front of you, but I have  _got_  to say, killing you is even more satisfying than I thought it would be."

"Fuck you." Troy spits. "You'll never lay a hand on him."

Ennis' grin grows bigger. "Maybe, maybe not, but you’re going to die not knowing and  _that?_  Oh  _that_  is the sweetest revenge I could ask for!"

He’s too hurt to move, his body aching, growing weaker the more blood he loses, so he says, "Even if you do manage to kill Nick, you’re going to die today."

Ennis laughs and gets to his feet, kicking Troy and telling Finn and a few of the others to join in. He gets rolled around so they don't miss any part of him and he feels so weak, so helpless - like a powerless child to a bully. 

Like he did when his parents were alive - and he's so _terrified_ by the feeling he can't help the tears leaking out or the slight shaking of his body. Images of his mother slapping him, locking him in the basement - hating him in spite of his love for her - then flashes of his father's drunken rages, harsh words, the disgust in his eyes haunting Troy - flooding his senses. 

It isn't until Ennis says, "Search him," that the blows finally stop coming and Troy comes back to himself. 

He shies away from the hands touching him, entire body aching, vaguely aware of Ennis barking orders at the others while Alyssa frantically tends to his wounds. Troy tries to crawl towards his truck, but Finn is quick to shove his foot into his back to keep him still. By the time the hands finally leave his body, his vision starts swimming and he feels like he’s slipping away.

He fights hard to stay conscious, his promise to keep coming back to Nick echoing in head and it isn't until after Ennis and the others leave that he accepts he can't keep it. 

Fresh tears fill his eyes because he's failed Nick and now he's going to die here alone in a pool of his own blood.

But it's okay really. He fought for something until his dying breath and he doesn't regret it. How could he, when Nick was the best thing that ever happened to him? 

He just hopes Madison can protect Nick and prevent the Diamond from being destroyed. 

His mind drifts to Nick and all their time together, his tears finally falling as he realizes  _how much_  he really wanted that future they'd been talking about and how it's all gone now because he fucked up. 

He won't get to help Nick take care of the garden, or show off his farming expertise. He won't get to take watch with Nick and talk about anything and everything just to pass the time. He won't get to read Nick to sleep or vice versa. He won't get to touch or tease or kiss him ever again. He won't get his happy ending.

But then again, monsters never do and that's what he is right? 

So maybe dying here with no one coming to save him is the ending to his story that he deserves. The one he's clearly going to get. 

He lets out a choked sob and curls into himself, warm tears blurring his vision. 

Troy had never cared much whether he lived or died, but now he cares  _so much_  it hurts and it doesn't even matter. It's almost funny. Like some cruel joke being played on him.

And it's all _Nick's_ fault.

He wishes he could hate Nick for this pain and terror flooding his veins - this desperate desire to live - but he can't. 

So he focuses on the tender way Nick looked after he told him he loved him, the way he kissed him - soft and sweet - trying to ignore that Nick never said it back because he  _knows_  Nick loves him. His desperation to get Troy to stay told him as much.

Still. How nice it would've been to hear... just _once._

He can't fight to stay awake anymore and he whispers, "Goodbye, Nicky," before the darkness takes him. 

 

* * *

 

Nick runs towards Madison's room, part of him thinking how ironic it is to go crying to the woman who almost  _killed_  Troy about him being in trouble, but he doesn't really know what else to do. 

He bursts into Madison's room, confused to see her, Strand, Cole and Luciana standing around the table in the center. 

"Nick, what's wrong?" Madison asks. 

He shakes his head to clear away the confusion. "Uh, it's Troy. I think he’s in trouble."

Madison looks over at the others. 

" _Please!_  He needs our help! I know you hate him, but - "

Madison claps both her hands on his shoulder. "Nick.  _Breathe_."

"Troy - "

"Troy left me a note."

Nick frowns. " _What_? What are you talking about?"

Madison lets go of him and she twists around, outstretching her hand to Strand. He gives her a slip of paper and she turn back to Nick, offering it to him. 

"I found this on my door when I got back," she says as he takes it. 

Nick furrows his brow, and reads it: 

 

_Madison. If I'm not back before you, it means I failed and they're coming. Check your map. Please protect him._

_\- Troy_

The words stoke the fire of panic in his veins, dread filling his belly. He has to find Troy  _now_. 

But he knows Madison will never him go if he tells her the whole truth about what Troy said over the walkie. He has to play this right. 

He hands the note back to his mother. "What does he mean check your map?"

Madison gestures to where the others are gathered and he rushes over, seeing the map Madison used for supply leads, but now there's big X's all over the place, above the them are the words, _That's where they keep their dead. Destroy them and you destroy their threat._

"I'm sending out teams to the nearest points, but I'm going to need your help setting a trap."

Nick shakes his head. "I have to find Troy. He radioed that he needed help and I have to make sure he's okay."

"No, I need you here," Madison says firmly. 

"Troy could be out there dying! I can't just abandon him!"

Madison gets that familiar stubborn look in her eyes, but he juts his chin defiantly. He won't back down. 

"He's going one way or another Madison," Strand chimes in after a tense moment. "Let him at least go prepared."

"I'll go with him," Luciana volunteers. "I can't move around much, but I won't let him out of my sight and I can still shoot a gun."

Nick looks at her in surprise, and she offers a small smile. 

"Keep your walkie on and check in as soon as you know something," Madison tells him, and he sees the regret already on her face, but she doesn't take it back, only asks him to tell Alicia to join the meeting. 

Luciana limps after him as he leaves the room. 

"You don't have to come," he tells her. 

"I know," she says.

He leads her to the equipment room acting as an armory and they grab a couple of guns before heading to the main gate where Licia's on watch. Luciana goes to grabs the keys to a car and get Jamie and Carson to open the gate while Nick goes to Alicia, explaining everything quickly. 

"I'll go with you," she says immediately. 

Nick shakes his head. "No, mom needs your help and I think the only way she can handle me being out there is if you’re in here." 

"She can't handle it either way." 

" _Please_ , Licia. Just help keep her busy until I get back."

She considers it a moment then pulls him into a hug. 

"Come back safe."

Nick squeezes her tight. "I will."

She pulls away and he hurries off. He doesn't want to waste anymore time here, Troy's last frantic message playing on repeat in the back of his head. 

Luciana's in the passenger's seat of a small red car, Barry slipping out of the driver's seat while Jamie and Carson open the main gate. 

"Hope you find him," Barry says as he walks past. 

"Thanks," Nick says absently. He gets in the driver's seat, and takes off as soon as the gate's clear. 

"Do you even know where we're going?" Luciana questions once they're on the road. 

"Troy told me to meet him at some motel not far from here."

Luciana nods. 

"He also said that it was a trap and I shouldn't come."

Luciana's head whips around so fast that he's scared to look at her. " _What?!_ "

"I think Ennis was trying to make him lure me out for some reason, but he refused. I'm afraid they killed him."

"And what if they're still there? What's your plan then?"

"The plan is to stay out of sight and observe until I find out what happened to Troy."

"You mean _we_."

"With your ankle - "

Luciana cuts in. "I can still follow at a distance." 

Nick nods. 

He lets a few minutes go by in silence before he asks, "Why did you volunteer to come? I mean, you hate Troy."

"I didn't come for him," she says. 

Nick smiles.

"Like you said, just because we're not together doesn't mean I don’t still care about you," she adds. 

"I appreciate it." 

They settle back into silence until they're a block away from the motel, pulling into the alleyway behind an abandoned diner. 

"I'll scout ahead," Nick says as he gets out of the car.

He's careful to be quiet, spotting a couple infected at the end of the alleyway. As soon as he's close he takes them both out with his knife, Luciana catching up to him. They crouch behind the corner of the fence, eyeing the side of motel they can see. 

There doesn't appear to be anyone living around. 

"Give me two minutes before you follow," Nick says, glancing back at Luci and seeing her nod. He keeps low to the ground as he crosses the street, managing not to draw the attention of the infected around. 

He doesn't hear anything as he creeps along the side of the building, and when he peeks around the corner he doesn't see anything either. He frowns and sneaksinto the parking lot, but all he finds are cars with windshields and windows shattered and a few stray infected milling about. 

He searches the front office, Luciana finding him and aiding him, but there's only two rooms so it doesn't take long. 

"Keep an eye out, I'll search the rooms."

Luciana grabs his wrist. "I don’t think he's here Nick. If you’re right about him ruining Ennis' plan they wouldn't bother showing up here because they probably assumed you wouldn't come once you knew it was a trap."

He knows she's right, but he can't just give up now. He  _has_  to find Troy for his own sanity. 

"But they have to be close, right? They _had_ to have come this way to get to wherever they are, how else would they know to name this place?"

"Nick, we have _maybe_ an hour of daylight left. We should really head back."

Nick shakes his head. "Just a little longer, okay? We'll take a quick drive down the street and then we'll head back."

Luciana nods reluctantly and this time they sneak back to the car together. 

Roughly twenty minutes pass without them finding anything, then thirty, then forty. Luciana says nothing as he keeps driving and he’s grateful for it. Eventually he turns them around. 

He wants to throw up, anxiety coursing through his veins. 

 " _I love you, Nicky. Always."_

Nick's throat constricts.  _What if those were his last words to me?_

Suddenly, he finds it very hard to breathe, his vision getting blurry and he slams on the brakes _._

"Nick? Nick what's happening?" Luciana's voice sounds muffled. 

Nick white knuckles the steering wheel, resting his head on it. He closes his eyes and focuses on getting his breathing under control. 

It takes him a few minutes to calm down enough to lift his head. 

His eyes are wet with tears and he feels weak and oddly has a sudden craving for water. 

"Nick?"

He turns to look at Luciana. "What if I never see him again?"

Luciana give him this sad, pitying look, and he can't take it, but when she invites him into a hug, he accepts it eagerly, clinging to her. 

"Whatever happened to Troy...he's not the type to go down without a fight. There's still a chance he's alive," Luciana says, rubbing his back. 

Nick nods. 

Luciana starts frantically hitting his back. "Nick! We need to go now!"

Nick pulls away with a frown but before he can ask what's wrong the car jerks forward abruptly from the impact of being rammed into from behind. 

 

* * *

 

Nick watches the El Camino as it pulls into the parking lot of some run down fast food place they were dragged to. 

"Guess we're going to find out why Ennis wanted you," Luciana comments as he steps out of the car.

"What's this?" Ennis asks, looking to one of the Vultures. 

"Jordan and Kathy found them on their way back," some woman answers.

Ennis stops to talk to her briefly then he turns with a grin and walks towards him and Luci, coming to a stop in front of Nick.  "You came looking for your boyfriend, didn't you  _Nicky?_ "

His name sounds wrong in Ennis' mouth. 

"Where is he?" Nick asks. 

Ennis crouches down so they're eye level and his grin is almost manic now. "Dead by now I imagine."

Nick's heart sinks. "You’re lying."

Ennis unsheathes one of the knives attached to his belt and shows Nick the bottom of the hilt. He sees the initials T.O. carved into it and his face falls, one of his many late nights with Troy springing to mind. 

_"Mel keeps taking my knife." Troy had complained as Nick pinned up another drawing from Charlie._

_"Why?" Nick asked._

_"Says it's on accident, but I know he's lying. He's even tried to deny it was mine a couple of times._   _"_

_"Why don't you write your name on it or something? He won't have an excuse then."_

_Troy had quickly decided it was good idea and asked to borrow Nick's knife to carve his initials into it._

Ennis sheathes the knife and lifts his shirt, revealing bandages on his torso. "Oh don't look so upset, Nick. Your boy didn't go down without a fight."

Nick shakes his head, tears springing to his eyes. "No... he...he  _can't_  be..."

"Not to add salt to the wound," Ennis says, dropping his shirt, "but you were close to where I left him. Probably could've saved him before he bled out. If only you’d taken a right before my people found you."

Nick's eyes widen, his heart hammering in his ears. 

_What?_

Ennis laughs. "Oh the look on your face! It almost makes up for not getting to see the one on Troy's when I killed you in front of him."

Nick bashes his head into Ennis' nose, anger surging through him. 

Ennis rests back on his haunches, clutching at his face for a moment before he checks if It's broken. Unfortunately, despite the blood running down his face it doesn't appear to be. Ennis laughs again, wiping at his eyes. "Got a little fire in you, huh? Guess that's what made that psycho so obsessed with you."

Nick glares up at him, trying his best not to fall apart, but it's difficult. His chest tight, eyes wet and blurry, breathing uneven. 

Ennis looks him straight in the eye as he adds, "Guess that's why he  _died_  for you."

Nick refuses to let his tears fall, to let Ennis see weakness. "What. Do. You. Want?"

Ennis gets to his feet. "I  _was_  going to trade you for the stadium but now... _now_ I think I'll destroy it  _and_  you to teach that bitch mother of yours a lesson."

"I thought you and your people wanted it," Nick says. 

"We do, and we'll have it in our own right, but first I want to make all of you who holed up in there to die."

"What about the supplies?" Luciana asks. "We have medicine, weapons,  _food_. Are you really going to risk losing all of it just to kill our people?"

Ennis' gaze shifts to her. "The dead won't touch any of it."

Nick and Luci exchange worriedglances. 

"But you know...you'll make great bait in terms of getting Madison out in the open."

Nick looks back to him, hatred and fury boiling under his skin. "I'm going to kill you."

Ennis throws his head back in laughter. "A scrawny bitch like you?  _Please_."

"You’re going to pay for what you did to Troy."

Ennis crouches down again. "No. I'm really not," he says, patting Nick's cheek before he walks away. "Load 'em up!" 

A couple of the Vultures come towards them and force them to their feet. 

"Oh! And be sure to gag them." Ennis adds. "Wouldn't want them to spoil the fun."

They get roughly gagged and shoved into the backseat of a car. As soon as they take off, the reality of Troy being dead hits Nick like wave, and he starts crying, suppressing the sobs threatening to wrack his body. He can't fall apart completely, not here, not in front of these assholes, and he knows that if he gets out of this alive he will. 

But he's not sure he even wants to. 

 

* * *

 

Nick stares out the window, tears staining his cheeks, Luciana resting her head on his shoulder in a makeshift hug. The two Vultures in the front seat are chatting incessantly, paying them no mind. 

He feels numb. 

Grief on the edges of this false serenity he's reached solely through his conviction to kill Ennis at any cost. 

He doesn't know how he'll manage it, but he hopes whatever Madison's trap is will give him an opportunity. 

The car turns and Nick looks out the windshield to see they've arrived at the stadium. 

Luciana sits up and they both scoot towards the middle to watch what happens. The Vultures roll down the windows so they can hear Ennis' speech.

Nick squints, trying to see who was on watch, but they're too far. 

"Maaaaadisoooon!" Ennis calls out. 

There's no response. 

"I really think you should answer me, Madison. I have something you might want back!" Ennis shouts. 

That gets him an answer from Madison, "I thought you were supposed to leave if we proved this place wasn't dying!"

"That was my brother's cowardice, not mine."

"So you came to attack  _after_  we found weapons? I take it Mel was the _brains_ of the operation?" 

Nick snorts. His mother never was one to hold back. 

"Who said anything about attacking?" Ennis asks before he raises his hand and waves two fingers.

The Vultures get out of the car and pull Nick and Luciana out, leading them over to Ennis' side, forcing them onto their knees. 

Nick notices two things the instant he looks over to where his mother stands outside the main gate. One, it's only her, Cole, Jaime, and Strand around and two, the gate is suspiciously shut behind them.

"As luck would have it, we found your son and his friend out there and well...I've heard you’d do just about anything when it came to protecting your children."

"So this is your move then? My son for the stadium?"

"You catch on fast."

"How do I know you won't just slaughter us all the second we try to leave?"

"Oh come on, Madison, I'm not a monster! Not like Troy was."

" _Was?_ You killed him?" Madison questions.

"Traitor gave me no other option," Ennis says causally, "You know, you really should be thanking me. I did what you couldn't and killed the bastard corrupting your son."

Madison just gives him a hard look. 

Ennis raises his hand and signals again. 

Nick hears people getting out of their cars behind them. Then he hears them beating on the sides of one of the ice cream trucks, followed by snarling and banging from inside. 

"So," Ennis says, "what's it gonna be, Madison? The Stadium or your son?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know you thought of this! 
> 
> *hides from the discord, but Punky in particular because they called this weeks ago and I've been screaming internally ever since*  
> \--  
> Hi Discord crew, it's me, the beta reader. be afraid :)


	8. Shattered Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been replying to comments lately! I've been a little caught up in writing this/doing other things, but I do read every comment and they're very much appreciated 💙💙💙💙

Troy feels... _nothing_. 

No pain, no aches as he slowly pulls himself from the darkness. 

_Is this what it is to die? It's not so bad._

He feels like he’s drifting underwater and it's oddly comforting. 

He hears a creak and he frowns. Was there more to death than just an empty sea of black? 

"Charlie, why don't you go get some sleep?" Mel asks. 

_Are they dead too?_

"I want to be here when he wakes up." 

_Wake up?_

Troy's eyes flutter open, and he squints against the harsh unnatural light shining down on him. He looks around, coming to three separate conclusions as his head spins; one, he's alive, two, he’s in the stadium infirmary and three, Mel and Charlie must've come back for him. 

"Charlie," Troy calls, voice hoarse fromdisuse **.**

Charlie, who had been sitting on the end of Mel's cot, rushes over to hug him. 

He can't feel the pain he's sure he should be feeling at being jostled, but when he raises his arm to hug her back he feels something pulling slightly. He looks above him and sees an IV drip and blood bag. 

Charlie pulls away from the hug and smiles. 

He smiles back briefly, and swallows before asking, "What happened?" 

"We saved your traitor ass," Mel answers. 

Troy looks over to him, furrowing his brow. "Why?"

"Charlie begged me."

Troy nods, regretting the movement as it only serves to make his head swim. He shifts his gaze to his arm, using the IV as a focal point. It stings a bit to know Mel only saved him because of Charlie and not because he cares about him.

Charlie looks between them, then says, "He also said he couldn't leave you to die after all you've done for him."

Troy's gaze snaps to Mel who's glaring at Charlie like she just blurted out a secret. He catches Troy looking at him.

"That doesn't mean we're friends," Mel tells him firmly. 

"Okay."

They look away from each other and the room goes deathly quiet.

"Thank you,  _both_  of you, for saving me," Troy says to break it, looking to Charlie. 

Mel huffsin acknowledgement and Charlie grabs his hand and squeezes it. She looks dead tired, the bandage on her left cheek reminding him she'd had a rough day too. 

"We've got a matching set," He says, pointing to the bandage he feels on his right cheek. 

She chuckles and that too sounds tired. 

"You should sleep now," he tells her. "I'll still be here when you wake up."

She nods. "I have to tell Naomi that you're awake first."

Silence falls once she leaves, but this time it's Mel who breaks it indignantly.

"I can't believe you were playing me this whole time. I mean I  _defended_  you, I  _provided_  for you and this is the thanks I get?" He looks genuinely hurt. 

It pissesTroy off. 

"You  _starved_  me. You made me depend on you for survival. You made me your bitch for  _seven_  months and you're shocked I betrayed you? Ennis was right, you  _are_  a fucking dumbass!"

"Oh, fuck you! I should've just let you die!"

"So why didn't you?" Troy challenges **.**

"Charlie begged me!"

Troy scoffs. "That's  _bullshit_  and you know it! You wouldn't just risk giving Ennis a second chance to kill you so why did you really come back for me?!"

Mel's mouth hangs open as he struggles to think of a response. 

"Just spit it out, Mel!"

" _Fine_! You want to know why I really went back? It's because for some reason I actually give a shit about you!" Mel shouts. 

That throws Troy for a loop. " _Why?"_

"Does it matter? It was all just an act from you anyway!"

Troy furrows his brow as he considers his own feelings towards Mel. Seven months of being his bitch didn't just disappear with a few weeks of earnest friendship - on Mel's part at least - but then again Troy had hated Nick when they met and it wasn't until he saw the familiar shade of violence staining his soul that that changed. As for Mel...well he only knew for sure he liked being in his good graces. 

But he took a hit for him without thinking and didn't want to kill him, that had to mean something in his fucked up head right? 

"It wasn't  _all_  an act," Troy admits. 

Mel looks at him curiously and Troy looks away from him without elaborating. 

"Are you two done with... _whatever_  this conversation is?" Madison asks from the doorway, making them both look at her. When they don't answer, she speaks again. "Do either of you know where my son is?"

"No." Mel answers the same time Troy asks, "Are you saying he's not here?"

Madison focuses her attention on Troy. "No, he went looking for you and now he won't answer his walkie."

"Nicky's missing?" Troy questions, fear creeping into his belly. He tries to sit up, but his body feels too heavy. 

"Looks like it," Madison answers with a frown, worry coloring her expression. 

"Ennis might have him."

"Why would Ennis have Nick?" Madison questions. 

"He was trying to force me to lure Nick out so he could trade him for the stadium, but I told Nick not to come."

"You told Nick..." Madison huffs. "He said you were in trouble, but he didn't mention that part."

"Probably knew there was no way in hell you’d let him leave if he had," Troy comments. 

Madison narrows her eyes, that familiar ember of hatred burning in her eyes. "You better hope he makes it out of this alive because if he doesn't I swear I'll - "

"- use a bigger hammer this time?" Mel cuts in. 

Troy looks at him in surprise, but Mel's still looking at Madison. 

"Don't be cute," Madison says, sounding irritated, "The only reason I haven't kicked your ass out yet is because of Charlie."

"Madison."

Madison looks over her shoulder and Troy sees another blonde woman standing behind her. 

"A few of our people are waiting to report in," the new woman says. "And if you don't mind I'd like to see to my patients."

_Patients? She must be Naomi._

Madison turns to glare at both Mel and Troy before leaving, Naomi coming over to check Troy's IV. 

"How are you feeling?" Naomi asks when she checks his stitches. 

He considers the question. He doesn't really feel any pain and his head is still swimming. "Floaty?" he answers. 

Naomi seems amused by his answer, a small smile on her face.  "That would be the morphine."

"Oh," he says. He wonders what Nick would have to say about this. If he’d be reminded of all his times in the hospital. 

Naomi checks his temperature and his blood pressure. 

"All clear?" he asks as she undoes the velcro of the blood pressure reader. 

"Not quite," she answers, "Your BP's low, but some food and a little more time with the blood transfusion should do the trick. You were lucky nothing vital was hit and that you got away with some tissue damage."

Troy nods. He takes a moment to process what that means, then asks, "Can you take out the morphine?" 

Naomi gives him a curious look. "Why?"

Troy struggles to come up with a lie, but it ends up not mattering. 

"You want to go looking for Nick, don't you?" Mel scoffs in disbelief. 

Understanding lights Naomi's eyes and she sighs. "Before you go out there all half-cocked, maybe you'd like to hear Madison's plan?" 

Troy tilts his head curiously. "What plan?"

 

* * *

 

Troy's in the middle of changing into the clean clothes Naomi brought him when Madison finally returns. 

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks. 

Troy glances at her briefly, then goes back to buttoning up his shirt. "Naomi told me what you’re up to and I'm not just going to sit around while Nick's out there. I want I help."

"And you?" she asks Mel who's putting on his shoes. 

"I didn't save his crazy ass just to let him get himself killed," he answers simply. 

Troy eyes him warily, not sure he can trust Mel at this point. 

"Troy, you almost died today. If you lose any more blood - "

Troy laughs. "Oh, don't act like you care, Madison." 

Madison huffs. " _Fine_. But stay out of sight with the others."

Troy nods. 

"Weapons are in the equipment room in the next hall. Be quick, Strand says they're on their way." Madison tells them before heading out. 

"I know you’re still pissed at me," Troy says, glancing over at Mel. "I get it if you don’t want to come."

"I'm not just doing this for you," Mel tells him. "My brother tried to kill me. I want to make sure he pays for that."

"Fair enough." 

Troy leads the way to equipment room, noticing the nasty looks Mel gets as they pass. It stirs that new instinct to protect Mel which only serves to muddle his feelings towards the other man even more. 

There's a teenage girl and a tall, burly man arming themselves when they step into the equipment room. 

"Oh, hey!" the girl greets. "You’re Nick's boyfriend, right?"

Troy's face heats. "Yeah. Uh, Madison sent us to get weapons," he says, gesturing to Mel. 

The burly man looks Mel up and down, seemingly unimpressed.

"But you’re hurt," the girl says. 

Troy shrugs. "I've fought with worse. I'll be fine."

The burly man hands Troy a rifle and a pistol but doesn't say anything. 

"I'm Amy, by the way," the girl introduces, handing her own pistol over to Mel. "This is Carson."

"Nice to meet you," Mel says. 

Carson snorts. "Can't say the same."

Troy exchanges a look with Mel, then says, "I'm Troy," offering his hand out to Carson. 

Carson shakes his hand. "I know. You’re the one who's been bringing us supplies."

Troy can feel Mel glaring a hole into the side of his head. "That's me."

"Give us an minute and we'll take you to where you need to be," Carson tells him. 

Troy nods and goes to wait outside, Mel following suit. 

Mel grabs his arm, forcing Troy to face him. "You were bringing them supplies?!"

"Yeah. So what? I needed them to outlast you and Ennis so I did what I had to."

Mel shakes his head, his expression a mix of hurt and anger. "God, I'm a fucking idiot for ever trusting you."

Frustration flares in his chest and he groans. He doesn't know what he wants from Mel, but he would prefer to be on good terms. "Look, we don't have time for this so I'll just tell you that I don't regret what I did because it was all for Nicky and I'd do anything for him."

Mel scoffs, opening his mouth to reply. 

Troy doesn't let him, continuing earnestly with, "But it doesn't make me happy to see you hurt over what I did because for  _some_  reason I give a shit about you, too."

Now Mel is the one thrown for a loop, his mouth closing into a tight line.

They stare at each other until Troy's attention is drawn to Amy and Carson as they step out of the equipment room. 

"Everything okay?" Carson asks, looking between them curiously, his eyes landing on where Mel's holding onto Troy. 

"Fine," Mel answers, finally letting go.

Carson tells them to follow him, suspicion in his eyes, and they do. 

Troy has no idea where he stands with Mel, but he hopes a little honesty will be enough for now. 

They walk past Madison on their way out and Mel stops briefly to talk to her before rejoining them. 

"What was that about?" Troy asks curiously. 

"Nothing." Mel reaches into his pocket and hands Troy a protein bar.  "Eat up. You're gonna need your strength."

"Where did you get this?" Troy questions. 

"Naomi brought it with your clothes."

"Then why - " Troy scoffs as it occurs to him, "You  _stole_  my protein bar."

Mel shrugs. "I almost bled out saving you, you know. I thought it was fair."

Troy shakes his head with an incredulous laugh. "Dick."

Mel gives him a small smile, then starts walking, prompting the others to start moving as well.

Troy opens the protein bar and takes a bite before he follows after them. 

 

* * *

 

"So," Ennis says, "what's it gonna be, Madison? The stadium or your son?"

Madison takes a step forward. " _Both_."

"Wrong answer," Ennis tells her, then to his helpers, "Let them out!"

Nick looks over his shoulder, watching the back of the nearest truck open to reveal -

Nothing. 

It's completely empty. 

 _All_  of the trucks are empty except for one, a large group of infected stumbling out. 

"What the hell?!" Ennis shouts.

The drivers of the trucks turn to face them and Nick has never been happier to see Alicia, Strand and some other residents of the stadium standing there. 

"Splitting up wasn't a smart idea," Alicia says with a mocking grin. 

Nick tries get to his feet, planning to charge into Ennis, but shots fire from the treeline and he stays put, forced to watch Ennis and the Vultures run for cover. 

The dead split from each other, some going towards the Vultures, some stumbling towards Nick and Luci, getting shot up as they do. 

Nick's so distracted by the chaos around him, that he jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns and sees Troy standing there, time seeming to freeze around them as he stares, wide-eyed in shock, his breath catching. 

At first it's like seeing a ghost - Troy painting a haunting image with a bandage covering his right cheek, the harsh red of a blooming bruise marring the skin around his left eye, a small cut on his upper lip, another bandage on his arm. But then Troy cuts the plastic ties off his wrist and Nick feels like he can breathe again because ghosts can't wield knives. 

Troy crouches down and pulls the piece of cloth out of his mouth. He swipes his thumb under Nick's eyes, reminding him of the tears he hadn't stopped shedding. Nick can't seem to remember how to speak. 

"Told you I'd keep coming back to you," Troy says with a soft smile. 

Nick throws his arms around Troy, squeezing so hard it's painful, Troy gasping softly. He closes his eyes, focusing on the comforting,  _solid_  press of Troy against him.

_Alive. He's alive._

He opens his eyes and pulls away from the hug, touching Troy's face, and just staring into his beautiful blue eyes. "He told me you were dead." He sounds so small, so vulnerable to his own ears. 

"I almost was, but Mel saved me."

Nick has so many questions, but the shouting around them pulls him back into focus. He looks around and sees the Vultures firing into the treeline, or at the infected closing in on them. Luciana's hobbling towards Madison with the help of Alicia. 

"Give me a gun," Nick says. 

Troy reaches behind him and pulls a pistol of his waistband, but doesn't hand it over. "Are you sure? We've got this covered."

It makes him happy that Troy's concerned about him becoming that person he hates, but he has a score settle. 

Nick nods. "Lets end this. "

Troy hands him the gun and they open fire on the Vultures. Nick doesn't shoot to kill, but Troy does, taking down three of them in quick succession as they try to run. 

Nick searches for Ennis. Troy being alive doesn't change anything. He  _will_  make good on his threat. 

They kill everything in their way, but don't find Ennis even as they round the cars. 

Shouting draws their attention to the Diamond and they see part of it is now on fire. 

Nick frowns. "What the hell?" 

When he looks to Troy he's sees his eyes widen in horror as he looks to Nick. 

"Troy?"

"I don't have my keys," he says. 

Nick's eyes widen too. "Shit! We have to get in there."

Troy nods and they start sprinting back to the Diamond. 

A series of gunshots ring out behind Nick and he turns to see Troy come to a stop behind him, making him freeze in place. 

Troy looks down at his chest, then up at Nick as he crumples to his knees, revealing Ennis not too far behind him and for a moment, Daniel flashes in his place. 

 _"This was for my daughter."_ The words reverberate in his skull even as the image of Daniel dissipates. 

"Ni-Nicky." Troy says before falling on his face. 

"No," Nick says in disbelief, heart stopping as his nightmare becomes a reality. "No!" 

He rushes towards Ennis, gun raised. He shoots three times, but only the first bullet reaches Ennis, hitting him in the shoulder, the gun clicking twice. Someone else fires at Ennis and he falls onto his back. 

Nick scurries over to Troy, rolling him onto his back, reassured by the groan he lets out in response. He puts pressure on the wound and yells for help at the top of his lungs until Alicia comes running to his aid. 

She immediately walkies for a stretcher.

"There's dead blocking the way," Cole reports, "Do what you can til we get this sorted."

"Copy that."  Alicia sets her walkie aside and pulls off her plaid overshirt, ripping it into long strips that she quickly layers and ties together. "I'm gonna need you to lift him."

Nick does, helping her get the makeshift bandages around Troy. Once that's done, she applies pressure to the wound. 

"You have to help the others," Troy tells Nick. 

Nick shakes his head. "I'm not leaving you."

"I'm dead if they can't get into the infirmary."

Nick groans in frustration. He knows Troy is right, but...if he leaves and Troy dies...

"I'll keep him alive until you get back," Alicia reassures him.

Nick still hesitates, but he nods and gets to his feet. "I'll be back soon."

Troy nods and offers him a grin, and Nick's heart almost stops as he sees blood staining his teeth. 

_He's going to die._

Cold fury fills his veins, sparking hot in an instant as he sees Ennis struggling to sit up a few feet away. His mind goes blank and he storms over to Ennis, kicking him back down. He stomps on Ennis' hand when he tries to raise his gun, putting all his weight into it, a part of him delighting in the shriek of pain Ennis lets out. 

He lifts his foot and kicks the gun away before dropping onto his knees, caging Ennis between his thighs. His mission to help the others completely forgotten. 

Ennis stares up at him, pain induced tears on the corners of his eyes. "Going to kill me, Nicky? Aren't you supposed to be the good one?" 

Nick leans in real close, staring Ennis dead in the eyes as he asks, "What ever gave you that idea?"

And then he punches Ennis in the face, over and over, unable to feel the pain of it through his rage and adrenaline, ignoring the hands struggling to push him away, digging his knees into Ennis' sides so he can't squirm away. He doesn't stop even when he hears the sick crunch of something breaking. Even when Ennis frantically grasps at him one last time before going limp underneath him

Hands eventually wrap around his torso and try to pull him off, but something in him has broken and his only instinct is to fight. He thrashes about wildly.

"Nick! Nick, he's dead!" he barely even registers Madison's voice shouting at him. 

Nick doesn't calm, his rage and grief all consuming and he busts out of the hold and continues to bash in what's left of Ennis' face. 

"Troy needs you!" Luciana's words cut through and make him pause.

Nick looks around wildly, panting harshly. It's quiet now. The Vultures and the infected all lie deadaround the parking lot, the Stadium is still partially on fire, but the lack of the other residents tell him it won't be for long. Finally, he sees Mel staring at him, abject horror coloring his expression. His eyes land back on Ennis' unrecognizable face, and it makes him sick to finally comprehend what he's done, his own brutality a nasty shock to his system. 

He wants to throw up, nausea prickling his skin with cold sweat. 

"Nick, he's  _dying!_ They're bringing out a stretcher, but Troy needs you right now." Luciana tells him. 

Nick unsteadily gets to his feet, Luciana helping him find his balance, and stumbles back to Troy. Immediately dropping to his knees and pulling Troy onto his lap. 

"Nicky..." Troy reaches towards his face and Nick guides his hand to his cheek, kissing his palm once as he does. 

"You're gonna be okay," Nick says, voice tight and barely audible as his throat constricts because he  _can't_  lose Troy again. He  _can't_. Fate brought them back together again, surely it wouldn't be so cruel as to rip them apart like this? 

"Y-yeah..." he agrees, but there are tears in his eyes. 

"Naomi and Licia are gonna fix you up and tomorrow we'll get to work on the garden." Tears springing to his own eyes, but he doesn't let them fall. 

"Can we - ah - Can we take tomorrow off? I think I'll need to rest..." 

Nick can't speak past the lump in his throat so he nods. His heart feels as if it's splitting in two, their future seeming to erase itself before his eyes the paler Troy gets.

He'll never recover if Troy dies in his arms, if he loses the man he loves. 

_Oh god I still haven't said it!_

"I lo...I love you," Nick chokes out, desperately clutching the hand that had been on his cheek. He doesn't care about their audience, he only cares that Troy hears it, that he knows how he feels before it's too late.

He clears his throat. "I love you," he repeats softly. 

Troy grins weakly, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Tol-told you...you’d admit it."

Nick feels hot tears stream down his face and he barely manages a watery smile in response. He leans down and kisses Troy's forehead. 

He feels a hand clap his shoulder. "We have to take him now," Naomi says. 

Nick nods, letting Naomi, Strand and Alicia pull Troy off his lap and load him onto the stretcher, but he doesn't let go of his hand until the last possible second, falling forward onto the gravel as their fingers slip apart. He tracks their progress through the parking lot the best he can with his blurry vision, his heart cracking just a little more the farther away they get. 

Luciana rushesto his side and coaxes him to his feet again, brushes his hair out of his face, offering placations that he can't quite focus on as sobs begin to wrack his body. He doesn't mean to be so dramatic, but everything hits him in one overwhelming wave and he can't seem to control himself. 

Madison walks over and he launches himself at her, needing the comfort only she can provide, the comfort she's always offered even after all his screw ups - despite all their differences. She wraps her arms around him tightly and says, "Everything will be okay. Troy will be fine," and he clings desperately to the hope those words spring in his chest. 

Madison's walkie crackles after a short while and a very panicked sounding Strand shouts, "We're getting overrun in here, Madison!"

Madison lets go of Nick and pulls her walkie from her belt. "What's going on in there?"

Nick lets go and wipes at his eyes, trying to collect himself as he listens to Strand. 

"We were able to get in control of the locker room, but we didn't get all of the dead we - "

An agonizing scream cuts through.

"Victor?!" Madison shouts. 

He doesn't answer. 

"Shit!" Madison curses. She clips her walkie to her belt and turns to Mel who finally snaps his gaze away from Ennis' corpse. "If you really want to join us, now's your chance to prove it."

Mel nods. 

She turns to Nick. "Keep Luciana safe."

"What? No, I have to go with you!"

"Luciana won't be much help to us in there. I need her to make sure none of the dead out here turn and I need someone to watch her back."

Nick bites the inside of his cheek, and he nods reluctantly. 

"I'll come get you when it's safe," Madison promises. 

He nods again, and watches her and Mel run off towards the Diamond.

"You’re not staying, are you?" Luciana guesses as soon as they're out of sight. 

He turns to her and shakes his head. "I can't do anything to help Troy right now, but I sure as hell can save my home."

Luciana smiles. "Go. I got things out here."

Nick gives her a grateful smile. He makes a quick stop to grab Ennis' gun before he sprints to the main gate, then through to the field where he comes to an abrupt halt. 

There's burning infected all around, destroying his garden or eating the animals -the pens completely destroyed, pigs squealing in agony. He sticks to edges of the field and scurries towards the equipment room to grab a weapon, barely slipping past the infected that take notice of him. 

His heart drops when he finds infected blocking the door to the equipment room, his head spinning as he tries to think of what he's going to do with his very limited ammo.  He hears banging on the door behind him. 

The noise draws the attention of the ones down the hall, snarling as they shamble towards him. 

He shoots the first two that come to him and quickly rubs their blood all over himself. He kills one more, then stuffs his gun in his waistband, and uses both hands to smear the blood faster so by the time others reach him they lose interest after sniffing him. 

He stumbles towards the equipment room, leaving the infected to carry on towards the door behind him. When he tries to get into the equipment he finds it locked. He sweeps his gaze around the hall, then knocks and shouts, "It's Nick! Let me in!" to whoever's holed up inside. 

He sees the infected turn around in interest, but they don’t move. 

The door opens and a hand pulls him inside by the front of his shirt, shoving him roughly to the side so the door can shut with a soft thud. 

"Carson?" Nick questions. He looks around the room and sees Barry, Amy and Jaime reloading their guns. "Is everyone okay?"

"We're fine," Carson answers. "We just came to get more ammo."

Nick nods. "What happened here?"

Barry steps forward, handing Nick the semi he'd just put a new clip in. "Well, we were spread too thin to keep an eye on the back of the stadium, and I don't know how, but the Vultures were able to get the locker room doors open and lead the dead through the stadium. Bastards set them on fire once they reached field and by the time Strand and the others got control of the doors two truck loads of the infected had already made it inside." 

Guilt weighs his stomach. He should never have given Troy those keys. "Where are Strand and the others?" Nick questions as he slips the rifle strap over his shoulder. 

"They were still in the locker room when we left," Carson answers. 

"Strand made a distress call, but we haven't been able to make contact since," Barry adds. "We're heading back now if you want to join us."

Nick nods.

They finish arming themselves, and they make their way out. Barry and Amy put down the infected down the hall, not wanting to leave them to wander, then they make their way to the locker room. They come across a few dead residents being eaten and cleanly pick off the infected before putting a bullet in their half-eaten allies foreheads. 

When they finally reach the locker room they find who Nick assumes to be the last of the Vultures trying to break in. Barry and Carson don't hesitate to fire, making the Vultures duck for cover and fire back blindly. 

Amy screams behind Nick, and when he turns he sees Jaime - who had been standing to his right - is now on his floor, a bullet hole in the middle of his forehead.

Nick whips around and fires in a spread until the last Vulture lays dead on the ground. He doesn't turn around, doesn't even look at the others as he charges toward the locker room. He can't stop moving, can't let himself process what he's done or what he stands to lose in this fight. 

He knocks on the locker room door. "Strand?" he calls. 

Twenty seconds pass before the door opens, Madison greeting him with a gun and a frown. 

"I thought I told you to help Luciana." She says, lowering her rifle.

"We both thought I was needed here," he answers. 

Madison gestures for him to come inside, looking pissed to have him there. "We have things under control," She says, and the sight that greets him makes it hard to disagree. 

Most of the remaining residents appear to be scattered throughout the room, dirty, covered in blood and ash, a few nonfatally wounded. Three of them appear to have fire extinguishers, some of them carrying buckets of water and the rest armed and ready to fight. 

"What's going on?"

"We're taking back our home," Madison answers simply. 

Nick smiles and his gaze sweeps around the room, feeling good about their odds. "Wait, where's Strand?" Nick asks. 

Madison has this odd glint in her eyes as she says, "He's in the Head Coach's Office with Cole."

Nick's good feeling quickly dies and he rushes to the office where he finds Strand kneeling in front of Cole who's sitting in a chair. 

"Victor," Nick says. 

Both Strand and Cole turn to look at him. 

"I had a feeling you might show up," Strand comments, but his tone is off, not carrying the usual cool charm, his eyes wet with unshed tears.

Nick opens his mouth to ask what happened, but as he takes a step into the room he sees a large chunk of skin missing from Cole's arm, a blood soaked towel resting on his lap as if forgotten. 

Cole notices him staring and says, "Got bit trying to save this asshole," nodding to Strand. 

Strand snorts. "I told you to leave me."

Cole grabs Strand's hand. "If I did everything you said we wouldn't even be together."

Strand smiles, soft and sweet and Nick suddenly feels like he’s intruding.

"Uh, I'm going to go...collect water," Nick says, slowly backing out of the room. 

They don’t even look at him. 

Madison corners him as soon as she sees him. "Nick, are you sure you're up for this?" she asks gently. 

He shakes his head. "But it's not like sitting around waiting is going to do me any good."

"You can still go help Luciana or even guard the infirmary with Julio and Lennox if your hand is too messed up." 

"No, I need to do  _something_ ," Nick says, doing his best to block out the image of Troy on his knees, staring up at him in shock. 

Madison pats his shoulder. "You can clear the infected with Ryder and the others."

He nods and Madison calls everyone to attention. Nick goes to stand by Mel and Ryder, passing an inconsolable Amy who's latched onto Barry, feeling his composure start to crack. 

It cracks a little more when everyone starts to file out and there's a gunshot from the Coach's office. Strand appears a moment later, expression carefully blank.

Nick clenches his fists, using the pain that flares in his right hand as an anchor. He can do this. He can salvage his home without crumbling. 

 

* * *

 

It takes over an hour to get all the fires put out, less than half that to kill all the infected and save the last surviving pig. 

Everyone is exhausted by the time they gather in the bleachers, spirits low as they take in the wreckage.

"I know today was hard, and we all suffered losses, but we rallied together to save our home and we  _won,"_ Madison says, addressing everyone from the bottom of the bleachers. "And I won't lie and pretend it's going to be easy to rebuild and start over because it won't be. We've got a lot of work ahead of us, but today has proven that as long as we work together as a community we can do anything."

Her speech seems to rally everyone, and they disperse to start clearing out the dead bodies littering the stadium as instructed. 

Nick gets to his feet and heads to his room. He won't be of much use with his fucked up hand anyway and the infirmary door was still locked shut when he’d checked it a few minutes prior. No one pays him any mind, not even his mother when he passes her. 

He stops briefly to wash the blood coating his skin. His heart starts racing as he looks at himself in the mirror, his blood soaked face a sickening sight because he knows some of it is Ennis' - some of it staining his hands. 

_"Going to kill me, Nicky? Aren't you supposed to be the good one?"_

_"What ever gave you that idea?"_

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

It wasn't his first time killing and certainly not his first time killing a bad man, but it  _was_  the first time he used his bare hands. The first time he’d lost himself in the sheer _violence_ of it. 

Nausea prickles his skin as he's assaulted by images of him brutalizing Ennis. He swallows thickly and tries to suppress all of it. He opens his eyes and whispers to himself, "He deserved it," over and over until he calms down enough clean up. 

It's a huge relief when he finally plops down on his bed, his back tingling as he relishes in how soft it is. His body yearns for sleep, his eyes burning from how tired he is and he considers giving in to the need - to the soft allure of his bed. 

But one look at the drawing's above his headboard is all it takes to pop his bubble of comfort. He laughs hysterically as he reads the puns, tears leaking out of his eyes, stomach churning. He can't think clearly anymore, his mind endless flashes of Troy, Jaime, and Cole, with brief detours of his violence, of Ennis' demolished face, of the Vultures he killed. 

He lets out a full belly laugh as something occurs to him. 

He had been so scared to leave the Diamond because he was sick of all the killing, because he hated being that person who did whatever it took to survive in this world and yet the most savage thing he had ever done had happened in the parking lot. 

Ennis' bloody, beaten face springs to the forefront of his mind suddenly and he sits up, puking all over the floor. He wipes at his mouth after and crawls to Troy's side of the bed, burying his face in Troy's pillow. It still smells like him. 

Finally, Nick falls apart. No one there to comfort him - no one there to stop him from wallowing in his grief and fear over possibly losing Troy forever as loudly as he needs. He imagines this is what it's like for a heart to shatter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought of this! 
> 
> Idk when the next chapter will be up, but I'll try not to take too long!


	9. The Fallout

_Troy Otto._

Nick traces his fingers over the letters carved into the shitty plywood cross marking the grave. He's been here for hours - long after everyone else went back to the stadium. 

He’s numb to his grief now. Out of tears, out of words, out of life - and now it seemed, out of pain. 

Nick drops his hand from marker and adjusts the bluebonnets respectfully laid at the bottom, then lays next to the grave, staring up at the cloudy sky. He wishes it was the kind of cloudy that promised a storm - that the weather would at least have the decency to match the tone of the day instead of Nick himself. 

There's not a thought in his head as he watches the clouds, noticing them slowly drift towards the west. He hears a car pull up to the side of the road, but he doesn't bother to look - unconcerned if it's some stranger come to rob or kill him. Maybe they'll have the decency to bury him with Troy - to bury him with his heart because the one beating in his chest is nothing more than a hollow imposter. 

He hears them get out and their footsteps as they approach, then Mel comes into view, hovering over him. 

"It's time to come home," Mel says. 

"There is no home for me without Troy."

Mel stares at him a moment, then crouches down next to him. "We both know he isn't in that grave, so where is he?"

"The library," Nick answers, because there's no point in lying to the man that helped him smuggle Troy's corpse from the infirmary. 

"What’s your plan then? To keep him as some kind of secret pet?" Mel questions, sitting down next to him. 

Nick shakes his head. "I'm going to turn too."

"What?"

"I'm so tired and there's only one way I'll get any sleep."

"If you’re dead?" Mel guesses. 

Nick nods and Mel goes quiet. 

Eventually, Mel says, "I'll take you to him."

Nick moves on autopilot, and it seems like no time at all before they're outside the library. 

"Nick," Mel says as he starts to get out. 

Nick turns to face him curiously. 

"He wouldn't want this you know. Everything he did was to protect you."

"I know," Nick says."But I didn't want him to leave and now he isn't here to stop me." 

Mel nods slowly and Nick gets out.  

As soon as he's in the library, he starts banging on the door to draw Troy to him. It takes a minute, but eventually he hears the harsh rasping of an infected before he sees Troy shambling towards him - a beautiful angel of death. 

But then, suddenly Nick hears a noise and he turns to see another infected. 

He frowns because he’d cleared this place last night. He turns to face Troy and suddenly he’s surrounded by infected, but he isn't afraid. 

Nick steps towards Troy, grabbing his face. "I love you," he says, kissing his rotting cheek before dropping his hands to his sides and letting Troy bite his neck. The rest of the infected stir into action then, tearing into him with their teeth, pulling him apart with their hands and all Nick can do is scream in agony. 

Nick jolts awake, heart racing, cold sweat covering his skin.

 _It was just a nightmare,_ he thinks, but it does little to comfort after the last one - albeit not the way he expected - became a reality. 

The rank stench of his puke permeates the room and he gags. He forces himself to his feet and looks out the window. The sun isn't out, hinting that he either didn't sleep for long or he slept too much. He's too rattled to know the difference. 

He takes off his sweat soaked shirt and puts on Troy's pajama shirt, taking comfort in the smell of green apples - the scent of their body wash - and something earthy that he can't quite place, but is distinctly Troy. 

He heads to the locker room and grabs a bucket, a sponge and a towel so he can clean up the puke. While he's filling up the bucket with water, Madison comes in looking absolutely exhausted. 

"What are you doing?" she asks. 

"I threw up in my room," he tells her, voice rough from all the sobbing. 

She walks over to him and puts the back of her hand to his forehead. "Are you sick? Do you feel okay? You feel clammy."

He moves away from her hand. "I'm not sick."

Madison drops her hand back to her side and eyes him curiously. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Nick slowly nods, not sure how she guessed it. 

"About Troy?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Nick shakes his head, and turns to shut off the water. "I just want to be alone."

Madison nods and when he starts to leave, she says, "You know, we wouldn't still have this place if it wasn't for him."

Nick pauses and looks at her expectantly. 

"I still don't like that he's here, but...I trust that all he wants to do is protect you and that's enough for now."

Nick blinks in disbelief, then a small smile settles on his face. 

Madison puts her hand on his shoulder and squeezes. "I  _really_  want to yell at you for not telling me the truth and getting yourself kidnapped, but I don't have the energy."

Nick chuckles. "Lucky me."

Madison gives him a weak smile that seems to take most of her energy and lets him go. 

Once he's in his room, he tosses the towel over his puke, and steps on it, before carefully swiping the towel up, rolling it in on itself so the puke stays contained. Next, he scrubs at the floor with left hand, trying to focus on the task at hand and nothing else, but his nightmare plays on a loop. He notices a slight shake to his hand and scrubs harder, trying to ignore it. 

He hears a knock on the door just as he thinks he's gotten rid of the smell. 

"Come in!" he calls.

The door swings open and Luciana hobbles in, looking confused. 

"Need something?" he questions before she can ask what happened. 

"Alicia wants to take a quick look at your hand." 

Nick nods and gets to his knees, tossing the sponge into the bucket. "Any word on Troy?"

"Still alive," she answers, "That's about all I know."

_Alive._

He clings to the word as they head to the infirmary. 

 

* * *

 

Nick sits outside the infirmary, Luciana right there with him, as he waits for any news about Troy. Alicia had briefly slipped out and inspected his hand, not giving him anything concrete about Troy as she poked and prodded at his hand, but she did hug him, sagging in relief against him. Then she called him a dumbass for getting kidnapped and went back inside to help Naomi. 

It felt like ages had passed since then. 

"Thank you for being here," Nick says, looking over at Luciana. He knows it isn't easy for her to support him through this, and he truly appreciates it. 

She offers him a small smile. "I couldn't just abandon you."

He smiles back and grabs her hand, squeezing gently. Things will probably become rocky between them as soon as things settle down, but he still has hope for the future. 

Nick hears footsteps down the hall and when he looks over he sees Mel walking towards them with Charlie. He has no idea where Charlie had been during everything, but he wouldn't be surprised if Madison had locked her up to keep her out of harm's way. 

"Anything yet?" Mel asks. 

Nick shakes his head.

Charlie comes to sit next to him, grabbing his uninjured hand. "He's going to be fine," she says quietly. She looks like she's been crying her eyes out and Nick wonders if her tears were for Ennis or Troy. 

He squeezes her hand. "He's in good hands."

Mel sits on the opposite side of the infirmary door, eyeing Nick warily. 

Nick looks down at his lap. 

None of them really seem to know what to say to each other so the hall falls into an awkward silence that eventually becomes comforting.

Shortly after that the door opens, and Alicia steps out, Nick letting go of Charlie's hand and scrambling to his feet. 

"How is he?" Nick asks. 

"Stable for now," Alicia answers, "He'll have to stay here for awhile, but Naomi thinks he'll make a full recovery."

Nick sags in relief. 

Alicia casts her gaze over everyone. "He's sleeping for now, but he should wake up tomorrow if you guys want to come back then." Then to Nick says, "Let me take another look at your hand."

Nick nods, turning to help Luci get to her feet. "Need help getting to your room?"

"We'll help her," Charlie offers immediately, taking Luci's hand. 

Luciana looks unsure, but Nick sees her wrap her arm around Mel's shoulders before he goes into the infirmary. Naomi's cleaning up the mess of Troy's impromptu surgery, and she offers him a bone-weary smile that he returns. 

His eyes shift over to Troy and his heavily bandaged torso. He decides instantly that he hates seeing Troy like this, his chest tight. He wonders idly if this is how it felt for his family each time they visited him in the hospital. 

He sits on a cot, and lets Alicia fiddle with his right hand. 

"Are you okay?" she asks, then when he gasps in pain at her prodding adds, " _Mentally_ , I mean."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh, I don't know... _maybe_  because you bashed someone's face in earlier," she says casually as she plays with his fingers, assessing the damage more thoroughly than earlier. 

The pain borders on unbearable, but he focuses on what he wants to stay, trying his best to distract himself as he speaks.  "I can't believe  _I_  did that to someone...I mean know he deserved it and I wanted to kill him, but  _that...that_ was overkill... But all I could think about was what he did to Troy, how he might die because of Ennis  _again_ and something just  _snapped_  inside of me...It really  _terrifies_  me what I'll do for Troy."

Alicia is slow to respond, seeming to consider whether or not to say something. "Do you want to know what Troy said when he heard you beating Ennis?"

"What?"

"He begged me to stop you. He said he didn't want you to do something he knew you’d regret."

He looks over at Troy, chest swelling with affection. 

"You know Nick, there is a list of things you should feel sorry for starting with ripping the eye off my stuffed dog Patches when I was five and including every hospital visit I had to make for you and when you lied about what really happened at the ranch, but killing Ennis, even how you did, shouldn't be one of them."

He opens his mouth to argue, but she puts a hand over it and says very loudly, "I think he broke three of his knuckles and two of his fingers at the least."

Naomi comes over at that and then Nick's back to being prodded at. 

It takes forever for Naomi to clean and splint his hand, but she looks just as tired as everyone else so he can't say he blames her. Though what a relief it is when she finally tells him she's done and he can stay in the infirmary for the night. 

Licia helps him pull a cot next to Troy's, and leaves him to sleep while she and Naomi go to check on the other residents. He stretches out on the cot, staring over at Troy. 

He looks so broken and bruised - seemingly made of bandages and stitches. Nick's chest  _aches_ because this is what Troy will do to himself to keep Nick safe, and Nick's busted hand is what he'll do to repay that savagery. 

Two children of violence willingly submitting themselves to the familiar, cruel cycle of it for each other. The self destructive nature of it is almost poetic. 

Nick falls asleep watching the rise and fall of Troy's chest. 

 

* * *

 

Nick's rereading  _Winesburg Ohio_ when there's a knock on the infirmary door. He looks up and sees Mel, unease washing over him. 

"Uh, hey," Nick greets, closing his book. 

"How is he?" Mel asks, nodding to Troy. He can't quite seem to look at Nick directly. 

"Stable."

Mel nods. "Good."

Nick looks at him expectantly, but Mel doesn't seem to know what to say. 

"I heard you went back for him," Nick says. 

"I did."

"Thank you," Nick tells him earnestly. "I know it was probably tempting to just leave him there after what he did, but having him here...it means everything to me."

"I didn't do it for you." 

"I know. You did it for  _you_  because you care about him."

Mel looks him in the eyes then, appearing confused. 

"He  _did_  talk about you. Well,  _complain_  mostly, but from what he told me it was pretty obvious that you cared. I mean giving him the truck, trying to spend more time with him, defending him to your brother..."

"I do care," Mel admits. He must see something in Nick's expression because he's quick to add, "But it's not the way  _you_  care about him."

Nick nods. It's a small relief. 

Mel walks in, perches himself on the end of Troy's bed, looking nervous. 

"You know...my brother and I stayed at a ranch before this whole Vulture thing and things between us...they were never the same after the ranch was destroyed. More and more it felt like it was me versus him. Like we were two strangers bound by blood. And then one day I'm out by myself and I find this guy doing experiments on the dead. I watched him for a while and noticed he didn't appear to have much but his journal and a gun."

Nick tilts his head curiously. Troy hadn't mention any experiments in his story, but Nick supposes he probably hadn't wanted to give  _all_  the details to him when they'd just been reunited, likely worried Nick would tell him to leave. 

"So I approach him, and instead of raising his gun he asks me 'how long so you think it took for them to turn?' with this crazed look in his eye. I didn't answer, but he exclaims, 'three minutes, twenty minutes and an hour!' and I thought I made a mistake. Especially when he went on and on about how bites seemed to expedite the process, but one didn't  _have_  to be bitten to make the transition fast and how all his research didn't seem to matter because it all added up to nothing important. And then he passed out."

Nick snorts and Mel looks at him with a curious glint in his eyes. "He thought of himself as a scientist when I first met him too."

"So you're not surprised by the experiments?"

"I almost  _was_  one."

Mel looks very alarmed by that statement and he mutters to himself, "What the fuck is wrong with you two?"

Nick shrugs. "Bad parenting." 

Mel shakes his head in disbelief. "Anyway, I took him to the others, fed him when he woke up and we talked. He reminded me a little bit of how Ennis used to be. A cocky asshole with a charming grin, just a little unstable and a bit easier to like."

"So you offered him a place in the convoy if he helped you."

Mel nods. "And he did. More times than I can count, but he was impulsive,  _violent_  in a way that scared me so we tried to keep him in line, make him dependent on us. It worked. He had nowhere else to go, and no matter how much he seemed to hate us sometimes, he always stayed. Always protected me. Always provided.  Always found a way to make me laugh. I started giving him more freedoms because I liked him and his attitude, but Ennis didn't so I kept him dependent."

Nick has about a thousands things he wants to say about all of this, but he wants to hear everything first so he bites his tongue. 

"When we sent Charlie into the stadium and she reported back about you two, I was worried we were going to lose him. But then he and Charlie spun their little lies and whatever wall he’d been keeping between us started to crumble. It felt like I'd gained a new little brother and so I started trusting him because for all he is, Troy had never proved himself a liar. And I fought so hard against what Ennis was saying about him, but then he called you and I found out he’d been playing me..."

"I was so  _angry_ , and while we were driving away from the gas station, Charlie begged me to save him, but I wouldn't listen at first. I wasn't interested in anything she had to say because they'd just seem like more lies. But then she told me that Troy would go back for me and I...I knew she was right. Even after everything, I knew he would and that at the very least I still owed him for all he did for me."

"You did, and you  _still_  do," Nick says. "But now he owes you too. So whatever you have to say to him, he'll listen."

"You think so?"

Nick nods. 

"Even if it was to tell him I hated him for betraying me?"

" _Do_  you hate him?" Nick questions. 

Mel hesitates, seeming to consider his answer, but it's right there on his face and it's not surprising when he says,  "No I...I'm just angry. He made me look like a fucking fool and it just pisses me off that I still want to protect him. That I still want to be his friend. I mean, he's a dickhead to me ninety percent of the time, but I like being around him and I don't completely understand why."

Nick chuckles because it's kind of funny that Troy's managed to get three people to care about him despite how much of an annoying prick he could be. Nick seriously doubted he was much nicer to Charlie either. 

"Troy said once that he never knew what was good for him, and now I'm thinking I don't either."

Nick shrugs. "Maybe you don't, but Troy...he's loyal. You could do a lot worse than having him as a friend and vice versa." 

"Do you think he’d even want to be friends?"

"I don't know, that's up to him."

Mel nods. 

The room goes falls silent. 

Mel clears his throat suddenly and pulls two sheathes off his waist and offers them to Nick. "Found one on my brother and Luciana found the other on one of the dead."

Nick takes them, and it feels like a small victory to have their knives back. He sets them down next to him and offers his hand to Mel, wanting to shake his hand in gratitude. 

Mel flinches away and Nick furrows his brow. 

"Sorry, I just...I can't get what you did to my brother out of my head."

Nick retracts his hand. "Right..."

Mel looks away awkwardly. "I don't blame you for what you did or anything, but I'm, uh, I'm kind of terrified of you."

 _Do you think I'm a monster?_  He wants to ask, but doesn't - too scared of the answer. 

Nick nods. 

"But I think I understand a little bit better why Troy couldn't let go of you. You're the same but...opposite. Like you come off as the good one, but you've got a bit of violence in you and he comes off as the bad one, but he's got a bit of gentleness in him. You balance each other out."

"I like to think so."

Mel gets to his feet. "Anyway, I should probably see what Charlie's up to, but uh...it was nice talking to you."

"You too," Nick says. "And if you stick around don't think I won't tear into you later for the shit you put Troy through."

Mel visibly struggles to respond before he says, "All right."

Nick shifts uncomfortably and adds. "And for what it's worth...I  _am_  sorry you had to see your brother like that."

"Me too, but I always had a feeling his stubbornness would come back to bite him in the ass. If he had just  _listened_  to me..." Mel has this wistful look in his eyes. It's a bit conflicting with how easily he seems to have accepted his brother's death, but Nick knew better than anyone how complicated family could be. 

"I'll go find you after he's woken up," Nick says and that seems to snap Mel out of his thoughts. 

"Thanks."

Nick goes back to reading, occasionally stopping to stare at Troy, his conflicting emotions - relief and anger - stirring. He wonders which one will win out when Troy finally wakes up.

Naomi returns and without a word goes to one of the cabinets. She spends a few minutes fiddling with some pills before she walks over and hands him a pill bottle. "Last time he was here, he complained about the morphine, so once he wakes up I'll take him off it, but he's going to need to take these to help with the pain. Just don't let him go through them too fast. I can't spare any more than this for now."

Nick barely nods before she's off again. He stares at the oxy, temptation flaring hot in his belly, the familiar craving making his skin itch. These past few days have been so hard on him, so utterly exhausting. 

If he took just  _one..._

He opens the pill bottle and counts the pills.

_A baker's dozen..._

"Don't."

Nick startles, almost dropping the bottle, and looks at Troy who's just watching him. "Troy." He closes the bottle and sets it on the floor before he goes to hug him.

Troy grunts when he squeezes too tight, but doesn't let Nick pull away, keeping them chest to chest. He clears his throat. "I missed you so much, Nicky."

Nick buries his face in Troy's neck, relief flooding his veins. He has plenty of time to scream and yell later. Right now he just wants to enjoy the fact that Troy's alive and awake at all. 

"Don't you ever leave me like that again," Nick scolds when he finally pulls away. 

"I won't," Troy promises. "Never again." 

Nick really hopes he means that because he's almost lost Troy twice now and he won't be able to handle it a third time. "I'm holding you to that."

Troy gives him a barely there smile in response. 

Tense silence fills the room. There are so many things that need to be said, but once they are this bubble of fragile peace will pop and the anger, the grief and all the hurt will take over. 

Troy looks down at his IV suddenly and shyly breaks the silence, "When I left...well I know you said you loved me, but...your feelings didn't  _shift_  like they did when Luciana left, right? I mean...you love me how I love you?"

Nick stares at him incredulously for a long moment then he laughs without meaning to. 

Troy turns red and keeps his eyes trained on his arm. 

_I love this idiot so much._

Nick caresses Troy's cheek with his good hand and kisses his the tip of his nose, watching Troy blink at him in surprise. "I'm  _in_ love with you dumbass. My feelings didn't change in two days."

Troy looks up at him with wide eyes, a toothy grin slowly spreading across his face, pure joy and relief coloring his expression. "Mine?" he asks, putting his hand on Nick's cheek. 

"Yours," Nick agrees and then Troy kisses him on the mouth - soft and sweet at first, then he deepens it, slipping his tongue into Nick's mouth. 

Someone clears their throat and Nick pulls away, suppressing a laugh when he sees Troy trying to follow with his eyes closed. He claps his hand over Troy's mouth and looks over to see Naomi in the doorway. 

"I need to change his bandages." 

Troy bites Nick's palm, causing him to jerk his hand away so Troy can say, "Can't you come back later, Doc?"

"No," Naomi says firmly. "And I'm afraid you can't do any... _strenuous activity_  for awhile anyway." 

Troy frowns, but doesn't argue. 

"I'll go get you something to eat," Nick says, getting to his feet. He kisses Troy's forehead before he leaves. 

Halfway to the pantry Nick realizes lunch is being served and he quickly changes direction. He spots Mel and Charlie eating at a table by themselves, noticing immediately the way some of the residents are looking at them. He heads over to them, sitting next to Charlie. 

"Troy's awake," he announces. 

Charlie lights up. "Can I see him?" 

"After lunch," Mel tells her, then to Nick asks, "How is he?"

"Same old asshole," Nick answers. 

Mel snorts.

Alicia and Luciana walk up to the table, Luciana taking the seat next to Mel and Licia sitting on the end. 

"Talking about Troy?" Licia guesses. 

"How'd you know?" Nick asks. 

"You get this look in your eye when you talk about him," Licia tells him. 

His gaze shifts nervously to Luciana who starts eating her stew, and doesn't look at him. 

"Troy gets the same look," Charlie adds.

Nick turns to her. "He does?"

She nods and he bites back a smile. 

"Where's your food?" Licia asks. 

"Uh, I came to get Troy something to eat."

"You should eat with us and then we can all take him food together," Charlie suggests. 

Nick considers it for a moment, then he nods, figuring it'll take a while for his bandages to get changed anyway. He spends the next twenty minutes eating and listening to the others struggle to make friendly conversation. It's painfully awkward, but they'll just have to keep trying until it isn't anymore. 

After lunch, they - minus Luciana - head to the infirmary and Troy looks surprised, but happy to see them while Naomi on the other hand looks at her cot wistfully before leaving. Nick goes over to his cot and sets Troy's stew on the ground before sitting down. 

Charlie carefully gives Troy a hug, and he smiles. 

"I'm glad you survived, kid," Troy tells her. 

"I'm glad you did too," she says quietly. 

"Where were you anyway?" Nick asks her.

"Madison let me sleep in her room. I woke up when the infected got in, but Joseph and Elliot were with me. They kept me safe."

Mel comes to stand next to the cot, and Troy eyes him up and down before saying, "Why am  _I_  always the one getting hurt while you get to walk around like nothing happened?"

"I got stabbed!"

"So did I! I got beaten and shot too!"

Nick chuckles. 

_And Troy thinks they're not friends._

Mel huffs. "Well, you're still breathing, aren't ya?"

Troy grumbles unintelligibly and Mel just grins. 

The two of them have an odd dynamic, but Nick supposes that's kind of a default setting when it came to having a relationship with Troy. 

Mel and Charlie spend a few minutes chatting with Troy before deciding to leave him alone so he can eat and rest up, then it's just Nick, Troy and Alicia. 

"Need anything before I go?" Alicia asks.

Troy shakes his head.

Nick picks up the stew from the floor then looks between the bowl and Troy.  

"Why don't I hold the bowl and you feed me?" Troy suggests, obviously catching on to the dilemma. 

Nick hands him the bowl and grabs the spoon. He waits until Troy's got a steady grip then fills the spoon before offering it to Troy, who opens his mouth and waits expectantly for him to feed it to him. 

"Really? You can't move forward three inches?"

"It hurts to move," Troy says with an adorable pout. 

"Baby," Nick teases as he puts the spoon in his mouth. 

Troy closes his mouth around the spoon and Nick pulls it out after a few seconds, a little bit of juice dribbling down his chin. Nick wipes it off with his thumb. 

Troy swallows and says, "We make a good team."

Nick rolls his eyes even as he smiles. 

Alicia laughs suddenly. "This is almost as ridiculous as it is cute."

Nick frowns and turns to look at her. "Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

"No, but I'm definitely not sticking around for more of this," she says. 

Nick rolls his eyes fondly and turns back to Troy, hearing his sister leave and shut the door behind her. It's a little messy feeding Troy, but they manage it. 

"Want more?" Nick questions as he takes the empty bowl. 

Troy shakes his head. "Read to me?"

"Anything in particular you want me to read?" 

"The fairytales." 

Nick nods. Now that Troy's all taken care of, it's time for the hard part. "I'll go get the book in a minute. First, you're going to tell me everything that happened from the moment you left the stadium."

Troy sighs, but does as told, looking guilty as he recounts the past few days. Nick interlocks their uninjured hands when he talks about the beating Ennis gave him, the deep purple around his left eye emphasizing how bad it was. It makes his own ferocity feel even more justified. 

When he's finally done, Nick asks, "How could you just leave me like that?"

"I was trying to protect you."

"Protect me?" Nick scoffs. "You almost died! And for  _nothing!_ If you had stayed like I'd asked we could've dealt with the infected and fought off the Vultures if they came back!"

"I wanted to avoid a fight entirely! For  _you_  at least!My plan was to find a way to get rid of Ennis with Mel's help and if that didn't work I was going to pull a play from Ennis' book and unleash the dead on their camp."

"And Madison was your contingency plan if you died?"

Troy nods. 

Hurt and anger surge through Nick. "So you we're  _okay_  with us  _never_  seeing each other again?

"Of course I wasn't okay with it!" Troy exclaims. "But you mean too much to me for me to just idly sit by and risk letting you get killed! I had to do something!"

"I told you I didn't want you to die for me!"

"And I told you that if it came down to a choice between your life and mine I'd choose yours!"

Nick groans in frustration. "That doesn't make it okay!"

"What do you want from me, Nick?! You want me to apologize for trying to protect you? Because I won't! I love you more than my own life and I'll always throw mine away if it means you get to live and I'm not sorry about it!"

Nick gets to his feet. "What about  _me?!_ Did you even think about how  _I_  would feel when you never came back? How much it would  _destroy_  me to find out you were dead? Or did you think I would just move on? Assume I'd be okay living without you?"

"You did it once before," Troy says evenly. 

Nick scoffs. "Fuck you!" He spits. "I grieved you for  _months,_ and sure I made a life for myself while you were gone because I  _had_  to, but when I got you back that all blew up and I didn't even care! I'd been living as a shell of a person, going through all the right motions day after day and it wasn't until you came back - until you brought me back to life and we started planning our future that I realized how empty my life had been."

As it turns out, he isn't out of tears after all and he feels them trail hot and angry down his cheeks as he continues, "So don't you fucking think for a second that I can live without you because I can't! I can't just move on or forget about you because you're the love of my life and I need you by my side!"

Troy's eyes glisten with tears as he stares up at Nick. 

"And it kills me that you don’t care about yourself or see the value in your own life because you mean everything to me.  _Everything_. And you just expect me to be okay with you dying for me. Tell me, how is that fucking fair?" 

Troy looks away from him. "It's not," he says quietly. 

Nick wipes at his eyes, throat constricting which is fine because he doesn't have anything left to say. 

"You know, when I thought I was going to die in that parking lot, all I could think of was you and the future we'd planned and for the first time ever I  _cared_  - I  _wanted_  to live so much it  _hurt_. And it was all because of you, Nicky." 

Nick drops his hands to his side and finds Troy watching him. 

"I want to live for you, for our life together, I really do, but I can't promise not to die for you," Troy says. "I mean, can you honestly say you wouldn't die for me? That you wouldn't do whatever it took to protect me?"

Nick considers the questions, and sighs when he arrives at an answer. He sits on his cot. "I can't. But it still hurts that you lied to my face - that the first time you told me you loved me it was because you needed me to know in case we never saw each other again."

Troy reaches for him with his uninjured hand and despite his earlier words says, "I'm sorry, Nicky. I really am. I...I didn't mean to hurt you."

Nick takes his hand and squeezes. "I really hate you sometimes."

"No you don't," Troy says. "But I get wanting to."

Nick kisses his hand then rubs his face against it. The room goes quiet and they take a moment to just breathe. 

Nick gets up eventually to go get the book and some water for them both. He forces Troy to take the oxy and then reads to him, the tension around them finally lifting when the medicine kicks in and Troy recites the dialogue from memory - doing funny voices and bursting into giggles at them. It soothes the hurt and quells the anger - at least for the moment.

 

* * *

 

Troy rolls the pill in between his thumb forefinger. He fucking hates taking the oxy, not a fan of the high it gives him.

Naomi walks in and sighs. "It's that or the morphine."

He frowns before popping the pill in his mouth. He hates morphine even more. He drinks the water Naomi had given him before going to the bathroom. 

"When can I get out of here, Doc?"

"In a week."

"A  _week_?"

"Your body's been through a lot and something tells me I can't trust you to rest or take your meds on your own."

"You can trust me!"

She eyes him skeptically. "Last time you were in here, you left against my advisement and went and got yourself shot."

Troy opens his mouth to argue, but doesn't have any valid argument besides, "Nicky was in trouble!"

She snorts. "I'll be sure to write that on your headstone next time."

"Here lies Troy Otto, friend, boyfriend and dumbass who died because  _Nicky was in trouble!"_

They both turn to see Mel standing in the doorway. 

"Fuck off!" Troy exclaims. 

Naomi looks upset when she turns back to face Troy. "I'm going to bed so please don't make too much noise or I'll put you into a sleep induced coma."

Troy frowns, but he can't say he blames her for the threat. She's barely gotten any sleep and has to keep dealing with his visitors. 

She walks over to her cot while Mel comes to sit on Nick's. 

"How do you feel?" Mel asks. 

Troy shrugs. "Like I've been hit by a bus. Everything hurts."

"Which is why you should be on morphine!" Naomi chimes in and Troy glares at her back. 

"Why  _aren't_  you on morphine?" Mel questions. 

Troy shifts his gaze back to him as he answers. "Don't like the IV or how it makes me feel." 

"Always got to be difficult, don't you?" 

"Guess so....did you want something?"

Mel looks down at his lap. "Just thought we should talk...you know since we have time now."

Troy doesn't really want to, thinking what he said the day before should have been enough, so asks, "What else is there to say?"

"Plenty."

"Like what?"

"Like how you really feel about me. I mean, are we friends? Do you hate me?" 

Troy considers the questions carefully. Finally, he says, "We're friends as far as I'm concerned, and I'm willing to let go of any bad blood if you are."

Mel smiles, looking pleased by his answer. "I might need a little more time, but I do want to be your friend."

Troy nods. "Then in that case...you’re a son of a bitch and if you ever try to order me around again I'll kick your ass."

Mel snorts. "That would probably be threatening if you didn't look like a fucking mummy." 

He hears Naomi's tired chuckle and he glares at Mel. "I  _mean_  it. You’re not the boss of me."

Mel holds his hands up in surrender. "All right, all right. No bossing you around...That seems like Nick's job anyway."

"It is." 

Mel chuckles. "You really love him, huh?"

"What clued you in? The sneaking around behind your back or the almost dying?"

Mel rolls his eyes. "You're not going to make this easy, are you?"

Troy shakes his head. 

"Asshole."

"Hey, that's what I call him!"

Troy's attention snaps to a freshly showered Nick and he smiles, glad to finally have him back. He watches Nick walk over to him. 

"Take your oxy?" Nick questions, running a hand through his curls. 

Troy nods. 

Mel stands up, patting Troy's shoulder. "I'm going to sleep. I'll see you guys later."

"Night," Troy says.

Nick waits until Mel's gone before he goes to turn off the infirmary lights and stretches out on his cot. 

"No goodnight, kiss?" Troy questions the moment Nick settles into the cot. 

"I love you, but I'm not getting off this for anything."

"Sorry, you what?" 

"I love you."

"You what?"

"I love you."

"You wh - "

"Coma!" Naomi exclaims in frustration.

Troy goes quiet and settles comfortably into his cot, closing his eyes. He hears a creak and then he feels Nick's lips against his. 

"I love you," Nick whispers before giving him his goodnight kiss. 

"I love you too," Troy whispers back when Nick pulls away. 

He doesn't think he'll ever get tired of hearing or saying It. 

 

* * *

 

Nick walks into the infirmary to find Troy's bed empty and frowns. He sees Naomi rummaging through one of the cabinets.

"Where is he?" Nick asks. 

"He insisted on getting some fresh air and after four days of his whining I wasn't about to stop him," Naomi answers without looking at him. 

"Is he okay to leave the infirmary?"

"He's well enough."

"Could he come stay with me then?"

"Just keep an eye on him, and make sure he comes in for his bandage changes so I can track his progress." Naomi says, turning to face him. "And don't let him fool you into thinking he isn't in any pain. He is and he needs to take his meds."

Nick nods. "I'll make sure he does what he needs to."

"Good. Cos he's  _your_  problem now."

Nick chuckles. "Is he that bad of a patient?"

"The worst."

Nick shakes his head. "Sorry about him."

"It's fine, but I hope he never gets hurts again or I might strangle him."

Nick laughs and she smiles.

"Do you have any idea where he might be?" 

"I think he said something about a first date before he left."

"Thanks."

"Always here to help."

Nick heads to the commentators booth, finding the door wide open, Troy staring out the window. 

"You're supposed to be resting."

Troy startles at his voice, and when he twists his torso around Nick's brain short-circuits as he takes in the sight of Troy in a baseball uniform. 

"I was bored of laying around all day." 

"What...what are you wearing?"

"Took a shower and this is all I found in one of the lockers." 

Nick can't seem to take his eyes off Troy's ass, the tight pants doing wonders for  it. 

"Nicky?"

"Yeah?" he asks distractedly. 

Troy turns fully, and Nick's gaze rises to meet his eyes, an amused grin on his face. "Got a uniform kink or something?"

"No," Nick denies immediately, but another part of him disagrees. 

Troy just shakes his head and takes a step forward. "Anyways, I was thinking that since my room was destroyed by the fires that I'd come to stay in here."

Nick frowns. "In here?"

"Yeah. I figure I could fit a bed in here if took out the desk. I mean I don't own much so I don't need a lot of space. Though until we get my truck I might need to borrow some clothes."

"But...I thought you’d move into my room."

Troy lights up at that. "Really?"

"Yeah," Nick answers, walking over to him. "We're together now and when I built that room I hadn't known what I wanted from you, but now I do. And I want us to  be together as much as possible."

Troy smiles and surges forward to kiss his cheek and pull him into a tight hug. "Good because I really don't want to live in here."

Nick chuckles and turns to kiss at his neck, hand slipping from his back to rest on Troy's ass.

Troy yelps when he squeezes suddenly. "Nicky, we can't."

Troy tries to push him away when he starts sucking and biting on his neck, but Nick brings his arms to wrap around Troy's neck, pinning him in place. Troy groans and his hands come to settle on Nick's hips, squeezing lightly. 

Nick doesn't pull away until he’s sure there'll be a hickie later. He's been itching to do that for awhile and now he finally can.  He grabs Troy's arm. "Come on, it's time for lunch."

Troy frowns. "But - "

"No  _strenuous activity,_ " Nick reminds. 

Troy huffs. "Such a fuckin' tease, Nicky."

They find Mel, Charlie, Luciana, and Alicia all sitting together, and after grabbing their own food they join them. This time, the flow of conversation flows naturally and they have a very nice lunch.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short epilogue left now! 
> 
> Comments appreciated 💙💙💙


	10. Another Day In The Diamond

Nick is staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom, wondering if there will be any changes to the garden when there's a bang on the door. He gets up to answer it, pulling on a shirt to cover the hickies littering his chest. 

It turns out to be Troy with a tray that consists of two plates of food and two mugs of coffee. 

"Morning." 

Nick lets him in. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"Figured you could use the rest after last night," Troy says with a grin. He sets the tray on the little table in the corner and they both take a seat. 

"Did you check on the garden?" Nick asks before biting into a strip of bacon. 

"Everything's still growing and healthy."

"And the animals?"

"Fat and producing. Was able to get some milk out of Effie." 

Nick smiles. "Charlie still naming all the animals?"

"Yeah. I told her not to, but she keeps insisting."

Nick chuckles. 

"You laugh now, but when we kill Peeta I'm sending her to you the second she starts crying."

"Send her to Mel instead."

"He said it was your turn after we killed Tris last week."

Nick rolls his eyes. " _Fine_."

"I swear that kid wasn't meant to live on a farm. I don't know why she insists on helping me with animals if she's just gonna get attached to them." 

"She likes spending time with you." Nick tells him. 

Troy looks a little less annoyed as he says, "Well maybe she should help with the crops instead."

"Just give her more time. She'll get used to the animals getting killed."

Troy sighs. "Yeah, okay."

Nick grabs Troy's hand and kisses each of his knuckles, earning a soft smile from his boyfriend. 

It's only been three months since the Vultures came and disrupted how peacefully boring his life in the Diamond had been. 

And now, he wakes up with the love of his life, works on the garden, or helps tend to the animals. He takes watch and goes on runs with Troy. He reads with Charlie almost everyday before eating lunch with her, Licia, Mel, Luciana,Troy, and occasionally Strand. In the afternoon he helps Madison and some of the others refine their plans to convert the surrounding territory into farmland and extra housing. 

In the evening he has dinner with the others, then gets ready for bed with Troy. They have sex, cuddle and take turns reading each other to sleep. Rinse and repeat. 

It's all perfectly domestic, but never boring - at least not how it used to be. 

Nick absolutely loves his life in the diamond with his family, with his friends, with _Troy_. 

 

* * *

 

Nick looks up from his book and over at  Charlie when he hears a quiet sniffle. She's got tears streaming down her cheeks. 

"Charlie? Why are you crying?

Charlie looks up from her book. "Katniss and Buttercup are mourning Prim together."

Nick has no idea what that means, but he says, "Aww."

Charlie closes her book and starts wiping at her eyes.

"Everything okay?"

They both turn to see Troy standing in the doorway. 

"Yeah, this book's just really sad," Charlie says.

"Did you just get back?" Nick questions. 

Troy nods. "Came to see if you had eaten yet."

"Not yet," Nick answers. 

"Well I'm going to grab something if you guys want to come."

Nick looks to Charlie, "Hungry?"

Charlie nods. She leads the way to the picnic tables, Nick hanging back with Troy - their hands interlocked.

"How was it?" Nick asks. 

"Great actually," Troy says. "We found enough to keep the infirmary stocked for awhile."

"Run into any trouble?"

"There were a couple of assholes who shot at us, but we took care of 'em. It was mostly the dead in our way."

Nick nods. 

Troy raises their hands and kisses the back of Nick's. "Were you okay? I know it's still hard on you when I leave."

Nick smiles. "Yeah. It helped that Mel radioed me a couple times."

Troy frowns. "When did he do that?"

"When you were out clearing the infected and when you were out loading the truck."

"Huh." Troy says. "Does he do that often?"

"At least once every time you go out." 

"Now I feel kind of guilty."

Nick eyes him suspiciously. "What did you do?"

"Nothing bad...I just take his walkie off his and Luciana's private channel every time we go out so I don't have to listen to them flirt. I even did it when he was trying to find one of his CD's before we came back."

Nick laughs. "Asshole."

Once they've gotten their food they take their seats at their usual table - Mel already there eating. They chat about their day so far - teasing and laughing like always. 

Luciana's voice cuts through Nick's walkie suddenly. "Nick."

"Yeah?" He answers. 

"Are you with Mel?"

"Yeah." He bites back a smile when he sees Mel grab his walkie with a frown. 

"Can you both come down to the main gate? Charlie too?"

"On our way." He answers, clipping the walkie to his belt. 

All four of them go, surprised when they find Luciana with boy around Charlie's age and an older boy of maybe sixteen. 

"Jackson, Michael, this is Charlie, Nick, Troy, and my boyfriend Mel," Luciana introduces, gesturing to them each respectively. 

They all exchange awkward _hellos_ and then Luciana says, "Charlie, why don't you take Jackson to get something to eat?"

Charlie and Jackson eye each other warily before she says, "We've got burgers."

"Burgers?!" He asks excitedly and Charlie gestures for him to follow her. 

"Nick, can you take Michael to see Madison?" Luciana asks. "I need to help Alicia unload the car."

"Sure."

"Thanks." She says gesturing for Mel to follow her. 

"Come with us." Nick says to Michael who simply nods. He takes it upon himself to do most of the talking while they all head towards Madison's room. Michael is quiet, but not like Charlie was - more in the reserved sense and Nick gets it when he explains that him and his brother escaped from a cult in Houston. 

"Well you get a choice here. If you want to stay you can and if you change your mind you’re free to leave," Nick assures him. 

Michael nods, but there's still uncertainty in his eyes. 

Nick knocks on Madison's door and waits until she tells him to come in before entering, Troy and Michael trailing in behind him. Madison's sitting in her bed with Strand, a bottle of Jack between them. 

"Who's this?" Madison asks curiously, getting to her feet. 

"Michael. Alicia and Luciana found him and his little brother when they were out."

Madison gestures to the chair in the corner of the room and to Michael says, "Why don't you take a seat?" 

Michael doesn't move. 

"It's all right, she's just going to ask you some questions," Nick says, patting his shoulder. 

Michael hesitates, but ultimately sits. It takes twenty minutes for Michael to tell them his story, including how they got separated from their mother and were out looking for her when Luciana found them. Madison sends him to eat, and Troy goes with him. 

"See if you can find out what happened to their mother," Madison says as soon as the door shuts. 

Nick nods. "We'll go first thing tomorrow."

"Be careful out there." Madison tells him, going back to sit on her bed. 

Things are good between them now. They still have their spats, but overall things are better than they used to be. Madison is still overprotective sometimes, and still unhappy about him and Troy, but she's learned to trust his instincts and listens to what he wants more. Now he can accept the little bits of affection she gives without it feeling like too much - without feeling like a coddled child. 

He wouldn't change this part of his life either. 

 

* * *

 

Nick shoves his knife into the infected's head, pulling it out once the growling stops and he steps back as it falls to the ground. Behind him he hears Troy and Mel taking out the others as he sweeps his gaze around the area. 

"Doesn't seem to be anyone here but the dead," Nick comments. He starts inspecting the downed infected, remembering Michael mentioning his mother was wearing a blue and black plaid shirt and a dove necklace. He searches and searches until he finds what he's looking for. 

She was one of the few they had shot. He takes the necklace and closes her eye. "They'll be safe with us," he whispers. 

He heads back to Mel and Troy who appear to be arguing about the number of infected they each killed - an annoying habit they had formed recently. 

"Found her." Nick interjects, holding up the necklace. 

They both turn to him. 

"Damn," Mel says. "Guess we should head back and tell them."

Nick pockets the necklace and nods. 

"I think we should search some of the houses first." Troy says. 

They stick together as they scavenge for anything useful, not finding much besides dusty furniture and rotted food. At the third house they search Troy splits off from him and Mel who dig around in the kitchen. 

"Shit!" Troy exclaims suddenly followed by a loud bang. 

Nick takes off towards him immediately, Mel trailing behind - the sounds of a struggle guiding them to the back of the house. When Nick reaches the bedroom he sees Troy on the floor by the closet - a heavyset infected on top of him, snarling and trying to bite into his throat. All Troy can do is hold him at bay by his forehead, one of his arms pinned underneath him. 

Nick unsheathes his knife and rushes over to sink his blade into the base of it's skull, relieved when the harsh snarling fades. Mel comes over as he sheathes his knife and helps him roll the infected off Troy. 

Nick offers his hand to Troy and pulls him to his feet. "This is why we weren't supposed to split up."

Troy huffs. "Yeah, yeah."

"I just saved your life you know. You could be a little more grateful."

"I'll show you grateful," Troy mutters, grabbing him by his throat and pulling him into a passionate kiss.

"Could you two fucking _not_ for once?" Mel asks in annoyance. 

Both of them flip him off and he huffs. 

No, Nick wouldn't change a thing about his life, and whether he dies today, tomorrow, or many years from now, he will always be grateful for this little slice of happiness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank you all for your love and support as well as your wonderful comments! They all meant so much to me!
> 
> Special shout out to the discord for being absolutely amazing, I'm so glad to have met you all! And a big thank you to [Guts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gutsandroses/pseuds/gutsandroses)  
> for being such a wonderful beta, I really appreciated all you did to help me finish this story. 
> 
> But to [Punky](https://www.instagram.com/punkyiggy/?hl=en) in particular I'd like to thank for loving this fic so much and inspiring me to finish it because I really was going to delete this story, but you left me that comment and convinced me to give it another try, and then you introduced me to our lovely little community and I'm so grateful for all of it! ILY!!!


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